Hi guys, I'm not sure if this is the right area to put this question. But I have a 10 month old and am considering getting pregnant again with our second. But I'm in two minds about it.
My first is still not sleeping through, needs to be held to sleep and is very unsettled sleeper. I just can't imagine being this tired anyway and being pregnant which makes you more tired, and then on to havin a newborn. It is already hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with this no sleep thing, I am exhausted. Also, I am worried if I get pregnant now, my first will only be 19 months old when number 2 is born. He will still be so young and I'm scared he will need all his mummy's time still, I want to be there for him as much as he needs and let him be my baby for as long as possible, I don't want to push him to grow up too quick or be independent of me too early. I'm not sure if this is right thinking in the fact that I won't be able to spend as much time with him when I have another baby, but I'm just afraid of not being as good a mum to him, and having our bond lessen.
But also on the other hand, I have such a longing for another baby. I just love the baby stage despite lack of sleep. And also I'd love for my first bubs to be close to his sibling in age because I think this will make their relationship close and really good friends.
In a way I'm scared to have two kids, wondering if I'll be able to give them both the time they need (especially because at the moment, my little bubs deserves my very best always and I give my everything to him, he is my greatest importance in my decision making right now, he comes first at the moment). But at the same time, I'm just so excited to extend our little family. In the end we want a big family of five kids and I want to move towards that, but only at the right time for my bubba right now. And I want to make sure I can cope I just don't know what to expect with two kids so can't even imagine what it will be like.
Any thoughts guys?
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20-04-2016 09:55 #1Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
Age gap between number 1 and 2
20-04-2016 10:22 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
Sounds to me like you are more worried than excited about having a second...I would say that's your answer.
I got clucky around the 12 month mark with my first, I think this is quite normal.
20-04-2016 10:27 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
I have a exactly 4 year age gap. I currently have a newborn (#2) and I feel amazing even after 7 weeks of having a newborn and even though my 4yr old is up at 6:30 and wants to go to the park. a close age gap will not instantly make your children the best of friends. I took advice from my mother in law and step mother in law and waited, meanwhile watched my friends struggle with 2, in same cases it even put some strain on the marriage. Having said that, while my friends kids are playing together my 4 yr old is still playing alone while his baby sibling sleeps and I dare say the age difference may really suck once oldest hits high school. For health seasons you should wait 18 month postpartum before getting pregnant again, you experience new aches and pains with 2nd pregnancy which makes like even harder.
20-04-2016 11:03 #4
@Jane17031703 how old are you? If you want a big family then if you're in your 30's you can't really hang about! But if you are in your 20's you've got a bit of time.....well, it really depends on your fertility but as a general guide.
I would have loved two kids a couple of years apart but my fertility is awful, I started trying to have kids at 36 and just managed to have my second with the help of a donor at 43
However I think having a toddler and infant may have (honestly) broken me. My son was just very stressful to deal with from 2 to 3.5 and the whole time I was thanking god I didn't have two to deal with (even though I was going through round after round of IVF!). He's chilling out now just in time for the arrival of number 2.
Here we go again!
20-04-2016 13:36 #5
My #1 and #2 have a 2yrs 2 month age gap but we started TTC when DS1 was just over 6 months old. It was tough I'm not gunna lie but worth it. DS1 and DS2 are so incredibly close now at almost 8 and almost 6.
We have a slightly larger gap between #2 and #3 - (3 years) and i actually found the larger gap harder.
20-04-2016 14:07 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
Age gap between number 1 and 2
Last edited by yadot; 15-05-2016 at 18:56.
20-04-2016 16:04 #7
Ive got a 19 month age gap with my boys who are now 10 months and 29 months. The reason the gap is quite small is because we had ivf for ds1 but I wanted to try naturally first still with ds2 even though we had some frozen embryos. My thought was to try for about a year before going down ivf route again but I ended up getting pregnant 2 months after coming off pill.
In terms for your concerns. For a start my ds1 is a great sleeper. We did some sleep training at 6 months and it was the best thing we ever did. It meant that since he was 6 months he's been sleeping though the night so I didn't have to worry too much about sleepless nights while pregnant. In terms of the second pregnancy, yep it's harder with a toddler as you can't take time to relax if you feel sick or tired but I'm quite lucky that I didn't have particularly difficult pregnancies. I sometimes wished ds1 was more mobile as it's hard lifting baby when pregnant when in the park etc but you just get on with it.
Do you have any help such as family? When ds2 was born my mum came to stay for 3 weeks which helped a lot as she was looking after ds1 so the transition didn't seem to bad on him as he was happy for the extra attention he was getting from someone new. At that age I don't think they have a huge amount of understanding about the new baby so in our case ds1 just got on with it. Another thing which has made it easier is that ds1 is very independent so he doesn't often want to sit with me and is generally happy for baby to be getting the extra attention. I can see that this might be different if your first is more clingy as it is tough trying to juggle both on your knee!
If you don't have much help like me you'll need to just try to get into little routines to help get through the day. Ds2 has been a difficult baby. He has colic so just screamed all day for the first 12 weeks and it's tough trying to fit a newborns routine around your 19 month old. I just ended up having him a carrier all the time and we went out the house most of the day to keep me sane. I found bedtimes a bit stressful but for me my saving grace was the fact I could put ds1 to bed and leave him to for to sleep on his own so I only had to leave the baby on his own crying for 5 mins. If I had to spend a long time with ds1 putting him go bed i don't know what I would have done.
I will admit that I've found the transition from one to two very hard and it's definitely put me off having anymore. But I don't think that's necessarily due to the small age gap, more that it's hard having to think about 2 babies routines etc etc rather than one. I do have times when I lose my temper easily as I'm tired and stressed and I have to keep reminding myself that my toddler is just doing what all toddlers do and he's still a baby too. But I can already see a bond developing and hope with time the hard times will be worth it!
20-04-2016 16:27 #8
I have 20 months between my boys, who are now 3 and 16 months. Love love love my age gap. Wanted the same between 2 & 3 but my body isn't cooperating.
In saying that, DS1 was an amazing sleeper, slept 12 hours through the night from 4 or 5 months old. Also had a decent 1.5-3 hr nap every day since DS2 was born, until the past week or so. I don't know how I'd cope with difficult sleepers, as I'm someone who needs my eight hours every night so I'd probably struggle.
There are pros and cons to all age gaps, and I think no matter what you end up with people tend to be happy with their gaps.
Good luck with your decision.
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