Hi guys, I have used attachment parenting style with my bubba, responding to all his cues early, wearing him, etc. and I want to keep up attachment parenting.
Lately he is throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his own way (nappy changed, when put in high chair etc), being real rough with myself, other people and children (hair pulling, hitting etc)
I'm not sure how to respond to this because I want a well behaved child, but I want him to know I care about his feelings and I want him to express them. I'm sure he can't express his frustrations in a mature way yet, but I don't want to encourage bad behaviors (especially hitting and hair pulling).
How do you keep with the attachment style parenting at this age? Any tips?thank you!
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20-04-2016 09:34 #1Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
Parenting 10 month old
20-04-2016 19:01 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2016
I kept picking him up when he wanted which was always, he got terrible with nappies about this age, so I used pull ups but it was only a month or so and reg nappies were in again....he's sleept with me since 8w, bf, harness heaps until didn't want to Coz could crawl....not a great sleeper, I still feed or drive him to sleep, still in bed with me, but very sweet and mostly gentle, shares well, reads numbers and letters, talks a fair bit, 21 mths old.....
20-04-2016 19:31 #3
Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. Just be firm but consistent.
He doesn't understand or know what he is doing. For undesirable behaviours, say "please don't- that's owie". Make a sad/crying face. Then show positive and gentle behaviour - with a happy face.
When changing his nappy- talk him Thru it.
IE. Look baby. You've pooped your pants. Mummy has to change you so you don't get sores and owies on your bum. First we take your pants off. Then we blow kisses on your feet. Then we take this yucky nappy off. Phew. That is so so stinky. Look. Here is a new clean nappy. Wow.
Etc. Otherwise use a toy to distract him.
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20-04-2016 19:33 #4
You can definitely respect their feelings and expression while enforcing boundaries
I'm way too tired to write proper paragraphs right now but here's a few thoughts:
- Always be modeling the behaviour you want to see (I know it's hard to model having your nappy changed, but you can model being generally gentle/polite/etc )
- Acknowledge their feelings, eg. "I know you really wanted that *assorted object they can't have*, I hear you're really upset that you can't have. It is frustrating to want something you can't have, etc etc"
- After this, distraction and redirection!
- Remind them of the "correct" behaviour, eg instead of just "Don't hit!", try "We use our hands gently, like this", and hold their hand and touch something gently, talk about how great being gentle is
- Lots of deep breaths and staying calm on your end, as infuriating as they can be. I totally swear at DS in my head while speaking gently to him :P It's ok for you to feel your feelings too! And you can say that you're feeling frustrated or angry or whatever too, to help teach appropriate emotional expression.
- Make your home environment as safe and babyproofed as possible, so you don't have to spend all day saying no and stopping them from doing stuff, you'll both be calmer and happier
- "connection before correction" is a good motto to remember
- also remember, to "discipline" really means (and should mean) to teach, help your child learn better behaviour rather than just punish them
I have an almost 2 year old and all this is working pretty well so far.
Sorry for the poorly written post! I'll add more if get a chance
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