I'm nearly 29 years old, my DS's Dad is nearly 40! We are workers! I would lose my mind on a long weekend because I would get bored and felt I should be working! I worked 6 days a week, 9 months of the year, plus overtime and then 7 days, 3 months of the year plus overtime! We didn't want kids at all. (He already has two).
But my accident/surprise happened and now I can't understand why I never wanted children!
Life is full of sacrifices, compromises and negotiations so if we have to sacrifice our career and negotiate a new/less significant/pleasurable position to bring the bread home then that's what we have to do!
There are thousands of jobs out there that you might not have ever looked at because it's not your forte but you will find something to suit your new lifestyle, if you look outside your comfort zone!
I'm not there yet so I hope I'm not speaking out of turn but that is just me trying to be positive!!!!!
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16-04-2016 23:44 #51
17-04-2016 03:01 #52
17-04-2016 05:30 #53
17-04-2016 06:11 #54
I feel this.
And I know people view teaching as one of the most flexible jobs. Before maternity leave I most certainly was in a good position. Having worked at the same school for 7 years. Took lsl and maternity. DD was born with unexpected complications. And I ended up asking for part time. Was refused. Then told okay but given the dogs body kind of job. ..and newer staff were given the consistency. Eg..I would be going from class to class and not have my own. They did this for their own conscience - to be seen to be family friendly but knowing I wouldn't take it.
So I stayed home.
I did some relief teaching. I tried going back full time in a new school and was told 'maybe you can't do this job because you have a child with a disability '. Which was just one up from being inflexible because you're a mother.
So I decided to embrace it. I'm studying. I intend to complete my masters degree before DD goes to school and then I'm hoping that my professional growth is enough to be attractive to a brand new school and I'll start all over again.
I hate that these things were taken out of my control.
The Following User Says Thank You to Tamtam For This Useful Post:
17-04-2016 06:30 #55Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Sydney NSW
I agree that career at least 'goes on hold' during the years of having children. I was grateful for opportunities to work part time but i only did that on the full understanding in my brain that i couldn't seriously hope for progression when part time. Not possible in my role. So 9 years of sucking it up ( my choice). Just getting back into it now with the promotion i have wanted my whole career. Now that i have it, i realise i could not have done this role when pregnant or with young babies so the delay turned out to be a blessing. Not that i knew it at the time.
17-04-2016 06:36 #56
Mine has taken a big pit stop. A manager role came up and apparently I was the best choice for the position, my manager then told me that because I was part time (returned to work when DS was 5 months) I didn't get the role as I wasn't as reliable as before I.e in 5 days a week, able to work later/earlier etc. Now I'm expecting bubs2 I can't see any fantastic job prospects coming up for quite a while. I also think my only choice will be to work for myself or take a lower level position when I'm ready to return to work :-/
17-04-2016 06:56 #57
I have a job with room for professional/personal development not a career but the second they found out I was doing fertility treatment they refused to support further study and every promotion was given to less experienced/qualified staff. I kept fertility treatment quiet but it had to come out when a dangerous drug exploded in my face and the first question asked was 'is there any chance you may be pregnant'.
I always ask for feedback on interviews and get fed utter crp about not having as much experience or not knowing the system. All a crock excuse for me being seen as a liability even though I was working FT, give 100% when I'm there and have a great rapport with the rest of the department and clients. I'd be more satisfied if they said you're a bish and we don't like your attitude, over been lied to.
I feel I am discriminated against for being a parent and I see it happen all the time in my workplace but I don't know what can be done about it. When we are interviewed for internal positions our answers are graded on a 1-5 scale. I find it rather convenient that all the women with children or those who are seen to be moving in that direction are always interviewed last. Every single position in the last 5 years has gone to a male or a younger less experienced female colleague.
Dh works nights so when Dd has been sick we take turns. It's blooming exhausting being up all night then going to work or for him to work all night then care for her during the day. I have decided to study for my dream career while my two are little so I can start fresh when they are a little bit more independent. Something else we are also planing is to move back to NZ where we have family support.
Last edited by Ngaiz; 17-04-2016 at 07:09.
17-04-2016 06:57 #58Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2016
I've been reading along since last night.
If you want your employer to support you, maybe you need to show that in return you are committed and willing to make sacrifices for them when required.
"I want to work 3 days", "I can't travel because I bf" and "I can't put in extra hours". Probably aren't going to win you any brownie points. I am not singling anyone out, so if I quoted you please don't take it as a personal attack.
I've worked for the same org for nearly 6 years and after 18 months I took a year off on mat leave, then returned 4 days, as a rule I am in before 8 and leave a half 4, I'm the only one who does this - no drama. I do have to travel in my job, interstate and NZ, I do this without question when asked and so am only asked when it's really essential/no one else can do it. If DH is traveling I put it in my dairy as far in advance as possible and make it clear I can't travel during that same period. I've worked hard to show that I can do my job and hit targets regardless of having a child and working pt. I went back ft about a year ago.
Recently I was offered a promotion into a newly created role, and had to tell the GM I am utd, I expected it to be the end of that, and he told me it changed nothing, he'd need to cover me whatever role I was doing and is also fine with me returning to 4 days.
So supportive employers do exist, and you can keep your career, it's just a bit of a juggle to manage your family and meet their expectations too, the first year is the hardest.
OP if I were you I'd interview for FT roles, if you can really prove yourself in the first 6 months, you'll probably find you can drop a day down the track. Your Bub will not just survive day care, they will thrive! Good Luck!
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17-04-2016 07:11 #59
I hear you. I went back to work 12 months ago. 12 hrs a week i got. Complained to someone higher up in October now im on 19 hours. I have applied for 2 full time positions in the past 6 weeks; a newbie with no child was hired instead.
9 years, management training and wanting to go full time means diddly squat. Because i have a child.
Last edited by MummaCat; 17-04-2016 at 07:24.
17-04-2016 07:27 #60Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
Yep, if having a baby doesn't kill your career, then it certainly puts a whopping great dent in it
I was promoted when I was pregnant with DS1, before I'd told them. After maternity leave, I came back P/T on 3 days a week. The industry was pretty slow, so they didn't voice any objections. However, insread of being seated up with the other engineers, I was given a desk way down the other end in amongst the admin team, who were all mums working part time. I was out of mind, out of sight, and when someone needed to share out work, I was totally off their radar, so I would end up with the dregs no-one else wanted. Another issue that compounded it is that when clients asked for a job to be done, they usually want it finished asap - and while once upon a time I would have worked evenings and weekends (often without charging my time), I could now only work at about half the speed. Then add in DS1 getting sick a fair bit during his first year at daycare, and there was simply no way that I could ever compete with the other engineers.
What about your DH, you ask? Well, as much as I liked to think that everything would all be equitable once DS arrived, realities and practicalities meant that wasn't the case, and I was even actively colluding in my own relegation to the traditional norm. DH's job paid better and was less impacted by the industry slowdown even before DS arrived, so it made more sense for us to prioritise his career over mine for the moment. Add to that the fact that he did some FIFO work as well, and it certainly felt like my return to work was merely "dabbling".
After a year back at work, I left for another year of maternity leave with DS2. Work was happy for me to take time off, because things have been even slower. The end of the 12 months is now fast approaching, so I contacted work to start sorting out details before I lock in a daycare place. And, lo and behold, they've asked if I can take another 6 to 12 months off, or alternatively if I'd like to be made voluntarily redundant. Things are still slow, and I am of course the easiest target. My previous years of great service count for squat.
I totally understnd why women with small children make unattractive employees and I "get" why employers act the way they do. But it sucks that everything in our society seems to be set up so that it's one parent (usually the woman) who takes the career hit. After talking to my employer last week, I was left feeling frankly useless and unnecessary and inconsequential. There simply aren't any jobs in my industry at the moment that would suit working part-time with two kids, and my skills are pretty specialised.
Fortunately, we're in a financial position where we can manage another year or so without a second income, so I'm thinking that maybe it's an opportune time to do more study. It will look better on my CV than SAHM for another year, and hopefully the industry will have picked up in 12 months' time and the new qualification will provide me witha few more options and leverage to negotiate suitable working arrangements.
Last edited by Gentoo; 17-04-2016 at 07:37.
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