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  1. #71
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    Say what!!??
    You have no income of your own (as you are raising his babies) , all your DHs income is his own after bills, and he kindly gives you pocket money , but you have no access or idea about what $$ are in the accounts. That is not a partnership.
    Sounds like there is much more to this than p*rn....

  2. #72
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    I have no income of my own even as the breadwinner. Everything is allocated and anyspare goes aside for the kids.

    Before we jump on the money issue id like to hear if he is teying to keep things in the dark or it has just hapoened that way or if there is some other kind of mutual agreement

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  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    Is this because you don't want to know/don't care or because he has restricted your access to this information?
    No he hasn't restricted my access to information I just don't ask. It just doesn't bother me. He's not tight or spending money on himself while I go without or anything like that.

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  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    Say what!!??
    You have no income of your own (as you are raising his babies) , all your DHs income is his own after bills, and he kindly gives you pocket money , but you have no access or idea about what $$ are in the accounts. That is not a partnership.
    Sounds like there is much more to this than p*rn....
    No money of my own since the changes to Centrelink last financial year. I have no access but I don't go without, he is generous. There are a lot of other issues besides p*rn.

  7. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashar View Post
    No money of my own since the changes to Centrelink last financial year. I have no access but I don't go without, he is generous. There are a lot of other issues besides p*rn.
    Thats my point - as a SAHM, you should have fair and EQUAL access to FAMILY money (that he currently earns), and you should have a fair say in how/when and where family money is spent. It astounds me that you have no idea what your families financial position is!? I just find it really odd. I'd start asking!
    What if something goes pear-shaped and (for example) he is laid up in hospital, or stuck overseas, or loses his wallet or a myriad of other reasons...and you get stuck with no money or even access or idea as to how to access family money.
    Or even worse, if he decides to walk out and you are left with nothing and no access to anything, and no idea what financial position your FAMILY is even in??

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  9. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    Thats my point - as a SAHM, you should have fair and EQUAL access to FAMILY money (that he currently earns), and you should have a fair say in how/when and where family money is spent. It astounds me that you have no idea what your families financial position is!? I just find it really odd. I'd start asking!
    What if something goes pear-shaped and (for example) he is laid up in hospital, or stuck overseas, or loses his wallet or a myriad of other reasons...and you get stuck with no money or even access or idea as to how to access family money.
    Or even worse, if he decides to walk out and you are left with nothing and no access to anything, and no idea what financial position your FAMILY is even in??
    Sorry, yes I did say I had no money of my own but I meant no income of my own. I have enough money of my own if/when I need it for an emergency. As for family finances we have a large mortgage and bills that come along with that just like a lot of other couples I imagine. If he walks/ we separate we would sell & I would start again.

  10. #77
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    Ashar, you have said it a number of times already in this thread and I'm sure you tell yourself this on a regular basis, but you have a lot of issues in your relationship and also issues of your own that go way beyond your husband watching p0rn.

    What I would do in your situation is seek some counselling ASAP. For yourself and also couples counselling. Honestly, with the things you have Written about what your "dear" husband has said, and his seemingly controlling position in the family, I would probably just up and leave if it was me, but with 2 little ones, no income and low self esteem, that's a lot easier said than done. Counselling first, and then try to figure out if it's even worth staying in this relationship. It's obviously impossible for complete strangers to judge your situation, but based solely on what you have a written, he really doesn't deserve you, regardless of how much money he makes or how many fans he has.

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  12. #78
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    XH was a pron addict and it had a huge negative impact on our intimacy. In this case, pron was the problem not a symptom.

    When DH worked FIFO 3/1 roster he accessed pron but for his week home we had fantastic intimacy. In this case while not symptomatic of a "problem" it was accessed due to a "challenge" (physically being apart). Neither of us made a big deal of it and it was only mentioned by him because DD wanted to use his iPad so he talked about having to check for anything possibly left on it. For *us*, no big deal.

    So i have personal experience of both sides of the coin (healthy v's unhealthy use of pron).

    FIFO is hard! We didn't have what it takes and called it quits after less than a year. We could see that it would start to cause relationship issues down the track. DH was working with blokes who had been doing it forever and was shocked at how effed up their relationships were. They would all winge about working so their missus could spend it all, drink every night, use the services of 'ladies of the night'... pron was the least of most of those wives' worries. He was shocked and didn't want to see us end up like that just for money!

    I'm assuming if he is on 1/1 you two can make time for counseling. I'd highly recommended this as it sounds like your relationship has fallen into lots of bad habits and you really need to open up and communicate.

    It's very easy for us to read snippets and individual incidents and tsk tsk that he's doing no good but we don't know all the ins and outs. We haven't lived your lives to know how your relationship has gotten to this point. If you both want to work at fixing it, or even just working out that the problems are too big to fix and it's time to walk away (as happened with XH and I) relationship counseling should be considered essential IMO, based on my experience of it.

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  14. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    Ashar, you have said it a number of times already in this thread and I'm sure you tell yourself this on a regular basis, but you have a lot of issues in your relationship and also issues of your own that go way beyond your husband watching p0rn.

    What I would do in your situation is seek some counselling ASAP. For yourself and also couples counselling. Honestly, with the things you have Written about what your "dear" husband has said, and his seemingly controlling position in the family, I would probably just up and leave if it was me, but with 2 little ones, no income and low self esteem, that's a lot easier said than done. Counselling first, and then try to figure out if it's even worth staying in this relationship. It's obviously impossible for complete strangers to judge your situation, but based solely on what you have a written, he really doesn't deserve you, regardless of how much money he makes or how many fans he has.
    Yes you're right I should have left by now & have thought about it a lot lately, not just for myself but for him as well. If anyone else was in this situation I would advise them to leave, but it really is hard to organise things. I find the thought of putting our house on the market & keeping it "show ready" overwhelming with the twins & that really is the only thing stopping me.

  15. #80
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    If that is the only thing stopping you then you really should be leaving, sooner rather than later. But I would get some counselling first as your reason for staying in the relationship is very odd to me, and I think your anxiety could be addressed with some professional help before you make the decision to leave. Better yet, get him to pay for it while you're still together! 👍🏼

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