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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciDahling View Post
    I'm sorry Op, this is obviously a really difficult time.
    I'm not so worried about you going through his phone. One wrong doesn't excuse another IMO.
    Like @Mamasupial id be more concerned about the woman messaging him and the fact that he's subscribed to p.orn sites with joint money.
    But more than any of that, it's no wonder you're feeling sad if you're feeling physically disconnected from your partner. If you feel as though he doesn't want you physically. Can you tell him that? Not the p.orn, not the going through his phone, just "I love you and want to feel close to you. I feel sad that we're not having sex" or something like that.
    I did tell him all that on Monday night, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer & blurted out "how do you feel about me finding p0rn on your phone" & "I'm still attracted to you and I still love you & how do you think it makes me feel when you'd rather watch p0rn or go out with your groupies than be with me" blah blah blah, picture ugly crying face & mental and no wonder he hasn't spoken to me since!

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    That message alone wouldn't have been enough to make me snoop.

    So you have 3 year old twins, your hubby is FIFO and plays music late on weekends when he is home?
    1 week away 1 week home, plays weekends could be one night could be three.

  3. #23
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    P.orn isn't acceptable in my relationship. It's a huge deal breaker for me. I respect that other couples are ok with it; I personally am not. I would be really upset, op, especially if I were sitting at home looking after the kids whilr he was out here & there, & then chose to interact with p.orn instead of with me. I have no advice, but just wanted to say - it's ok to not be ok with it.

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  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashar View Post
    I did tell him all that on Monday night, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer & blurted out "how do you feel about me finding p0rn on your phone" & "I'm still attracted to you and I still love you & how do you think it makes me feel when you'd rather watch p0rn or go out with your groupies than be with me" blah blah blah, picture ugly crying face & mental and no wonder he hasn't spoken to me since!
    Honestly with context, I'd be heartbroken and I would ugly cry and be mental too.
    It sounds like you are both really disconnected and three year old twins will do that to a couple! Add in the fifo and the messages and the p.orn subscriptions?
    My advice (I know it's unsolicited but I'll give it anyway!) would be to write it all down - no accusatory language ie I feel hurt and devalued when other women message you - and see how you go.
    Relationships Australia are a good resource too.

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  7. #25
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    This thread isn't about how the OP found out. She's acknowledged it wasn't great but what's done is done.

    OP in all the circumstances I'd be pretty upset. If you had a very happy intimate relationship then I'd be saying don't stress, but given what you've said about the lack of S.ex I'd be very unhappy.

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  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    This thread isn't about how the OP found out. She's acknowledged it wasn't great but what's done is done.

    OP in all the circumstances I'd be pretty upset. If you had a very happy intimate relationship then I'd be saying don't stress, but given what you've said about the lack of S.ex I'd be very unhappy.
    True however it may play a role in her husbands reaction and how they will move forward.

    In saying that I may have done the same.

  10. #27
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    Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 16-04-2016 at 00:01.

  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    OP, my partner watches porn. He never does it when I am around but, you know, smart phones make it very accessible.
    I am idealogically opposed to pornography on the grounds that women, invariably, occupy a very disempowered and objectified space in its landscape. I don't (generally) think I'm prudish about it.

    Actually, there was a point to my post but it seems to have disappeared. I'll come back when I remember what it was...oh dear.
    I feel your point. I'm loathe to get into a main****** p.orn debate but I feel it.
    My turning point was reading a piece by Robert Jensen. Is it harmful or harmless? Is it a sliding scale? I don't know.
    This was it for anyone interested:
    http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/~rjensen/fr...hy&cruelty.htm

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  13. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashar View Post
    1 week away 1 week home, plays weekends could be one night could be three.
    I would have more of a problem with your DH not being around at home much. Moreso than watching porn. Have you spoken with him about his being absent so much? Maybe if you approach him from
    An angle of "I miss you. Your kids need you" you will have more success than being cranky at him for watching porn that you found on his phone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashar View Post
    I did tell him all that on Monday night, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer & blurted out "how do you feel about me finding p0rn on your phone" & "I'm still attracted to you and I still love you & how do you think it makes me feel when you'd rather watch p0rn or go out with your groupies than be with me" blah blah blah, picture ugly crying face & mental and no wonder he hasn't spoken to me since!
    Just had a thought OP. And I'm
    Not trying to stir

    When you spoke with your husband you were focused on yourself a lot - there were a lot of "I" statements. Perhaps when he is next home you could focus things on your hubby "how are you feeling?" "Why do you watch porn?" "What do you think about when you are away FIFO?" "Do you miss the kids when you are away?"

    Might help your hubby feel more comfortable with talking and from that you might find a bit of info that helps you get to the bottom of things.

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