He's not abusing the social system by getting child support from you. That's how it is supposed to work.
Sorry but as a child of an absent parent - get out of her life for good unless you want to develop a genuine relationship for reasons beyond reducing your CS payments, which it doesn't really sound like.
Give her the chance to recover from rejection and maybe someone will come into her life who wants to be a mum to her.
I'm forever thankful my bio father decided to f**k off entirely instead of flit in and out of my life.
If you do want to, I strongly suggest counselling for you.
I'm sorry for the circumstances which put you in this position but ultimately you do have a child now and it actually makes my heart hurt hearing that she tries hard to make you like her
That's not a burden a child should have to bear.
Results 11 to 20 of 30
11-04-2016 16:57 #11
11-04-2016 16:58 #12
11-04-2016 16:59 #13Senior Member
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11-04-2016 17:02 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
I have to agree with the previous posters and @HillDweller.
It doesn't sound like you want to bond with her. Your ex is not forcing you to spend time with your child - you admit that you only offered to do this to reduce your child support payments. If you don't want to do this then walk away. It sounds like that might be the best option for now, for you and for your daugher.
Bonding is not going to happen by magic and unless and until you put some serious effort into forming a healthy relationship and WANTING to be a decent mother then it won't happen.
I think your issues about this child cannot be resolved on this forum and it would be in your best interests to seek some psychological support to work through the issues you have.If you aren't willing to work on this then I think for now your daughter would be better off staying with her dad full-time. A major red flag is where you said "she's trying to make us like her" - this poor child has done nothing to deserve your attitude towards her and of course she wants you to like her you are her mother. Please seek some professional help if you want to build a relationship with her, you are seriously risking damaging her.
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11-04-2016 17:03 #15
Every child deserves to be loved and well looked after.
It takes two people to have a baby and you dont seem to take any responsibility for your part in it.
If you are not interested in counselling to help you with strategies to bond with your daughter then I would say walk away as the attitude you have now will not do her any good.
11-04-2016 17:04 #16
OP do you feel any kind of emotion or nice feelings towards her? I get that you didn't want to become a mum and feel you were manipulated into a situation you didn't want to be a part of (but you could've/should've stood up and been a bit more vocal in the past but that's the past and it's too late to change it now).
ok so you don't see yourself as a "mother". but this child isn't going anywhere and quite frankly, you got yourself into this pickle by being too compliant years ago, so you're going to have to suck it up and make a go of this mothering gig. 2 days a fortnight is a pretty small commitment but probably feels like a huge commitment if you're not into it.
do you want to bond with your daughter or not? consenting to seeing her for the time per fortnight that you do in order to save yourself child support is very cold. I think if she ever learned this fact, she'd be devastated.
you need to make more of an effort really. you're her mum. stop looking at the situation as a burden and grow up and accept the consequences of your decisions. it was ultimately your own actions that led you here so it's up to you to make the best of it. it's unfair that your daughter should suffer because you were too compliant all those years ago to speak up and put your needs first.
you need to change your perspective and learn to find joy in the mundane. you have your preferred life the other 12 days each fortnight, for 2 days you need to put on the mum hat and do your best to make that kid feel special. you may find as she gets older your relationship will change and as an older kid/young adult, she needs less of a mum figure and you can be more of a friend. however if you don't try now, you'll never get to that point, which I think is sad. she's not going to be a young kid forever.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say but well done for being honest but I think you need to set your feelings aside now as there's a kid who's counting on you. give it your all 2 days every fortnight, who knows, it may grow on you. you do need to stop focusing on what an imposition she is though.
11-04-2016 17:20 #17
OMG I feel for your poor child, she will be feeling the resentment I'm sure, how sad for her! You got yourself into the mess your in, deal with it instead of feeling sorry for yourself. At least try for the sake of your daughter.
11-04-2016 17:24 #18
Unable to bond with my 5yo daughter
You don't sound like you want a relationship with her at all. The whole post was filled with selfish 'me me me' comments.
Sorry but if you are only taking care of her for the money, just give her back to her father/Inlaws - pay the money and let this be the only decent motherly act you do for her.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you have posted this in the wrong forum if you were looking for sympathy and I'm sorry the fact you seem to profess your love of cats and dogs before your own child does not change my opinion of this situation.
11-04-2016 17:35 #19
This truly is the wrong place to be posting this. There are many women on here who would give anything to have a child to care for. For the sake of your child you shouldn't be a part of her life, you sound incredibly selfish and your child is better off without you.
11-04-2016 17:46 #20
Gosh this makes me so sad...
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