I just caught up with this whole thread and feel heartbroken for you OP.
My husband (at the time) put pressure on me to abort my unplanned pregnancy, and it ended up costing us our marriage. I was also in a situation of no direct support, my only family living overseas etc. My husband said some extremely hurtful, impossible to forget things under the guise of 'honesty', even during a threatened miscarriage.
So, I have some limited understanding of how you might have been feeling. Let yourself grieve, not only the loss but the hospital experience, the lack of support, the whole kit and caboodle.
I wish you so much luck and happiness in the future. Fwiw it does sound to me like this wasn't a viable pregnancy, so please don't batter yourself with what ifs. I also think when you feel strong enough you and your husband need to have a good long talk about your future - what you want, what you expect, what your deal breakers are.
And please trust me, if you don't see eye-to-eye on pregnancy/children, it's more than likely he won't 'come around' to your way of thinking any more than he can expect you to 'come around' to his. The sad truth is that for some things in life there is no compromise. Better to know now where you stand with each other.
Big hugs and I hope you are travelling ok.
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18-06-2016 13:32 #41
2 early and faint positive tests , irregular periods - don't believe the tests!!
Last edited by harvs; 18-06-2016 at 14:35.
18-06-2016 20:05 #42Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2016
@JustJaq thank you for your kind words and for thinking of me and checking on me too, that means a lot. I've been checking this thread often and what you said helped a little.
If I can find specific counselling, I will think of trying it (instead of making you read essays )
'm scared of calling the nurse at the clinic too where do I start with that. Not that they will be able to tell me definitely so it won't help at all. I know it doesn't sound like it was viable but I didn't check, and I technically had an abortion not a registered miscarriage and nothing will change that, it's too late.
It's weird, now I'm not pregnant I have no motivation to start my course and am beginning to think its a waste of time and maybe having the baby would have been better. I don't have any desire to do anything right now it all seems pointless and that it will end in nothing, like it always does. I guess the grass is always greener, I'm trying to imagine what my thinking would be like if I were still pregnant - wanting to study, not wanting a baby and trying to feel that way again. But now things have changed so have I. It's not like I've gone back to how things were before like I was never pregnant.
I definitely can't bring myself to tell my friends it's too hard and they will definitely think I did the wrong thing. The bible says that God personally creates each unique life as a gift. There is no grey area there.
I think I may need a GP appointment during the week as I have sharp shooting abdominal pains I'm worried about not being normal. Theyre not that bad but I am constantly aware my mind is saying I'm one of the few who got over scraped and damaged and now I will never be pregnant again because of what I did. So that either needs to be ruled out for my mind to be at rest or investigated. I could ask the doctor my questions about the miscarriage and counselling there too.
@harvs thank you also for taking the time to read through all of this and share your story with me too. Our experiences sound incredibly similar, it is nice that you understand to some degree and feel I should let myself greive. It is definitely like I need permission because I'm so confused about what happened and too guilty to feel like I can be sad about something I technically chose as the better option. Better option I guess doesn't mean a good one... I am still beating myself up about my choice, because it was a choice and I think it was the wrong one. I should have had a scan to find out whether it was viable or not, then I would have probably ended up with a D and C for miscarriage and still have been sad but not guilty as I would have known for certian, or, they could have said it was healthy in which case after hearing that I really wouldn't have been able to go through with the operation. The choice I made was a rushed and stupid and wrong one because I just wanted it all to be over and of course, its not.
If and when I am feeling better and able to talk about this without crying, I definitely will have a serious talk with my husband. Not exactly looking forward to it but it needs to be done.
Last edited by Lancashire Lass; 18-06-2016 at 20:42.
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