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  1. #31
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    Default Meant to be

    Not worth it

  2. #32
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    So many hugs @mummymaybe I'm so sorry for your loss. What your coworker said is just insanely offensive, hurtful and innaproriate.

    I don't believe in 'meant to be/not be', and I don't believe that things happen in life to teach us something. I think sometimes sh!tty things happen, and it's not because of fate, it's just that we happened to be at the wrong end of a really sh!tty random circumstance. If we choose to take away a lesson from it, and it makes us a better, more caring and compassionate person, then that's great. But if it doesn't, then that's understandable too. By saying that something terrible happens for a reason or was meant to be just trivialises a person's grief and devalues the life of the person who's gone.

    Your perefect baby deserved a life, and you deserved to spend your life being able to watch your child grow. But there's one thing that this loss can't change and can't take from you - the love you will always have for your child xox

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  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    Ok I've put my big girl panties on and calmed down so I'll respond properly.

    While I don't believe in 'meant to be' I understand some do. I think these beliefs are formed through experience, faith and spirituality.

    Can I just say this, you may believe in fate, God, the universe or things that were just 'meant to be' but please be mindful of saying these things in an attempt to comfort somebody. It is incredibly painful to hear and in my experience makes my grief seem trivial.

    A little example to consider before offering such 'comfort'. I returned to work this week after our sons stillbirth and the following conversation took place.

    Coworker: you look good, welcome back
    Me: thanks (ready to walk away)
    Coworker: this was a good thing, your bad sick baby is gone. It happened for a reason
    Me: ok ( tears flowing)
    Coworker: yes it's good, you will get a better baby. A healthy good baby
    Me: ok ( more tears)

    I'm sure this lady meant well, she is a genuine caring person but I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I had seen my sons perfect little toes, I had planned our life. It wasn't good and it didn't happen for a reason!
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    that was an incredibly insensitive and unhelpful thing your coworker said to you and I'm sorry you were put through that.

  5. #34
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    I don't believe in meant to be, sht just happens. Of course, I'm never going to say this to someone grieving or ill, it's just how I feel and helps me get through tough times. It's my way of accepting the things I can't control.

    Hugs mummymaybe xx Your little boy was not well but was perfect in every way xx.
    Last edited by Ngaiz; 10-04-2016 at 10:16.

  6. #35
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    It's the age old question really, isn't it? Why do bad things happen? What possible lesson can be learned from the horrendous situations already mentioned in this thread? The more and more utter heartache I experience, see and hear about, the more jaded with the world I become. I can't help it.
    I think those who are saying they believe in a "meant to be" notion aren't meaning to offend or trivialize people's experiences, I think it's a view that helps people make sense of completely senseless situations, iykwim? I myself have questioned my own personal experiences and am still in the raw stages of emotionally coming to terms with my recent pregnancy loss; what was the point? Why did that happen? I have my moments where I think to myself "it just wasn't meant to be" and then I think well, what was the reason?
    To be honest I do loosely believe that life and death are not accidental, that no one is born or dies before their time. And yet, as so many die in infancy and childhood or in terrible circumstances, if that is "meant to be" then that's just cruel. I can't make sense of it. Which is also why I live my life as an atheist, but that's going off track and again, a personal opinion that I guess you could say resulted from me being so jaded and confused by this life.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 10-04-2016 at 11:53.

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  8. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ngaiz View Post
    I don't believe in meant to be, sht just happens. Of course, I'm never going to say this to someone grieving or ill, it's just how I feel and helps me get through tough times. It's my way of accepting the things I can't control.
    this. you've just articulated what I failed to.

    I would never ever tell someone "oh that's just how it's meant to be". without doubt, it's a way I am able to accept and work through things beyond my control.

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    As others have said. I would never say its meant to be to someone. Its just how I deal with the crappy things that life throws at ME .

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  12. #38
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    This is just the thread I needed to read this morning, so thank you op, and everyone who has shared their stories.
    We have tried a few failed assisted ovulation cycles, and have now been told we need to go to the next step. I have been struggling all week with the thoughts of 'what did I do to deserve this?' And the jealousy of 'why is it so easy for so many other people?' I have always lived my life following the principles of karma - be nice and good to everyone and your life will be good.
    This thread made me question my beliefs and realise I need to stop blaming myself for something I may or may not have done to 'deserve' this.
    Everyone has valid points, there is horrible things happening daily. I think I still fall into the camp of 'everything happens for a reason' but I am starting to realise how much of a coping mechanism that is, and it doesn't help make sense of why horrible things happen - but maybe that is the point - it's the closest I can get to making sense of it. I would never say that to someone who had been through trauma like those mentioned, it is my personal way of coping.

  13. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post

    I'm sure this lady meant well, she is a genuine caring person but I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I had seen my sons perfect little toes, I had planned our life. It wasn't good and it didn't happen for a reason!
    I can't believe someone said this to you im so sorry that happened.

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    I believe in the term 'meant to be' just as I believe 'things happen for a reason'


 

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