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  1. #21
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    I believe in 'meant to be' in whatever form
    Maybe when it's pregnancy it's 'meant to be' occurring naturally or maybe it's 'meant to be' assisted or maybe it's not meant to be at all

    Either way I do believe there is a 'story' already written for us some people have a story with some incredible heartache and some with incredible joy and we may not know then or now or ever the reasons for these lessons but personally I have faith (religious based) that all is meant to be as it should.

  2. #22
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    Default Meant to be

    .

  3. #23
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    **changed my mind - too personal**
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 10-04-2016 at 08:42.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamasupial View Post
    For those that believe it's just how it's meant to be, does that apply to other areas of life?

    As in if someone gets terminal cancer, is that just how it's supposed to be?

    Not being nasty or anything but I find it incredibly hard to apply the "meant to be" to all areas as I saw a childhood friend suffer a short life of cancer.
    This is always my response to this as well. If someone's spouse dies we don't say "oh well maybe you weren't meant to be a wife", it's so demeaning and hurtful to apply this to children and parenthood. Not to mention how many children are born into awful circumstances, I can't fathom that that's "meant to be" either.

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  6. #25
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    but is just the way the cookie crumbles really not another way to say meant to be/not meant to be?
    To me, no it isn't the same thing. When I say the way the cookie crumbles, I mean that is just the way that it has occurred, without rhyme or reason. I think people are inclined to seek comfort in there being a reason. I don't want to be argumentative, but too me it doesn't make sense to say that there are reasons for one set of circumstances to occur, and then to say that another occurs for no reason.

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  8. #26
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    I don't believe in meant to be. I believe in some stuff happens sometimes and some people cop more of it than others for no other real reason than it just sucks.
    I believe attitude, will power etc can be a big contributor. Not in the "I can will the cancer out of my body" type of way, but more if you go into a job interview thinking you won't get it, you probably won't. I have been incredibly lucky on the pregnancy/children front. 4 smooth pregnancies where my biggest problem was a bout of hyperemesis with one of them. My children have all been well. My youngest had pyloric stenosis and my 2nd eldest has autism but overall I think I faired very well and I am so grateful. Some horrible (unmentionable at this stage) stuff happened to me as a child though. Did I deserve it? No. Do any of the children it happens to deserve it? Definitely not. And I sure as heck don't think that *that* was meant to happen to me. What kind of universe plans that?? I think I just got dealt crap parents, a crap family and a horrible set of circumstances and that's it.

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  10. #27
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    I believe in meant to be. In that we all have path in life. I have had miscarriages and fertility problems and other horrible things and for me I think that that was meant to be, it was my part in life.
    I also think that everyone has a certain amount of time on earth, that is not me saying its fair but yes life really does suck alot of the time. But Im not actually going to turn around to someone grieving and day its meant to be.

  11. #28
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    No I don't. Not at all. Not with the good stuff, and definitely not with the bad. War isn't meant to be. Children being abused isn't meant to be. Women being abused isn't meant to be. People not being able to have children isn't meant to be. Getting sick and/or dying at any age isn't meant to be.

    I don't believe there is a God who has a plan for us. I don't believe in fate. I think life is what you make of it. Some people get better hands than others, but that doesn't mean you can't affect and control your own life.

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  13. #29
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    Ok I've put my big girl panties on and calmed down so I'll respond properly.

    While I don't believe in 'meant to be' I understand some do. I think these beliefs are formed through experience, faith and spirituality.

    Can I just say this, you may believe in fate, God, the universe or things that were just 'meant to be' but please be mindful of saying these things in an attempt to comfort somebody. It is incredibly painful to hear and in my experience makes my grief seem trivial.

    A little example to consider before offering such 'comfort'. I returned to work this week after our sons stillbirth and the following conversation took place.

    Coworker: you look good, welcome back
    Me: thanks (ready to walk away)
    Coworker: this was a good thing, your bad sick baby is gone. It happened for a reason
    Me: ok ( tears flowing)
    Coworker: yes it's good, you will get a better baby. A healthy good baby
    Me: ok ( more tears)

    I'm sure this lady meant well, she is a genuine caring person but I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I had seen my sons perfect little toes, I had planned our life. It wasn't good and it didn't happen for a reason!

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  15. #30
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    @mummymaybe I'm so sorry for your loss and for what was said to you.

    When you have strength I would say something to that person if anyone ever said it again or something similar. My brother died years ago and when I went back to work I had someone say something along those lines. I burst into tears and told them things like that were not helpful and to never say them again.

    Might have been the wrong thing to say but if it saved one more person from their view of sympathy then I'm glad I said it.

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