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  1. #1
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    Default Tell me about 3-4 year age gaps

    The other thread is really interesting but I'd love to hear about what it's like to have an age gap between 3-4 years, as that's what we'll be aiming for.
    Pros? Cons? Challenges? Can they still play together this far apart?

    Ours won't be any less than 3 years apart, but hopefully closer to 3 than 4.

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    Clementine Grace  (08-04-2016)

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    Omfg. I have a 3yr age gap between dd2&3.

    Don't do it. Stick to 2yrs.

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    My first 2 are 3.5 years apart. Pros for us were definitely the maturity and understanding my older daughter had when her sister arrived. She was out of nappies and sleeping through. She also understood that I was busy with a baby so didn't have tantrums when she couldn't have me. She went to preschool and had her friends and was busy with that so the arrival of a sibling, while incredibly special, didn't rock her world the same way it did when I had closer age gaps.

    Cons are now they're 7 and 10.5 they rarely play together. That may be because I have other kids that followed and my 2nd and 3rd are as thick as thieves. My oldest is very close to a group of her school girlfriends and would rather hang out with them than with her sister. It doesn't bother her sister as she has a 5 year old brother she gets along well with. Other families it could be different if they had no other siblings.

    So much of the dynamics between siblings comes down to personality of the kids rather than age gaps.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Omfg. I have a 3yr age gap between dd2&3.

    Don't do it. Stick to 2yrs.
    See my experience with a 2 year age gap was awful.

    I don't think any 2 experiences are the same. My ideal gap if I had to have one was 2.5 years.

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    Interesting and following

    I guess there are pro's and cons to all age gaps, mine will be 3 years and right now that feels like a good gap (though I could eat my words this year). We also had to do IVF so we didn't think much about that, we're just lucky to be able to have another.

    Im hoping some things will be easier because my DS is a bit more independent but I expect that the gap will be too big for a lot of their interests to overlap.

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    AdornedWithCats  (08-04-2016)

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    Our first 3 were IVF so age gap discussions used to make me prickly as we had so little control over it. I don't care now as we have one 3.5, one under 2 and one 2.5 age gaps so I feel I've got a good mix.

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    AdornedWithCats  (08-04-2016)

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    Mine are 2.9 years apart. (Conceived on dd1's 2nd birthday lol). I had wanted a 3-3.5 year age gap so a little earlier than anticipated- whoopsie

    Pros- dd1 is old enough to help, old enough to understand I'm busy and also not old enough to be jealous or resentful. Dd1 absolutely adores her sister and is so proud to be a big sister. She's also not a runner and can walk happily along with a single stroller. She also happily sits in a trolley with dd2. I find our double stroller far to cumbersome, big and heavy so only used it a handful of times.
    We also don't need to worry about coordinating preschool drop offs and pick ups.
    I still also remember the baby stage quite well so I find that part easy.

    Cons- dd1 completely regressed with toilet training- though we are back on track now. Having 2 in nappies is easier when out as well- having to take dd1 to a public toilet with dd2 in tow is awkward and difficult.
    Also dd1 is dropping/doesn't need a nap (but I try and make her- if she does she goes to bed later and is up earlier). When your eldest is older you don't get that nice break from the pair when they both napping.
    Also my 3yo is a PITA. So much harder work than when she was 2. She's sneaky with grabbing snacks, asking for things when she knows I'm distracted. She is exhausting always asking questions and talking and singing (usually is very loud when trying to get dd2 to nap) and super active.


    Overall though I love my gap. I think I have the best of both worlds. I think (and hope) they'll be close but the gap was big enough to make it a little easier on me.

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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    We did IVF too and hoped for a 2 year gap and will have just shy of 3 years now. I see benefits and downfalls to both. Ultimately it wasn't up to us to decide, we are just lucky we are expecting our second at all.

    I think it depends more on personality than anything else. There's 11 years between me and my next sibling and we are thick as thieves, whereas there's two years between each of my brothers and they don't get along at all.

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    AdornedWithCats  (08-04-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Our first 3 were IVF so age gap discussions used to make me prickly as we had so little control over it. I don't care now as we have one 3.5, one under 2 and one 2.5 age gaps so I feel I've got a good mix.
    Yeah I get that. The ability to "plan" your family is totally foreign to me. No control over particular age gaps so it's not something I worry about. Def still interesting to find how parents go with certain gaps though.

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    3.5 years between our girls and its been brilliant. Dd1 was toilet trained and could grab stuff for me. She was old enough to understand to be gentle with her new sister. Was also great when I was pregnant & sick cause she understood mummy was sick and could grab her own food / drink etc.

    Now they are 5.5 and almost 2 and they play together really well. They adore each other and dd1 is sooo protective of her little sister.

    I don't know how people have them closer together!

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