I was thinking it sounded like an Aspergers trait but other things you have said in your posts don't tally. Still, that's the first thing I thought of especially as it's not something that is getting better with age.
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04-04-2016 19:48 #11
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04-04-2016 20:00 #12
Some kids/people just really have a low pain threshold.
Does he get lots of attention/reaction from his mother this way? Is she a bit of a worry wart?
The only thing I can suggest that might work is if he has had a 'major' injury that requires first aid or hospital. Then you can ask 'does hurt as much as when you xyz?' or 'how does the pain compare to when xyz?' It might start to give him a comparison point.
04-04-2016 20:31 #13
I did have a look at the sensory issue thing as I had read about that too, but nothing much else seems to fit. He doesn't seem to be in pain or having any strange issues with sensation, as he can forget about his 'injury' in a second if he joins in a game with another kid or something. He also doesn't appear to have any other Asperger's traits, but possibly might have a low pain threshold? But even so, the injuries are so incredibly minor half the time I can't even see anything when he tells me he has a scratch or something...
His mother does baby him a lot and he gets lots of indulgent attention and sooking from his mum over lots of minor things. For example he was allowed to stay home from his sports carnival because of a ten cent piece size bruise on his leg and in his sports if he takes a bit of a knock she makes a huge drama out of it and runs to him to hug him and loudly make a huge fuss in front of everyone... He might just be missing that babying type stuff from his mum as DH and I just don't indulge him in that way, and if that's the case then I guess he will grow out of it as I can't see him letting mum baby him on the sports field at 12 or 13
I guess I was thinking that if he is just being attention seeking then maybe we need to be a lot firmer with him?
04-04-2016 20:50 #14
My DD1 went through a phase of exaggerating an injury.
After it going on too long for my patience i tried a different angle.
Next time she showed me a tiny bruise or cut and told me how bad it was i said right lets google how long it takes a bruise or cut to heal.
She now doesnt bother so much with small knocks and scratches other than saying it takes blah blah days for a bruise to heal
04-04-2016 21:07 #15
Tips for dealing with DSS exaggerating minor injuries
First thing that sprang to mind was that maybe he was a hypercondriac.
Perhaps read a few of these:
Last edited by A-Squared; 04-04-2016 at 21:21.
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04-04-2016 22:03 #16
I don't think this is what you want to hear but I'm hoping you will consider my thoughts.......
I think you should stop minimizing his injuries. If he says that it is really bothering him then go with that. You say he is attention seeking. Think about that. He is trying to seek attention. Why not give it to him? He has a need that he wants you to meet. It may not make any sense to you but that's pretty normal. Kids sometimes try to send us messages in very odd ways. He is a little kid that has a lot going on in his life. He may not have experienced serious physical injury before so these things ARE the most serious or painful things in his life. When you think about indulging the attention seeking behavior consider this..... What is the worst that could happen? He could keep doing it???? Well you already said that its been going on for years so that wouldn't be any different.
OR he is seeking attention- you give it to him- he is reassured that you will give him sympathy when he hurts himself and the behavior might reduce.
Good luck with whatever you decide. X
04-04-2016 22:25 #17
Doesn't really sound that abnormal..my 10yrs DS has me looking at his miniscule bruises /scratch etc several times a day, until is gone. Kids look for attention and affirmation from their parents in all sorts of ways. I just have a cursory glance, say it looks like it's on the mend, tell him to grab an ice pack /bandaid if he wants to and move on. I've applied lots of likely unessesary antiseptic cream/dencorub/massage to "sore" body parts as well....kids Jyst like some one on one time I'm sure.
Not something I'd lose much sleep over TBH. Give him 5 secs of your time...it won't continue forever and then he'll be grown up and gone...
04-04-2016 22:27 #18
Tips for dealing with DSS exaggerating minor injuries
I agree with this post.
My eldest exaggerates injuries. But to her they are a BIG deal. In our family she's the eldest and never gets sick. She has a sister with a massive anxiety condition who is also a genius and incredibly talented at sport. So she gets attention. Lots of it.
Her brother is the only boy. He's incredibly easy and entertaining and everyone comments all the time how funny he is.
Then there's the 2 year old. And all 2 year olds get attention.
So she stubs her toe and it's the end of the world. I used to tell her it wasn't but she's very eloquent and told me TO HER it is the end of the world. I think she has a low pain threshold (removing band aids causes massive stress, if anyone else is sick or about to be sick she falls apart etc). She realises her response is over the top but now I indulge her and if she "needs" a bandage who cares? She can have one.
by making a little fuss she's actually toned it down as she knows she doesn't need to do much to get our attention.
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05-04-2016 04:28 #19
Thanks everyone for your responses, I appreciate the different directions of thought as it gives me some ideas on how to deal with him better.
@RedCreamingSoda I would say that when this started a few years ago we did indulge it a lot more and thought it was just a phase and as you say, it didn't hurt us to give him the attention he needed in this area, especially when he was younger. But because it hasn't passed, we have gotten less tolerant of it as he's grown up - we are very conscious not to invalidate his feelings or dismiss him, but we also don't make a big deal of it.
I'm probably just completely over-thinking it as I don't have kids of my own and my biggest worry was that if we do pander to this behaviour then we're setting him up for a life-time of thinking that he can exaggerate or fake stuff for attention. So I'm probably the anxious one wondering if I'm creating a monster by not being firmer around this stuff But as a few people have posted it is common and he must have some need that is not being met that he uses this for, so by the sounds of it I should just keep going with it as it's not going to harm him for us to continue to acknowledge what is true for him.
I like your suggestion @Albert01 about asking the direct questions of him and seeing if he has any answers - and if he doesn't, it might prompt some thinking about why he is bringing these things to our attention all the time. If I know him his response to those questions will be "I don't know", but we might use it as a starting point to explore his feelings a bit more. I recently bought some books on emotions so reading those together might also start helping him to identify what he is feeling and find out what his needs are.
I appreciate your responses, I want to do the right thing by him but wasn't sure how 'normal' this is and if I needed to do anything else. Thanks
Last edited by Summer; 05-04-2016 at 04:32.
05-04-2016 04:36 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
I don't actually think this behaviour is a big deal.
My DD is like this (she has anxiety FYI). If she shows me something, I respond to her factually and casually. I have read that you shouldn't tell them their feelings are wrong ie "oh come on it's not that bad". Their feelings are valid and have every right to have them, and have every right to come and tell their parent.
So for eg if DD comes and tells me she has just bumped her elbow, I will say "ooh I hate it when that happens, well I know it hurts now but the pain should start fading soon".
Or for a scratch that I already know about "oh how's that scratch going, it looks like it's healing well".
Just respond and move on. Easy fixed. All they want is some reassurance.
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