Easter weekend DH and I were enjoying a few drinks and a giggle and I asked him when he was booking in for the snip.
We have three children and we are certain we don't want any more.
He's been dragging his heels on this for over a year now so I ask him why he's so hesitant and tell him not to be worrying that something would go wrong, which was his excuse up until now.
He got a bit emotional (which is isn't like him at all) and said "well maybe I'm not ready to say that that's it for us."
I thought he was joking for a split second. He was deadly serious.
I lost all my words. I couldn't speak.
It's just not an option for me. I'm definitely done.
I have my hands full with three and no family support, and the biggest factor is I'm 42 this year. Nope! No way in hell.
And even if I was five years younger I still wouldn't want another one.
Things are only starting to get a bit easier and our baby is 14 months now.
I can't do it all over again.
I'm hoping it's just a wobble or midlife crisis. He's only 38 though, 40 is another 13 months away so it will be a long wobble if that's the case, and as much as I feel for him I just don't think it would be a good move for us.
I have just about clung to my sanity after the last baby, a beautiful little daughter after two beautiful boys.
That's just perfection there and every day I'm thankful for what I've got, I'm more than happy with my lot.
Usually it's women who want more kids and hubby says no isn't it.
I told my family and no one believed me which he's delighted with, thought that was hilarious all together, but their disbelief goes to show how out of character it is for him to be like this. I thought the next day he'd back down and say he was joking or with a sober head that he'd say he'd like one but knows we can't, but he hasn't and yesterday he even told friends we were having lunch with that he'd love another one.
I'm really, really shocked by this, he's the level headed one between us both.
I don't know? The effects of little girls on their daddies eh?
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Did you go ahead and have another baby for hubby even though you weren't that keen for various reason, health, finances etc, etc?
Or did you stand your ground and decide that it wouldn't be a great idea at all, and if so, how was your DH afterwards? Did it pass?
I'd love to hear if anyone's DH is like mine and is maybe wanting to have another before the window closes for good (I think he forgets I'm older than him). I know that's how I was at 39 and I gave myself one year to conceive and if it didn't happen that was it, I would have made peace with it. I wasn't going to push my luck and still be trying in my forties. I know a lot of people do these days but that was my decision and it worked out very well for us.
Now he's going through it and it makes me unhappy to think he's feeling like that because what do you do? I don't feel its right. If he could carry the child I'd go for it, haha, I just never, ever want to be pregnant again.
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04-04-2016 13:07 #1
DH dropped a bombshell on me.
04-04-2016 13:20 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
Hmmm... does he look after the kids, or do you? (Or are you both at work and have other support?)
If that was me, I'd go back to work for a bit, and get DH to take a career break and look after the kids full time. He would be put off for sure.
I think the important thing is not whether you have another child, but that you have both fully discussed it and genuinely considered each others' point of view. Otherwise it will be difficult for one of you to live with the choice and could cause problems down the track for your relationship. Given that he hasn't brought it up before, it sounds like he was nervous to be open about it, and won't push it so he might need some encouragement to talk it through. I guess what I'm saying is, there's nothing wrong with refusing another child, but say no with kindness.
Good luck - hope you can reach agreement with your DH!
04-04-2016 13:43 #3
I'm home full time with the kids.
He's pretty good and helpful when he's home but he does work long how's and every second weekend.
Nothing would stop him working, he loves his job, so any kind of break isn't on the cards.
Yeah, I'm hoping I'm coming across with kindness.
Maybe part of him knows already it's not going to happen so he's just having a little sook because ye know, I don't give him very much else to sulk about.
04-04-2016 13:51 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2016
Not quite the same... but I am almost 10w with #2. I would have happily stopped at one, but agreed to try for another because dh really really wanted to. It happened a lot quicker than I anticipated and its taken some getting used to. I know I will love and adore this baby when it comes but I am not particularly enjoying the pregnancy, and if I am being honest it gripes that the 'hard-work' and sacrifice sits squarely on my shoulders. I wouldn't recommend it.
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04-04-2016 14:07 #5
It is hard work.
It's not just the nine months of pregnancy, for me it's all away been two full years before I feel normal again.
I'm not even considering doing it and that's huge for me because I can be a bit of a hubby pleaser (I go along with most of his plans for this and that) but not this time.
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04-04-2016 14:09 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
Is it that he really wants another or is it more the thought of 'I won't have a choice'?
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04-04-2016 14:31 #7
A bit of both maybe?
My silence on the matter just made him talk more and he listed all the great things about our kids and how we could be just as lucky a 4th time round.
But it's also so out of character that it could just be a little bit of panic as that window closes for good.
We really haven't spoken any more than that on it, but to me it's huge.
04-04-2016 15:06 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
I can only imagine how shocked you are.
Maybe take a week or two to process. In that time yiu can always jot down your thoughts on why you do not want more kids etc etc (ask him to do the same for possibly wanting another) and then you can talk it out a bit more. Good luck.
04-04-2016 16:36 #9
Dh jokes about having a third but says he knows it's not practical bc we don't have family support nearby and both working. Reality is though that I don't think I would cope with another. And my dh isn't very hands on either so if he was serious about a 3rd my answer would still be a definite no.
04-04-2016 18:43 #10
Dh wanted another, I was done and told him so and my reasons. He respects that and mutually agree now, we are done.
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