40, single and ready.

[Elizabeth333]

Hello everyone, I'm here to gain wisdom, and share my journey of being single and becoming a mum at 40. I have no idea how this is all going to happen, only that I'm determined to make it happen. I know there are many wise women here who have walked the path and many who are currently embarking on the exact same journey. It's good to feel understood and supported, and I hope I can offer and receive both here. Love to hear from others who share in this experience.

[Mod-Wise Enough]

My advice: you don't have a minute to waste. Make that appointment ASAP. Don't do IUI, waste of time, straight to IVF using donor sperm. You have to do counselling etc which can take time. There's also police checks if you're in Victoria.

I've done it and it's amazing. Now have two beautiful girls. Good luck!

[GM9]

I have just turned 39 and about to start IVF with donor sperm as well. Skipping IUI for a couple of reasons, but just know it can take a few months to get all going. Good luck and looking forward to hearing more of your story!

[Drugstore Perfume]

Hi Elizabeth,

I just wrote my first post and saw your intro post, we sound like we are in similar situations. If you have any questions about what I did to prepare for TTC as a single parent with donor sperm please feel free to inundate me!

I wanted to let you know that although as the other two posters have suggested it is best to go straight to IVF at our advanced age (!) due to the odds being so much better as opposed to IUI, I found out that I couldn't claim through Medicare due to being 'socially infertile' rather than medically infertile although I know this does depend on what the fertility specialist is prepared to write in their recommendation, it is a very subjective system. If the procedures I had failed the first few times then my doctor could pronounce me medically infertile but she wouldn't do it for the first 3 rounds. If I could have I would have gone straight to IVF with ICSI as was recommended to me but without the rebate it was a huge expense - as it is I wasn't able to claim for the IUI. I have spent about $12,000 so far on this baby project which paid for the sperm, transport, storage, doctor's fees, IUI procedure, etc. I did go through Genea who I think are the most expensive clinic in Sydney (possibly Australia giving the exorbitant fees they charge!) but unfortunately options are a bit limited if you are using overseas donor sperm as a lot of the less expensive clinics don't provide that service. If you have a friend who is prepared to provide sperm it's easy as - can use any clinic just as a traditional male/female couple would do. Anyway, just something for you to think about because this is an expensive process.

I've also made the bold assumption that you would be using donor sperm through a clinic and I apologise if that is not the case! I originally was using a friend's sperm and did briefly consider seeking a donor online and trying the turkey baster approach but there are a lot of legal and medical ramifications involved with that - they could seek joint custody; you would need to illegally lie on the birth certificate about the father being unknown; you don't have any guarantee about their health or how many other children they have parented.

[Mod-Wise Enough]

Hi Elizabeth,

I just wrote my first post and saw your intro post, we sound like we are in similar situations. If you have any questions about what I did to prepare for TTC as a single parent with donor sperm please feel free to inundate me!

I wanted to let you know that although as the other two posters have suggested it is best to go straight to IVF at our advanced age (!) due to the odds being so much better as opposed to IUI, I found out that I couldn't claim through Medicare due to being 'socially infertile' rather than medically infertile although I know this does depend on what the fertility specialist is prepared to write in their recommendation, it is a very subjective system. If the procedures I had failed the first few times then my doctor could pronounce me medically infertile but she wouldn't do it for the first 3 rounds. If I could have I would have gone straight to IVF with ICSI as was recommended to me but without the rebate it was a huge expense - as it is I wasn't able to claim for the IUI. I have spent about $12,000 so far on this baby project which paid for the sperm, transport, storage, doctor's fees, IUI procedure, etc. I did go through Genea who I think are the most expensive clinic in Sydney (possibly Australia giving the exorbitant fees they charge!) but unfortunately options are a bit limited if you are using overseas donor sperm as a lot of the less expensive clinics don't provide that service. If you have a friend who is prepared to provide sperm it's easy as - can use any clinic just as a traditional male/female couple would do. Anyway, just something for you to think about because this is an expensive process.

I've also made the bold assumption that you would be using donor sperm through a clinic and I apologise if that is not the case! I originally was using a friend's sperm and did briefly consider seeking a donor online and trying the turkey baster approach but there are a lot of legal and medical ramifications involved with that - they could seek joint custody; you would need to illegally lie on the birth certificate about the father being unknown; you don't have any guarantee about their health or how many other children they have parented.

There's a 6 month quarantine of known donor sperm. Given the limit on time I would recommend unknown donor.

[Drugstore Perfume]

The legal requirement is 3 months and then it depends on the policy of the clinic you use if they extend that timeframe. For instance Genea quarantine for 4 months but IVF Australia stick to the 3 month minimum.

[Drugstore Perfume]

With regards to how long it might take before you would be able to have your first procedure (if you were wanting to do this ASAP), I had my first appointment with the fertility specialist on 31 October 2015 and had the IUI on the 6 February 2016. This was pretty quick but I had been ovulation tracking since December 2014 so the doctor already had that to work with and I actually could have had the IUI done earlier but I wanted to give it until the end of the year to see if I could conceive and hold a pregnancy naturally. You can push things through quickly once you decide what avenue you want to pursue.

[Elizabeth333]

Thanks everyone!! I'm going to read through all your information, will respond in good time.

[Mod-Wise Enough]

The legal requirement is 3 months and then it depends on the policy of the clinic you use if they extend that timeframe. For instance Genea quarantine for 4 months but IVF Australia stick to the 3 month minimum.

I didn't realise it was possible to have a shorter quarantine time. I was like a couple of days short of 6 months and they acted like it was a big deal. That was in qld.

[Mod-Wise Enough]

What state are you in Elizabeth?