Unfortunately I don't have children yet but I have 9 nieces & nephews that range in age from 9 - 24. Because we're the youngest uncle & auntie in the family, they see us as the "cool" ones which means they let me (via FB & Instagram) see a hell of a lot more than what their parents see. It scares the hell out of me. We've had to have conversations with my sisters in law about what their kids were posting (young teenage girls in their underwear on public Insta) and also with the kids about perception by their school peers and also future things like employment.
OP I feel for you as this whole concept scares me for what it will be like when (hopefully) my children reach an age to be involved in this. My two SIL had no idea what the kids were posting, didn't know enough about how to access the media they were using, you sound like you have a good relationship with your DD & it's great that you have access to what she's doing.
We know of someone who applied to be a police officer, in the interview, the police HR pulled out a stack of printed old Facebook posts and Twitter/Instagram likes and pointed out to the applicant highlighted items that they thought were inappropriate for someone applying for that type of job. Needless to say, the application didn't go any further.
This whole area is such a minefield. I think you have to go with your gut, if you feel that they are inappropriate then I think you need to ask her to remove them like you have, but at the same time keep the lines of communication open and explain why. After all you know your daughter, we don't. Do you have someone else trusted that could talk to her supporting what you're saying? We did have some luck talking to our nieces and nephews because we weren't their mum and dad and we're closer to their age so when they were hearing it from someone other than their parents they tended to listen a bit more. Good luck OP!
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28-03-2016 10:28 #41
28-03-2016 10:40 #42Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
I wouldn't be happy with that photo, no matter how innocent it actually is, but based on how it looks (and therefore could look if future employees etc. found it). I drum it in to my kids all the time that anything they post on the internet is there forever and can be found for the rest of their lives, but I'm not sure they have the maturity and deep enough understanding to realise the full extent of what this actually means.
Also curious if anyone has a tween who uses Kuddle? It's one that I could consider if my tween was really pushing the social media issue. Thankfully, there's enough other parents saying no that it hasn't become a big issue yet.
28-03-2016 10:49 #43
Unfortunately that photo is the new norm. I have a 13 year old DD and I am at a loss. I do the best I can but I only have so much control. DDs school use iPads and computers instead of books. They have these stupid iPads attached to them. The school hands them over then wipes their hands of any consequences and blames the parents if something goes wrong. The apps they have now don't even show up on history. These kids are so smart they will find a way around everything. The school blabs on and on about not allowing this or blocking that and they act stupid when the fully know that these kids can get around this stuff. Given them 5 minutes and an Internet connection.
Why can't the teach our kids like they did us from freakin books! Like you know for hundreds of years. they don't need iPads to learn. A computer in the lounge room is sufficent.
I see 12 year olds taking selfies half naked. Pages upon pages of hate sites on Insta, Facebook. The bullying is out if control.
I have no advice just venting. I do make my DD delete photos I'm not comfortable with and she is sensible but I swear one more duck face selfie and I'm going to lose it. She told me she just wants to fit in I said with who ducks.
28-03-2016 12:21 #44Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
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28-03-2016 12:58 #45
As for removing phones/ipads etc, it's not possible...all their school work is done on an Ipad, all their school texts are electronic..they use devices all day at school, at recess and lunch and do their homework on them. She has a phone as she uses public transport to get to school. I believe just outright banning something is just going to result in sneakiness. I would rather be open and teach her to be accountable on using SM and the Internet appropriately
28-03-2016 13:03 #46
I think the photo is sexual and wrong for a 13yo. I am 25. I would send something like that to my husband
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28-03-2016 13:04 #47
Her picture screams 'the unknown' to me... What's underneath guys... Don't you want to know? And young guys would!!! I hope her account is private with FRIENDS only 😱😱
28-03-2016 13:16 #48-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Social media and teens
I agree a person shouldn't be **** shamed for what they are wearing. At the same time we shouldn't put our head in the sand as to hormones and physical feelings playing at least some part in teenagers posting such photos of themselves in leotards online. Your child wasn't in a gym doing a cartwheel - she was manicured and standing in front of a mirror.
As for teaching kids to use social media responsibly - I see your point. That being said we differ on that point. I think the risk of unretractable damage is so high that the Internet is not an appropriate test bed for teaching kids responsibility. I'm a believer that kids have to have a certain level of demonstrated maturity and life experience prior to being given free reign on social media.
As for the school learning being screen based - fair point. However there's nothing from stopping you putting software on devices to ensure social media isn't accessed. Or getting your daughter a phone that isn't a smart phone/doesn't have social media.
28-03-2016 13:27 #49
I just see this as a slippery slope. Yes this might be tame compared to the overtly and definitely sexual photos. But what happens when she starts getting comments from male friends about how 'hot' she looks or any other such comment. She starts to see 'what guys like' and pushes it a little further, which gets her more attention and so pushes it further again.... You catch my drift.
This isn't about trying to change perceptions about women who dress provocatively are sluts (note I say perception). It's about the practical realities, it's all about how she will be perceived (rightly or wrongly) by potential employees and unfortunately potential predators (not just paedo's but boys her own age or slightly older who don't know how to treat women with respect.
I don't see it as any different from a teenage boy who works out and plays Aussie rules and has a muscular physique who may post a photo of himself in his jox and maybe have a bit of oil on him because he thought it would be fun. There are all kinds of provocative images and they aren't just limited to teenage girls.
OP I hope some of the resources posted helps you through this all. I'm really not looking forward to this time myself!
Just a question, her nails, are they real or false?
28-03-2016 13:30 #50
With regard to the school and screen based learning - there are many things the school can do to stop access to social media and similar during school hours. The quickest and easiest is installing firewalls on their wifi.
If I was you I would be raising some serious concerns with the school over the ability of children to access these sites and apps on equipment that is meant to be used for learning.
On another note my DH who works in a relevant area has suggested the below website:
Your daughter's school can request they attend.
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