We're pretty tough on our DD at night - always have been. She's 3.5, and for the past year she's known that we're absolutely serious that nighttime is for sleeping unless there's a damned good reason for getting up.
I always explain that there are some things in this household that are non-negotiable, and one is that we MUST respect other peoples' need for sleep/rest. So for example, is is not okay to stand outside the room where your brother's sleeping and scream...nor is it okay to decide you're up for the day and playing at 6am. In bed, quiet, until 7am (barring toilet, sick, nightmare etc.).
All kids and all families are different though...what works for us doesn't necessarily work for you. Hope it's going okay tonight!
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27-03-2016 21:41 #21
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28-03-2016 07:09 #22
Last night I put DD back to bed 3 times. She stayed on her bed for 20 minutes then came out. Each time I put her back she calmed down but screamed blue murder each time I left. So I ended up just leaving her to cry and she fell asleep in her doorway.
I put her into bed then didn't hear boo until 6:45!
Though she has had nights she's slept through, so I've just got to get her used to going to bed alone again.
No kind of discipline keeps her in bed until 7 (tried the rewards chart, taking away things like iPad, cartoons on TV and q few other things), so if I can get her sleeping alone and all night, I can deal with a 6am or after wake up. (I think!)
Also need to get her happy for DH to put her down too. He can try on Tuesday night while I'm at TAFE. At least if she goes down ok tonight, tomorrow night she should still go down without me. Well that's the plan anyway! But I'm still expecting rough nights, if I don't I'll get upset that she's not gone back to falling asleep alone again.
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28-03-2016 19:29 #23Senior Member
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- Mar 2015
Hey - how is tonight going?
28-03-2016 20:04 #24
28-03-2016 20:56 #25
So we have just cleaned up a poopy explosion which she chose to smear all over her change table, wall and door.
Then the storm hit! Currently nothing coming from her. Fingers are all crossed!!!
28-03-2016 20:58 #26Senior Member
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- Mar 2015
28-03-2016 21:20 #27
@A-Squared I still stay with my 5 year old to help him sleep so I'm not the best for advice on that part of the whole sleep process. They do grow out of it. My 10 year old and 7 year old needed either DH or I to help them sleep for years but not anymore. as they got older it did get easier.
My eldest held out the longest. One friend suggested for some kids 5 call outs be allowed. So if you have a kid who constantly calls out once in bed you tell them they get 5 and then no more. After 5 you will not respond and if you have to and it's not urgent they get a strike. 3 strikes and they lose a privilege.
My eldest got to 2 strikes and never again. She was better after 2 nights.
We're incredibly hopeless though with the whole going to bed thing. We stay with them for ages til they get to around 6 and if needs be pop in and out until they're asleep. I guess I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as I now have 2 who are relatively easy.
28-03-2016 21:41 #28
I've already told her if she comes out again she won't get to use my iPad for an entire week. Didn't stop the tantrum but she's not come out yet.
I think we owed it to ourselves to try and see what happens. It was similar with DS and night weaning him. I was so worried it wouldn't happen very easily, if at all so I put it off until I couldn't deal with the night waking, then we bit the bullet and he was night weaned on the first night after 2 hours of cuddles while he cried, then for a few nights after that, more cuddles at wake ups and sleeping through really soon after that. It was so easy and I was a new person and much more patient mother.
So I'm hoping this will work soon enough and if not, might pare back on it a little and try a different tact.
28-03-2016 21:45 #29
8yo DD would happily have us stay with her to fall to sleep, but neither of us are happy with that so we have always actively managed her clingy phases.
I'm VERY feed/cuddle/etc to sleep when they are under 1. After that I get tougher and tougher.
Firstly, both my kids need a lamp (not just a night light) on to fall asleep. DD started wanting her door open at night from around 3.5-4yo despite always having it shut up until then.
Around 2.5-3 DD went through a midnight bed-hopping stage (after consistently sleeping through from 8w!). It started as she was getting sick a lot before she got her tonsils out. It was ruining me so we did a sticker chart and it focused on just one thing "I slept in my own bed all night". A 'row' was 5 nights, with a prize at the end plus a big prize (eg. Trip to the zoo) for a whole page. After about 1.5 pages it was her new habit. Then the sticker chart focused on the next behavior.
For bedtime, I use the same technique as PP mentioned. Eg. Mummy needs to go stack the dishwasher, I will be back in 4 minutes. Then come back, head off for next activity and return etc. So long as she knew I would come back she was happy and after a few weeks I'd come in to check in and she would say "I'm going to sleep now mum but can you still come back?". Even now at 8 she still likes it when I reassure her that I come back in to check on her. (I have to - lamp mentioned above needs to get turned off!!!).
When DH puts her to bed she almost always asks that I can come give her a kiss too, but thankfully she's mostly been happy for him to do book etc.
Last edited by Stretched; 28-03-2016 at 21:47.
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28-03-2016 21:48 #30
You know your kids better than anyone so please don't take this as criticism because it's not. It's just my thoughts after 4 kids.
We create their sleep environment. We do things that help them go to sleep. The problem I have with settling older kids is it takes them longer and longer to go to sleep. When I first started staying with my son he would fall asleep in a few minutes. Now it can take half an hour. So I have to plan my night around that. And some nights it just ----- me off no end. Other nights I don't mind.
My daughter who is 2 currently takes a few minutes of settling. In a year or so it will be longer. I feel like I've spent about 1000000000 hours settling my kids since my eldest was born over 10 years ago.
But this is all on DH and me. So if we want to change it we have to do it slowly. I imagine if I had a friend drop around every morning for coffee at 10 am. Every day for 2 years. Then suddenly she stopped coming and just told me no she wasn't coming any more. I'd be confused and devastated as I'd come to rely on that.
I try and imagine that's how my older kids feel too.
Anyway I'm rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is it may take her longer to adjust as she's had you for longer. And that's ok you're not failing at it if it does.
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