Evening ladies. Soon to head to my Sunday night yoga which is always lovely but today has been a really hard day. The sadness has hit me with a full blow and the overwhelming feeling is back. I'm starting to really stress about my surgery on Tuesday and cycle. Failure looms big again. The impending baby shower of my brothers partner is enough to make me crumble in a heap. My own mother now is like talking to a stranger and the sadness at the loss of the richness of that relationship is almost too much to bear. I'm feeling like it's just all too hard at the moment. Breathe.........
Results 671 to 680 of 967
10-04-2016 16:51 #671
10-04-2016 17:10 #672
Sorry your feeling so down, same way myself at the moment after my cousins announcement of "accidental" (yeah right) pregnancy. I am due to go on holiday soon but it's with my mum and my cousins parents so now I'll just hear about her baby or questions as to why I disappeared after the announcement will arise, now my mum has started saying that firstly maybe I should just start telling people I'm doing IVF ( um hell no) or that she wants me to stop doing it because I'm getting too upset, so now I don't want to talk to her at all about it. I'm sure all of us on her have our down times and our really down times so take some small comfort that you are not alone X
10-04-2016 17:27 #673
MissDa it means a lot to hear from others experiencing similar things. I've also got a cousin due the same time as my brothers so both my mother and her sister are becoming grandmothers for the first time. Of course they are super excited and I'm like hmph grandparent that's another thing that won't happen to me.
10-04-2016 17:38 #674
aww @Caesardust sorry to hear you are so down. Its really hard when people around you are having babies and it always seems like you're the only one going through this, I know that feeling well, Im sure we all do.
If you cant handle the shower then don't go or just stay for a bit and then make up something you have to do. Otherwise just call in sick, thats what I do when I cant do it. Fruck it, they're all doing what they want, look after yourself and do what you want. Its too hard sometimes to put on the happy face. Ive missed many gatherings of my friends whom all have kids and think xmas is a really happy time, well its not for me so I don't go. I don't think its ever occurred to anyone that those times are hard for people going through this. People just do not understand how hard this is. End of story. They may think they do but honestly unless you have been here you have no bloody clue.
Yoga sounds ideal right now. Try and focus on your next steps and don't think too far ahead, as things can seem unsurmountable when you do that. And then buy yourself a treat on the way home and indulge in something yummy. Those salted caramel connoisseur ice creams are pretty damn nice!!!
@MissDa just make up some excuse, lie, do whatever you have to. Again they don't understand and Im sure your mum just doesnt know how to help you. Mine thinks I should keep trying and trying, but she's only being kind and being positive that it can happen for me. I guess its hard for them too as they don't want to see their child go through this. big hugs too
10-04-2016 18:06 #675
I really wish people understood just how crushing this journey was. Maybe then instead of having to steel ourselves to what others do and say we would be shown their empathy and support. It would certainly make life a little easier.
I have an RC mother in law who thinks IVF is totally wrong. We have never told her anything about our IVF decision. Luckily her own mother had a child in her 40's so she thinks ours is au naturelle.
I wonder how she would respond if she had been in my shoes. If she had married late, then had a husband who got sick and spent 2 years having treatment. To see the same specialist who had been so positive about natural chances now shake his head. Or to know that you will never have a child if you don't go through IVF. Then to discover that IVF is no guarantee but is instead (as someone here so eloquently stated) a sickening cycle of hope and grief.
I am so sorry @CAEserdust and @MissDa for what you're going through. The universe owes you big time. Are you listening universe! We need BFP's here stat! And give some people some compassion while you're at it!
Last edited by faithandhopellove; 10-04-2016 at 18:12.
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10-04-2016 18:27 #676
Love it @Charlie74 !!! You go girl! have one for me..
Its funny how different options you were once never open to slowly become ok, I think it just takes time as you say. There are so many kids who could thrive with a loving healthy home and its so sad that a lot of those roads are so hard for people to access.
Enjoy the cosmo and put your feet up!! Thats a shizload of work you've been doing!
10-04-2016 18:46 #677
@Charlie74 fostering was high on my plan B list but DH said no. I am still harbouring a little hope that he will change his mind. It's been something I have been thinking about since my single days.
All over DH is pretty good though. So far his only definitive no's have been DE in SA (he has a friend who emigrated from there and has been filling his head with horror stories) and fostering.
I like the look of that cosmopolitan. Have one for me too.
10-04-2016 20:04 #678Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
We would also like to do fostering down the track. We looked at adoption but i think we would be too old and needed to have stopped ivf.
10-04-2016 20:42 #679
IVF over 40 #29
It must be the night for it @Caesardust we were out to dinner with DHs family & all the talk was about his cousin who is pregnant & today they found out they're having a girl & they were all so excited & enthusiastic & I'm just sitting there wondering if it will ever, ever be me...
And we've had a huge day with DH in intense discussions with his ex about finally finishing this custody thing. I don't think anyone has ever acknowledged how hard it is for me to stand with my DH & fight for his child with another woman. How much it hurts to have month after month of discussion about their relationship, their child, his involvement when DSS was a baby & on & on & on. Of course I support DH in seeing more of his son & I am creating a happy family, but not once has anyone ever said, good on you for being so supportive Summer, especially when it must break your heart every day to be so involved with a child that is DHs with another woman while you haven't been able to have a baby with him. I feel like my role in this is not recognized by anyone other than my DH who is really great about it, but everyone just seems to expect that I'm ok when some days it is hard to hold it all together...
Hugs everyone xxxx
Last edited by Summer; 10-04-2016 at 20:52.
10-04-2016 21:01 #680
Charlie74. It had me in ridiculous tears but in a good way. Although I feel like a monster for the way I feel about my family at the moment and the jealousy that is so rife in me for all of them I do know they love me. I'm so desperate to have that happiness they have but I also feel like such an outsider, like I have a terrible disease that I just can't hide. My mum now is focusing on her, her son, his partner and a soon to be grandchild which of course is a more desirable focus than an infertile, angry and sad daughter. I guess I'd choose that too. It's the easier and nicer place to be and she's obviously tired from this journey. I know how she feels!
It must have been so sad to have that argument with your mum but I guess patience frays and focus changes. It's not a pleasant choice for them to make but supporting a daughter through ivf would be really hard I guess.
But at the end of the day the mothers who become grandmothers and the brothers that become fathers and the fathers who become grandfathers will never understand what it's like to never have a child and how alone and isolated it makes you feel. Families, even your own, are a reminder of what you'll never potentially have.
But now, instead of continuing to work myself into despair, im going to try to breathe and focus on Tuesday as you have suggested. One day at a time.
Quick question. The hospital docs say you can't wear nail polish. Stupid me went and had sns nails (like shellac) done on Tuesday. Do you think I will have to get the polish removed?
And thank you to all of you lovely ladies tonight. Thank god you're here xx
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