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  1. #1
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    Default Raising good people

    I often wonder whether or not my now 3 year old and almost 1 year old boys will turn out to be good people as adults.. I'm sure most of you do the same

    In my opinion the best way to instill certain qualities in your kids is to lead by example. But It can be really hard to always 'be' all the great qualities you'd love to see in your kids.

    What are your thoughts on making sure your kids turn out to be decent adults? Are there certain qualities that you hope your kids will have as adults?

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    It's a good question and one I've wondered about myself. I read somewhere that our goal shouldn't be to raise good children - it should be to raise good adults.

    I would like to raise my two boys to be empathetic, kind and generous, broad-minded and inclusive, rational and critical thinkers with a strong environmental and social conscience. I'd like them to be confident and striving to achieve, but doing so in a way that is respectful and fair to others.

    They're only 2 1/2 and 7 months old, but I already worry that they're probably learning some grumpiness and cynicism from DH and myself! We could definitely step up our game with role-modelling. I'm still not sure though where the right balance sits between being authoritarian versus giving them too much autonomy, and between being mummy crankypants versus acknowledging and validating all their feelings and behaviour.

    Interested to hear if anyone has any words wisdom...
    Last edited by Gentoo; 13-03-2016 at 18:03.

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    Default Raising good people

    Subbing... Great topic!

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    Subbing

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    I don't have all the answers but I have an almost 21 year old who I think is a good man.

    One of the biggest things for me was recognising I'm not perfect so there was no way I could be a perfect role model 100% of the time. I think it's important for parents to acknowledge mistakes, take ownership of them and and apologise.

    I'm also in the camp that you can't demand respect it must be earned. I'm not just talking about my children earning my respect I'm talking about me earning theirs too.

    Lots more obviously lol but what I thought of first up.

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    SSecret Squirrel  (13-03-2016)

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    In my opinion there is really no formula as such. Just do your best and admit when your wrong and get up again if you fall. Lead by example of both what to do and what not to do.

    I am very proud of my adult daughter. She is good people iykim.
    My teenager son is looking that way too. My tens dds already dhow signs that they will be too. Eg standing up for others when they feel they have been wronged etc.. being volunteers for things they believe in.

    My 2 little are a bit little yet to say but assume they will follow the others.

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    binnielici  (14-03-2016)

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    I definitely think you're right about role modelling. It's also worth acknowledging that we all have traits that we feel we ought to work on, so undoubtedly - no matter how wonderful our parenting - our kids will too. They also may not value the same things that we do.

    Personally, I hope that my kids will do their best to act respectfully towards people, think critically and value the contributions they can make to others rather than what others can do for them.

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    I want my 2 little girls to be heaps of things, but if I really had to pick the most important, I just want them to be:

    1. Deeply self aware, so they really know themselves and are able to find their little niche in the world. If they can do that, then I think they'll be happy and contributing to the world around them. Also, self awareness means that they can decide the qualities they need to develop in order to be a good person. Only they can decide what their values are and whether they are truly living according to those.
    2. Really genuinely ok about who they are. Because I think deep acceptance of yourself (and the understanding required to get there) really helps us to accept other people and with this comes things like empathy, kindness etc.

    I think if they understand and accept themselves, and can live with their own strengths and limitations, then I don't have to worry so much about specifically building every single trait and belief that I think makes a good person. Ultimately, I don't really want to put pressure on them to be anything except what they are. As I see it, my job is just to help them work out who that is.

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    Empathy is a big one for me. I always try to get my kids to understand how it feels if you hurt someone's feelings, and that their actions will always have consequences, even if not for them.

    - will my actions hurt me?
    - will it hurt someone else?
    - will I break something?

    The oldest is 6 so that's as much as they can probably comprehend for now.

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    Default Raising good people

    This is something I often think about.

    DH and I tonight watched the first Ep in a Foxtel series "secret lives of 4 year olds". It covers a group of pre schoolers in a daycare/kinder setting with trained educators guiding them, and child psychologists studying and then making observations on certain behaviours and traits. Interestingly it's not always the 'obvious' things that point to children being good or empathetic or successful or resilient (or whatever you want them to be) later in life. An example was this boy who was displaying bullying type behaviour and was just a naughty kid, but actually by the end of the program he had quickly learnt that this wasn't getting him very far and was a pretty intelligent kid who cared about his peers etc.

    Really interesting, I'd encourage you to have a look if you can.


 

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