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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2016

    Default Advice needed - doubts after ttc normal?

    Last night after a few drinks, my partner and I tried to conceive for the first time. Since then I have been having doubts. I really want to have a baby and time is running out (I'm 26 now) but I am worried about finances and my job ( I am not yet eligible for paid maternity leave at my new job)
    Is having doubts normal? Or is it a sign that maybe I should reconsider?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    It's a really big decision that does change your life, so if you're having second thoughts, don't be too worried about putting your plans on hold for a bit. (Remember you can always decide to try again in 6 months if you decide you're ready!)

    It might feel like you're running out of time, but is that really true? According to the most recent census, the most common age for having kids is 30-34 for women. Assuming you're both healthy, running out of time shouldn't be a deciding factor for you just yet.....

    You mention your job, and I know from my experience in HR that 25 - 30 can be make or break years for a career. It's often when people really get good at what they're doing and step up to the next level (if that's what they want to do). Being well established in your career isn't absolutely necessary, but it does give you more options if you want to go back to work after the baby is born. Being financially stable also removes one worry when the baby comes and I think that's better for the baby.

    So listen to your intuition. You may end up deciding to go ahead anyway, but just explore your concerns fully before going ahead. You can always decided to go ahead later, but once the baby is here, there's no looking back!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    Default Advice needed - doubts after ttc normal?

    Op: in your case it's probably a sign that you need to think a few more things through first. Take a deep breath, grab a coffee and relax. No need to rush. Unless you have medical issues then time is not running out. You're only 26.

    Maybe it's best to chat about ttc with hubby and come to a decision when you're sober?. Work out the financials first (how you are going to afford may leave, provide a child with a financially secure future etc). Kids are stressful enough without having financial doom and gloom knocking on your door at the same time.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by VicPark; 13-03-2016 at 15:53.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think it's normal. Even after trying for 4 years and finally getting a BFP I had doubts, nothing to do with not being ready or wanting it etc, just a normal reaction to the unknown ahead I think. The fact you're having some doubts at least shows how mature and thoughtful you are in your decision to have a child, which is great! Good luck with whatever you decide. Having a baby is an amazing experience and you'll probably find that you worried yourself over nothing!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Unless That was a typo and you meant 36, not 26 then time is not even a factor.

    However this realky is a decision to make when you are both sober. I've made many wild amazing plans after a glass or three thst definitely never seemed quite so 'right' in the cold light of day.

    Try having the conversation again to go through your doubts in detail. Most of all, be 100% honest with yourself. I find a journal helps me in times like this.


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