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  1. #1
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    Default Pregnancy after stillbirth

    Hi Ladies,

    Our son was stillborn last year at 24weeks. We're still waiting for the full autopsy report, but so far it's looking like complications with his umbilical cord.

    I am now 9 weeks pregnant.

    I've been up and down, but the last week has a struggle...So much anxiety and worry!

    Any tips on how to get through a pregnancy after having a stillborn?

  2. #2
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    Hi,

    Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little man. No advice unfortunately as I am currently in the same position. I lost my daughter at 38+2 in July 2014 due to a cord accident, it was wrapped very tightly around her neck and also had a true knot.

    I am currently almost 15 weeks with my third child. I can totally relate to the anxiety and worry, sadly I don't think it will change much until we have a screaming baby in our arms

    So far the only thing that is really working for me is for the most part ignoring the pregnancy. I'm taking my vitamins, eating well and exercising but trying not to invest too much thought into the possibility of having a baby to take home in a few months time as awful as that probably sounds. Unfortunately, trying to consciously avoid thinking about things just means I tend to do most of my stressing and worrying at night and have very limited sleep.

    I'm not sure where you are located, but my local SIDS and Kids runs a Pregnancy After Loss group which I have found a great support. Unfortunately it has been just me so far but having a chance to catch up and get some of my fears and worries out to a counselor who has been in my position is such a huge relief. Alternatively, I think there are other groups (maybe SANDS or Bears of Hope) which offer similar groups around Australia which you might find offers a little comfort chatting to other mums who 'get it'.

    Are you going to have regular monitoring during this pregnancy? I think finding a healthcare provider who understands the anxiety which bereaved mothers face and who are accommodating with extra scans etc is also hugely important. I am seeing my midwife fortnightly and the OB monthly which although somewhat comforting also provides extra opportunities for panic before and during each scan.

    Anyway, sorry I don't really have any useful advice but I just wanted to say you are not alone and I hope some other ladies can offer some practical advice. I could sure use it too!

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tainted For This Useful Post:

    Barca07  (11-03-2016),francesthecat  (11-03-2016)

  4. #3
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    I'm so sorry for your loss 😓
    take it one day at a time, try to see a counsellor if you can( it helped me enormously).
    You'll have good days and bad days, and the anxiety towards the end is horrendous, so much so I ended up on bed rest in hospital 😱but...this too shall pass, and it'll all have been worth it when you get to hold your baby safely in your arms xxx

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    Barca07  (11-03-2016),francesthecat  (11-03-2016)

  6. #4
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    Hi Barca,

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your baby boy.

    As it has been said by other posters, I went to counselling right through my recent pregnancy.
    My whole mantra was, not looking to the final part. Im just looking at this week, no more than just this week.
    It helped keep me on a target, but I looked to far ahead it became to much.


    Plus the help of a very good OB who understands what you have been through and can give you extra scans and appointments.

    Ive also kept up with the counselling as well, it has been a huge help to keep working through my grief and sadness.

    Best wishes xx

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    Barca07  (11-03-2016)

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    @Tainted

    Sorry about you loss.

    Your advice was helpful.

    I've been trying to ignore the fact I'm pregnant, which was working but has gotten the better of me this last week.

    I'll look into seeing a counsellor. Bears of hope have been a great support with the loss, so I'll contact them.

    I'm classified as high risk (I have a Unicornuate uterus), so was seeing my OB every 4 weeks with my last pregnancy, but I do like the idea of midwife checks every fortnight.

    It's going to be a looonng 7 months!

    Congratulations on your pregnancy.

    We haven't told too many yet, as I can't face pretending to be exciting.
    (as bad as that sounds)

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    @SJG @francesthecat

    Thanks for the advice. I will definitely look into counselling.

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    Are you seeing the same OB this time? Hopefully he will be very understanding and will be able to fit you in for scans if your anxiety is getting the better of you.

    Do you have a Fetal Medicine Unit or similar at your local hospital? I'm going through the FMU this pregnancy, they have specialized midwives and you see one of two all throughout your pregnancy, rather than seeing someone different at each appointment.

    I know what you mean about not really wanting to announce, I feel like most of the joys of pregnancy are now just an added burden. The only people who knew were DP, my sister and counselor until after my 14 week appointment on Monday. To be honest its pretty obvious and my parents had already guessed, but DP and I wanted to tell our son before anyone else. He is so excited which is both lovely and terrifying, I cannot possibly break his heart again.

    I think Frances is right, one week at a time and small milestones.

    I hope you manage to find a counselor who you click with.

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  12. #9
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    My OB was fantastic, but he is taking some time out from OB'ing when I'm due, so he can't take me on. He has found me a new OB, who I'm meeting on Monday.

    I think that has contributed to some of the anxiety...I had a good relationship with my OB, so not looking forward to starting with a new one.

    I've never heard of a FMU. Is that at you local private or public hospital? What do they do? I'll ask on Monday. I think this clinic has an in house midwife. I'm going to ask her for fortnightly scans. I've even considered hiring a Doppler for the pregnancy, but I think that'll make the anxiety worse!!

    Very cute that you DS is excited! How old is he? It must have been hard telling him that his sister had passed.

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    So sorry to hear about your first baby and congratulations for this new pregnancy.
    Our first was a stillbirth at 20weeks after tests it looked like an issue with the placenta.
    We now have 2 healthy toddlers.
    I was told the issue we had with our first was likely never to repeat itself but I guess as you'd know the ifs and buts were never far from my mind.
    In the first trimesters I just try to keep busy and not think about it too much, just kept telling myself to enjoy the moment and if something goes wrong I'd deal with it then.
    Second trimester was easier as we got a Doppler and I was checking when ever I felt the need, it was very reassuring and so convenient not having to rush in to the doc everytime id get a thought or feeling something was wrong.
    Just take it one day at a time


 

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