The duration sounds about right to me- my dad played soccer when we were young and was gone up to 15 hours a week, on top of a 55 hour work week.
Then he became a coach and was gone up to 25 hours a week on top of a 55 hour work week.
It drove mum nuts. He took a year off it- both playing and coaching- and was so miserable and grumpy that mum forced him to go back.
ETA: mine doesn't play thank god- as the kids' sports take up more time that his would lol
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11-03-2016 11:20 #31
Last edited by DT75; 11-03-2016 at 11:24.
11-03-2016 12:28 #32
2 nights training is normal. I also hate AFL but after 11 years with my sport-mad DH I now understand it.
It is unfortunate and links in with the 'equality' discussion in another thread, but traditional male social recreation happens out of the home and takes many hours (cricket, fishing, golf etc). Women's traditional recreational activities have, IMO have been borne of necessity to be at home or not gone for extended periods. Buuut, that's a whole other discussion!
This thread, like many on bubhub is spilling out lots of the usual "you work all day too, family above all else etc" but I've been pondering this from your DH's perspective.
For many years now he's only had a "home" part time. He's been unable to lay roots and and make his own friends. Working near your old home, given his career was not possible so you both decided to try the move.
I know how hard it is being away from family that you are close to and that it takes time to get your new support "village". I 100% know where you are at because I have been there myself (just with less kids! )
I'm going to guess though that your DH has been struggling through with his loneliness for years now and, the way he sees it, he can finally have a life outside of family and work.
I know you have little kids and it's easy for someone on the outside to say "no, not while the kids are little " but, you've spoken before about a 4th being on the cards, so does he need to wait another 5-7 years before he can do this?
I'm not pooh-poohing all the other comments in this thread. I just worry ifyou go in with a "I'm putting my foot down" attitude it may not have the most productive outcome as this may be something that he really needs.
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11-03-2016 13:49 #33
My dh is very sporty. He lives and breathes sport. We met because he was my soccer coach, at the time in addition to coaching a women's team he also played in a men's outdoor team, 2 indoor soccer teams, indoor soccer referee, umpired cricket, surf club member and had season footy membership.
Now that we have 3 kids all he is able to commit to himself is an indoor soccer team and a gym membership. Oh, and bloody dream team helps him satisfy some of his sporting needs He coaches our kids teams but he knows with the ages of ours kids its not possible to do more right now and sustain our relationship. As they all get older we are both wanting to get back into sport more.
ETA: indoor soccer games are 20 min halves. So super quick. And no weekly training necessary. I would not cope with him spending 10 hrs per week dedicated to one team.
Last edited by Barnaby; 11-03-2016 at 13:51.
11-03-2016 17:13 #34
11-03-2016 18:01 #35
Just to update.... had a big chat to dh. He said he was planning only going to one training a week once the season commenced. And that he was only going two hours before the first match as they are getting their uniforms this week. Otherwise it would only be an hour or so before the game.
He looked at me as I was an absolute tool for thinking he would do otherwise.
Oh and the long shifts at work - he was covering for a guy who's wife is heavily pregnant and needed flexible shifts at work. That guy covered for dh last when he was flying up and down all the time.
He then told me to definitely do some Bollywood dancing and said he hoped it would translate to the bedroom. Then he winked idiotically at me.
All in all I was upset for no reason. He has gone out tonight for drinks but has already put the big kids to bed and told me to put my feet up.
So. I'm an idiot.
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11-03-2016 18:11 #36
11-03-2016 18:29 #37
DH does crossfit 5 days a week and has now joined a soccer team that our friend started. I'm glad he is doing a team sport as he has never done team sports before and isn't much of a team player when it comes to work and relationships with friends so i hope this helps him improve his social intelligence the soccer atm is taking up 1.5 hours a week for training and I assume about 2 hours for the game. So that is a total of 8.5 hours. It sounds like a lot but honestly, I'm happy for him and I know he would be equally supportive and actually quite happy if I dedicated that much time a week to sport. I usually do about 5 hours a week on exercise (crossfit and spin class) but before I had kids it was probably about 10 hours or more because I was indoor rock climbing regularly and each session is at least 2 hours).
I don't think the number of hours is the issue. It's more to do with what your relationship is like and how you spend the rest of your time together. If the sport means you have no time together then yes, it is too much. But if you still get a good few hours a day together during the week and most of the weekend, then i don't see it being a bad thing.
11-03-2016 18:38 #38
11-03-2016 19:34 #39
11-03-2016 20:24 #40
Only just read the thread. Glad to hear all is well.
Footy is big in Canberra - so many people play it. And they can get quite serious about it. All the ladies I knew said similar things about the training, and their DPs dropped one training session after they'd had kids. You may find another group of friends in your DH's team mates' DPs (did that make sense?). Often there are social events organised with the teams and apparently the women all got on quite well (although I imagine it could vary quite widely!).
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