If you want to do Bollywood dancing on a weeknight he trains just ask him to only train once a week, that's fair.
It's all about negotiating something that works for both, it's pointless having one person feeling resentful.
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11-03-2016 09:05 #21
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11-03-2016 09:05 #22
This is the reason DH doesn't play sport anymore. He gets up at 5am most mornings when we're all still asleep and goes to the gym or for a run so still gets his exercise, but the cricket was getting beyond a joke: he had to go support the juniors in the morning (small club), play all arvo, then have a few social beers after. He was gone 8-7 and I had a newborn!
Unfortunately it's the norm for sports clubs.
When DH played footy in a small town we compromised: he only went to 1 training session a week, then I rocked up after the game & he had to hang around with me (at that stage no kids, so I played netball at the same club).
Is it the sort of footy club where they put on a casserole tea & the families can go down to the pavilion in the arvo? Maybe you could take the kids down about 3-4pm and have tea with your DH then he comes home with you? That's how many families did it when we lived in the bush.
11-03-2016 09:22 #23
How much time for sport?
I'm not very tactful so I'll do my best but if you choose not to let other things slide at weekends so you can have your time then hard to be upset at DH taking his Saturday footy. ( I do agree tho that he should drop a training session during the week )..
Washing, cooking, cleaning etc will always be there. Your mental health and happiness isn't.. There literally must be an hour a week where you can take some time off to do something, anything for yourself. Pedicure, gym, class, learn a new language, dance? Saturday afternoon? Saturday night? Sunday night?
My point is that you need time to be you or you'll go mad. It's just about nutting out with your DH when this 'you' time can be. And letting go a little bit of all the endless things that need to be done.
11-03-2016 09:29 #24Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
Does he really need 2 nights training? That seems excessive to me, it's just a hobby not the next superstar team, I presume.
Same with 2 hours before the game. An hour should be fine.
11-03-2016 09:41 #25
My personal view is when the kids are little a lot of stuff has to slide. There are so many things DH and I would love to do but the family has to come first while they're still so young.
I think he needs to cut the time down on training and just hanging around the club. I get that he needs social time but he also has to accept you need him at home.
11-03-2016 09:51 #26
How much time for sport?
Sports and hobbies are tough.
After DD was born and she was a non-sleeper we re-negotiated DH's sporting commitments. At that stage he was playing soccer, so 2 x training sessions then a game on the weekend. I was falling to pieces (and got pnd) and he recognised that things needed to change. He stopped soccer and changed to futsal which was 1 night per week. Much more manageable. The difference is DH wasn't doing it for social reasons like yours.
Honesty I totally get how you are feeling. It's really hard to watch your partner walk out the door to do something they love (multiple times a week) while you stay at home with the kids.
Last edited by teenie; 11-03-2016 at 13:07.
11-03-2016 09:57 #27
Another option RAH, DH has over the years just trained with a club for fitness only. He played an occasional game when they were short a player, but he couldn't commit the time to play on weekends. He also used to train with a different club when he lived nowhere near the club he played for. Its not common but not unheard of for guys just to do the training nights.
11-03-2016 10:08 #28Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
I'd probably get all passive aggressive and take up a hobby or find reasons to be out for 9-10 hours a week myself (leaving him home with the kids at those times). (I will admit, not likely to be the most successful strategy!)
I think from the non-stay-at home patent's perspective, they can get the mistaken idea that being at home with the kids provides lots of opportunities for social interaction (as if you'd be happily spending your time at parks and play centres if you didn't have kids). They forget that the stay-at-home parent could also use some time to themselves, and some time with the other parent. And that theory only holds up until you go back to work anyway, and then how is it fair on you?
I agree with PPs. You could explain all of this to him (in as "non-blaming" a fashion as possible) and then suggest a compromise, eg. that he only trains once a week, so you get some recreation time too.
Last edited by Gentoo; 11-03-2016 at 10:14.
11-03-2016 10:29 #29
I think outside activities and sports are great but you have to strike a balance. Personally I think I'd be drawing the line at one training session and one game a week, even that is quite a big commitment given the fact that you have three young kids. Especially if you also have other weekly commitments like church.
Your hubby might be working long hours but so are you, you're putting in those hours on the home front.
When you have small kids neither of you can just do the things you used to do, family time has to come first or you'll end up really resentful.
11-03-2016 11:05 #30
I do go to the gym. 3X mornings from 5.30-6.30am whilst Kids are asleep or watching tv. So he is home technically but no actual parenting needed other than getting him breakfast. I then also go 2X a week with the kids in tow.
I'm also finding it harder to understand as I've never played a sport. My family aren't sporting and the whole weekend sport culture is new to me. We never did it growing up and none of our circle did either. I've also got zero interest in afl and won't be attending the games with all three kids in Canberra winters.
His team consist of mainly young singles or men with no kids. They do have lots of evening drinks that dh doesn't attend. I do appreciate that.
I know dh is lonely. His closest friend sadly is my brother. My mum always makes his favourite dish for his B-Day. His folks don't do much for them and I understand that he wants something that's just his.
But at what cost? I will try to get him to drop one night of training and maybe only get to the game an hour before on Saturdays.
I guess I thought it would be easier when we were finally living together. But it's not. It's much harder and much more isolating.
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