Most of you know I recently moved to Canberra. Dh has joined a footy team. So he trains Tues and Wed nights 6-8pm. He plays on Saturday and apparently needs to be there 2hrs before a game and 1HR after. So per week including travel he is away 9-10hrs per week.
Is this normal? He works very long hours on non footy days so is out 7.30/8am-6.30/7pm. Then this. I am building a support network here but seriously for the time he is away I should have just stayed in Brisbane with my folks.
How much time do you think is appropriate to spend on sport? Before it was cross fit and I had to chuck the biggest tanty up get him to reduce his hours.
I tried to talk to him about it and he got angry and said I was being ridiculous. Every man plays sport. This is how he was going to make friends.
Am I being unreasonable? If yes please say it gently as I'm very upset already.
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11-03-2016 06:22 #1
How much time for sport?
11-03-2016 06:30 #2
How much time for sport?
DH (then dp) played footy my first 3 or 4 years in Melbourne and I hated it, rarely saw him during the week with that plus his long work hours and then it consumed our weekend (Friday night would be quiet since he had a game the next day and Saturday was usually completely a waste due to the game). No way I would tolerate that in a new city with kids, especially a new baby, we barely see him during the week so giving up a whole day on the weekend is a big no.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 11-03-2016 at 06:37.
11-03-2016 06:32 #3
DP plays cricket all summer. There's a reason for the term 'cricket widow'. He rarely goes to training, but his boys also play. So, during summer he watches the youngest play Friday evening for 2 hours, he watches his middle son play all morning Saturday then he plays WITH his middle one all afternoon on Saturday. Then every fortnight he plays all afternoon Sunday. I HATE IT!! I like that he has an interest, and I'm grateful that he never goes out with mates and that all other spare time is spent at home, but cricket seriously is so damn time consuming.
11-03-2016 06:33 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
Doesn't your DH work away as well?
11-03-2016 06:35 #5
But I will also add that I would never tell him he can't play. He took one season off thinking I didn't like it, and he was miserable. I urged him to play the next season because I'd rather see him less but see him happy, than have him around being sad due to not playing. But then he's been playing for about 20 years or so, so it's not like it's a new thing.
11-03-2016 06:57 #6
I couldn't cope with that and I have been living in this town most if our lives.
Family must come first. If your not coping/it's straining your relationship/straining his relationship with the kids. Than maybe it to reevaluate what's more important.
There are plenty of things he can do to make friends and have fun without damaging his life.
11-03-2016 07:05 #7
My DH plays footy too. I remember the year I had DS was the toughest, with him being out and me being home with a newborn. Now it's great. DS has grown up at the club and loves being there. A bit different as I know you have 3 younger girls.
I combatted it by joining the netball team attached to the footy. Again, I know different to your situation as you have no support there.
It's definitely hard. If you think it's too much can you suggest s different sport? One that wouldn't take up so much time? Or a trade off? You get 10 hours a week to yourself to do what you like? Lol
11-03-2016 07:10 #8
I'm loathe to tell him to stop as he is lonely. All his mates are flung across Australia or on deployments. For the last ten years- his bday celebrations have pretty much only been my family and a few of my/joint friends attending. Like this year- his bday is Easter Monday- my mum and my brother/SIL/niece are flying in as we found out his parents won't be coming.
I truly get he wants mateship. But 9-10hrs a week?!?!? I barely get 2hrs a fortnight without all the kids. I was hoping to take up Bollywood dancing but I can't. Nor can I work evenings when my mat leave is over or we'd never spend time together.
I just don't know what to do.
11-03-2016 07:15 #9
DH plays soccer. He trains once a week for 2 hours and usually plays Friday nights.
I'd be fine with the training personally as I go to the gym twice a week at least but the extra three hours on top of the game is too much. That really cuts into the weekend. Being there half an hour before is more than enough.I'm assuming the hour after is to stay back and have a beer? I'd negotiate that, maybe stay back once a fortnight or something.
It's hard as I think sport is good, fitness, socialising, but it does take up time.
11-03-2016 07:16 #10
Write him a letter saying just that. That you get to think about exactly what you want to say. Rewrite as many times as you want. Make sure you add that you understand he needs time to make new mates. Keep it in the I feel point of view rather accusations.
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