Honestly if they are that unhappy I would suggest a life overhaul and downsizing. I realise it's far easier said than done but j felt like I was completely trapped on a treadmill when I went back to work after my second was born and DH and I spent a year working out how to make a change.
I think some times we get so caught up just living we forget what we're living for.
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10-03-2016 09:55 #41
10-03-2016 10:14 #42
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10-03-2016 12:46 #43
In answer to the OP, my DH earns nearly 3 times as much as me, but he started his career straight after uni (he works in finance) whereas it took me 3 years out of uni to establish my career (marketing - jobs were hard to come by so I did a lot of admin work). We then lived overseas for a year in a city where finance jobs were a dime a dozen and paid a lot so he got a job in a bank and marketing and admin jobs that I was qualified for payed rubbish.
We got home and I did a few temp contracts and purposely sought out a job with an organisation with good mat leave (26 weeks paid) and he went back to his job he was in before we left (I had to give mine up as I couldn't get leave without pay).
Where we are is via my choices (with support of DH). But now he knows how hard it is being at home with the kids even just 2 days and we agreed that if I eat the more than him he would work part time and I'd be full time. The jobs market for each of our different industries and the fact he's older than me has lead to our difference in pay.
I'm just biding my time until both kids are at school so I can get back to working more and hopefully in interior design type role as this is the course I'm currently studying. Having kids has made me realise that money doesn't matter, being fulfilled in a job I actually enjoy and having more family time are far more important than climbing corporate ladders and hitting glass ceilings etc.
10-03-2016 14:07 #44
Hubby works, I stay home. I'll go back to work once our youngest is in prep (we haven't had a second yet so it might be a few years away yet!). We decided this together. We are both teachers so if I was also working full time then DD would need to be in full time daycare 7-6 every day. My salary wouldn't be much after paying for it. As I'm a teacher I am trained in childhood education and we felt DD would be better off at home with me. Hubby does extra tutoring so I can afford to stay home. If I had a very high paying job then it might have been the other way around. Hubby does say that he wouldn't be able to cope with being home though lol
Hopefully when it is time for me to return to the workforce I shouldn't have too much trouble. Because we moved from the uk and I didn't complete a full year contract here the school that hires me will get someone with a few years of experience but for a graduate salary!
10-03-2016 14:18 #45
When I first got pregnant I earned more than DH, when I came back from mat leave we both worked part time.
During this time DH copped a lot of stick at work, lots of comments framed as jokes about having days off and long weekends and how lucky he was and a bludger.
He was offered a promotion which would take his pay up to my FT equivalent but it wasn't on the table unless he worked FT. We both wanted more money coming in so he went for it.
So he started FT and I dropped another two shifts and that's where we are now, me working PT and him FT.
Our reasons for this are mostly around work /life balance. He's a teacher so gets more holidays than me which is one of the reasons we decided to have this set up. I'm also in a high burn out profession so don't really want to work FT.
10-03-2016 15:22 #46
I was working PT after my mat leave and it was great. The reason I went back full time was bc dh was going to be made redundant and we were still paying for childcare because we didn't want to lose our spot.
Now my workplace is also restructuring and thankfully I still have a job. Dh has also recently found work so we are ok now. Lots of our friends have recently been through restructures and redundancies. It just feels like job security isn't what it used to be.
10-03-2016 17:13 #47Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
I understand the sentiment behind living within your means so you can actually live...but for many having two parents working is required to be able to put food on the table each week and pay rent/mortgage in their small, modest home, not so they can have fancy cars and live in oversized houses. The average Australian income is $90k for a two adult, two child family. It's not much. I know where we live (which has high housing costs) with our modest little house we would never be able to pay our mortgage if our combined full time wages was $90k...and sure we could move further out...and spend an hour travelling to work and back each way, live in a rough area away from everything that we enjoy in life, but that doesn't sound like much fun either.
Last edited by Full House; 10-03-2016 at 17:25.
10-03-2016 18:19 #48
I don't know how people do it on one income unless the person is on 150k. When you add up insurance, school, bills, mortgage, food etc an average income doesn't go far.
People are quick to say move to a cheaper city but cheaper cities are cheaper for a reason. It's not easy to move away from friends and kids schools etc.
I don't want to live like I am forever and I take full responsibility for making bad decisions when I was younger. A divorce, buying a house to late, not going to uni early but that doesn't take away from the fact that it is really hard for me and I feel stuck.
Someone mentioned opting out and I want to opt out I'm just not sure what I should be opting out too...maybe a cabin in the woods.
10-03-2016 18:59 #49
I study/work part time (about 4 full days a week). Dh works full time. Once I finish my degree, assuming I can get a job, I'll earn more than dh. He will likely still work fulltime though - I don't think staying at home would be good for him. Haha. And we might actually be able to buy a house! I hope to work part time, at least while I have kids under 5. Since we've had ds, dh has learnt to cook, clean, shop etc. He has to when I get home later than he does.
In my industry, it can be very discouraging to women to work their way up as there is this huge unwritten expectation to work overtime. That's just not achievable for women with families. It shouldn't be that way and people are actively trying to change the status quo. It's not easy.
10-03-2016 19:10 #50
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