DH and I received similiar salaries until we had kids. I think without kids I probably would have been promoted and would earn just as much if not more than him.
Instead I took 12 months off each time, went back 4 days intitially after DD was born and then increased to full time for 18 weeks before DS was born. Now I've returned 3 days a week. I'm at the same level as I was pre-kids although Ive received pay rises under our EA and increment rises. DH has negotiates substantial pay increases and based on current take home pay earns about double what I do. The gap would be closer if I was part time but childcare fees would eat a lot of that up.
I am part time and took so much time off because it was easier for me to do so because my workplace is more flexible.
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09-03-2016 12:03 #11
Last edited by smallpotatoes; 09-03-2016 at 12:05.
09-03-2016 12:25 #12
I HAD the potential to be a far greater income earner than DH. Unfortunately like @Sonja falling pregnant, requesting part time or flexible work was the death knell for my career. Now with unexpected baby #3 on the way DH and I have accepted my legal career is over. I do a small amount of work as a consultant still but the reality is if I do ever go back into a law firm it will have to be with no expectation of progression or promotion.
In the meantime I've watched a young man who started whilst I was pregnant with DS2 move up rapidly and has just completed the practice management course with the expectation he will be made partner within months. He has 1/3 the years experience I do and regularly requests my support and assistance sigh ...
So no it's not a choice I'm sahm and DH full time earner at all.
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09-03-2016 12:30 #13
DP and I were on similar salaries/jobs when we met and got engaged. We then found out that we’d have trouble having a child and subsequently have spent a good portion of time and money doing IVF for ouralmost 3 year old DS and have a second on the way.
We always had a plan, before we had kids that I would only work part time or be at home for however long we thought worked for us.
I stayed in a job (that I really do love) for the flexibility while doing IVF/being pregnant/going on mat leave and decided to forgo climbing the ladder while we had young children. I work part time 2-3 days a week and won’t work more than that for a long time. I’m happy for now to stay where I am have turned down several expressions of promotions the last year or two.
DP on the other hand has def progressed career wise, he’s been offered quite a few new positions and he’s done a stint in a few jobs.
DP would be very happy for me to stay home fulltime if that’s what I wanted, but I find 2-3 days of work are great for me even though it’s busy. We also didn’t want to put our child in formal care until about 2 , just a decision for us and will be same with the next child, so I may delay going back to work.
I actually feel really lucky. I still get to maintain a professional job that I enjoy while still being able to have time at home. It took us so long to have kids, we lost a few pregnancies so we had plenty oftime to ponder things and we both just felt strongly we wanted one of us to behome as much as possible with our kids. I’m happy career wise for now to staywhere I am, I’ll have the headspace and energy to move up when the kids are older but for now, time with them is the priority. We obviously also took a financial cut for me to work part time but we’ve planned ahead for that.
Last edited by Clementine Grace; 09-03-2016 at 12:33.
09-03-2016 12:39 #14
When we had our first I went back to work around 4-5months as I earned double what DH did. He started doing night shift so I could work during the day whilst he was the SAHD. Once DD2 came along, I had had enough and would eventually want a career change. DH joined the forces and now earns more than what he and I made together. I've now been a SAHM for 7 years, itching to get back into work eventually.
09-03-2016 12:41 #15
In my relationship, it came down to who could best provide financially. That happened to be me.
I took on a new job whilst I was half way through my pregnancy for a great company, and I would have been foolish to throw that away (I am paid well for the role I'm in and would struggle to get the same wage elsewhere). So I returned to work full time when DS was 4.5 months old and DH became the SAHP.
DH has still maintained a casual job (nights/weekends) whilst caring for DS in the day.
I have no regrets about returning to work, in fact I'm proud that I have been able to provide for my family. I am also really fortunate that my DH has been such a responsible and fantastic father to our DS. He has broken the sexist stereotype of the clueless dad who simply 'babysits' their child.
09-03-2016 13:33 #16Senior Member
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- Nov 2013
I'm due to go back to work in July, when my DD will be 9 months old. I really don't want to go back. My job is ok but I don't love it, I'd much rather be at home. I haven't missed it at all since being on mat leave. However I earn a lot more than DH does (Hes on an average wage but I could earn the same as him only working three days per week) and DH really wants me to go back so I get paid mat leave again when we have a second baby. I need to talk to work about the possibility of returning part time, hopefully they will allow me to. I just wish hubby was on board with me staying home longer...I keep bringing it up but he won't really entertain the idea
09-03-2016 15:29 #17
Thanks for all the replies.
Biologically women are the ones who get pregnant and will need time off after having the baby for various reasons such as physical recovery, breastfeeding etc. And it us unfortunate but reality is women have a biological clock when it comes to fertility so unlike men it often is the case that we put our career on hold whilst starting a family.
But deciding to come back to work part time is something I still see as being a choice, the best choice for the family at the time. So I don't see it as being because of constraints placed upon individuals by their workplace due to gender (of course there would be some exception). And going by the replies, it sounds like the playing field was pretty even pre - kids but shifted after having kids but sounds like it's the women who's focus has shifted.
09-03-2016 15:39 #18
Maybe this isn't the best forum to be asking these questions given most of the women who are out there still working and trying to level the playing field probably aren't participating in a parenting forum.
09-03-2016 15:42 #19
Sorry if I misread your post. I do think it was really unfair that you were treated poorly whilst on maternity leave. It was the part when you said being in your next place part time lawyers are treated as though invisible and this is what I interpreted as being a choice of going back part time. If you were male lawyer and part time, would the firm have treated you differently?
You also said you moved for dh to progress and give you a break and flexibility. Again was that not a choice?
09-03-2016 15:44 #20
I think it’s probably very likely that there are more constraints placed on a woman who’s pregnant or returning from Mat leave in thework place, than on a man who’s just had a child. Very often, their work life just continues as normal.
Depending on your field, I imagine a lot of women would be overlooked for certain promotions etc. because they have children or are pregnant. Actually I don’t imagine it, I’ve seen it.
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