I LOVE my job. I've worked my way to where I currently am fairly quickly, and my boss loves me. If I fall pregnant though, I KNOW it's going to stress everyone out as tbh, while I'm replaceable like everyone else, it's going to be hard to find someone to replace me and that will stress us both out because we care so much about the business.
The thing is, I'm also 30 now and my daughter is 11 this year... and right now I'm a step down from where I want to be career-wise.
I figure now is the best time for me to fall pregnant PROFESSIONALLY as I will be much more easily replaced NOW rather than when I'm basically the highest I can be in the department I'm in... and I want to do it now for PERSONAL reasons too, in terms of me knowing that the longer I wait the harder it may become to conceive naturally, the fact I've been with my partner 8 years already, and the fact I've already got a whopping great age-gap between my daughter and whatever sibling we give her.
Still, I am terrified of telling my boss. Like I said, I love her, but I know it'll be scary and uncertain as we look for someone to replace me temporarily while I'm on maternity leave... and I'm even more scared if I fall pregnant immediately and leave around the busiest time of the year (Christmas), because that will actually be the worst thing that could happen for our business. I know that she will try and be happy for me, and she WILL be happy for me, as a friend, but as a boss, she'll be sweating and I will be too, because I know it'll be tough going.
I suppose I could just tell her the above - we're personal enough for me to just lay it out like that I suppose - but I'm still really anxious about how it will go.
Anyone else been in a similar situation and have any advice?
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07-03-2016 20:51 #1
Telling your work you're pregnant...
07-03-2016 21:03 #2
Similar here. Great relationship with boss(es) and doing well in a career I am/was enjoying. When I had DD I was DREADING telling my boss as I was certain she would be upset but tbh she was really good about it. We even kept in touch while I was on Mat leave and became good friends. This time round, I was anticipating she would be upset but once again she turned out to be very understanding about it.
I think the best thing I did was tell her early about my intentions then map out some solutions for our part of the business so that she felt supported and like she had options. We then had lots of opportunity while my pregnancies progressed to fine tune plans and recruit/train/etc.
08-03-2016 06:41 #3
I find it stressful telling my boss too. Last time my replacement was absolute crap and it was really awful. This time, they "downgraded" my role and replaced my position really early so I could take it easy. However it hasn't been the case and I'm now doing my workload AND someone else's. I've spoken to the boss about the other person being incompetent (they haven't been working for us for long) and she just keeps saying "mentor him". It's driving me nutting as I have given him all the training under the sun, he just won't do what I tell him to do. *sigh lol.
Hope it goes smoothly for you lol.
08-03-2016 08:02 #4
The work aspect has been a nightmare for me.
i told them I'm only away for fourteen weeks, I made suggestions about a suitable replacement. And what did they do?
when my boss resigned they gave the job to a completely incompetent random male. When I asked why was I not considered I was told "we didn't think you would be interested".
i am so angry... My job still pays well but the challenge is gone and my new boss feels really threatened by me and for good reason.
Putting all my energy into planning a start up to do after this contract but I want a second baby too
08-03-2016 09:25 #5
No offence, but you're borrowing trouble. Worry about that when you're pregnant. You can't live your life catering to others or being scared about what might happen. At the end of the day no one is irreplaceable.
Sorry I'm just from an IVF group so never plan ahead!
08-03-2016 09:35 #6
It may not even happen straight away. A lot can change in 11yrs with your fertility, plus you have a new partner etc. I was thinking about all those things when we started TTC. We're now 2.5yrs down the track and still no baby. The longer it took the less I cared about the "what ifs". I think my boss knows now that we're doing IVF. I've not actually told her, but I told her fill in when it looked like some of the IVF stuff was going to clash with work. I would just try to let go of that worry and stress and focus on what you and your partner want. By all means tell her early on in the pregnancy if you feel comfortable enough but I would not worry about it all now. The added stress may even hinder your TTC efforts if you're too focused on how it's going to affect your boss and workplace. I would just be happy with your decision to start TTC and leave it at that.
08-03-2016 09:49 #7
At the end of the day, there is sometimes no good time to be pregnant in your professional career. Nothing is ever certain either (alsocoming from am IVF’er) you could end up taking a bit longer to fall pregnant, or have some hitches along the way that may change how long you can work when pregnant etc.
It sounds like you’re a valuable member of the team so whenever you decide to have a baby, they’ll miss you. I’d probably ttc when it’s right for your little family and then when it happens, worry about telling work then. There will probably be no perfect time work wise and while you def want to consider your career , you have to prioritise what’s best for you first rather than worry about your boss.
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08-03-2016 09:59 #8
You know your workplace best, but at mine a declaration of pregnancy, or an indication of even trying is best described as "a career limiting move".
I told my boss at 16w that I was pregnant. It takes months to train someone up to take over. I'm two weeks into mat leave and they still haven't hired a replacement. I tried my best to ensure it would be covered but in the end they decided it was cheaper to leave it and now can't find anyone!
It also took more than 18 months of fertility treatment for me to get pregnant. Hopefully yours is a shorter journey but it might take longer than anticipated.
08-03-2016 10:14 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
Nope, there's no way I'd tell them anything before I was pregnant.
As to what is the best time professionally- I'd actually say it's better to wait until you're in the position/at the level you want to reach. I was fortunate that I received a promotion while I was pregnant with my first child, before they knew I was. Had that not happened, I really doubt I would have been promoted when I went back to work after maternity leave, because these days I simply can't do the same hours and be as reliable as I once was. It sucks, but until my kids are a bit older that's just the way it is.
However, I think that once you hit your 30s, it's probably more important to think about what timeframe suits you personally rather than professionally. Jobs frankly come and go, and it sounds like you've now got a good skill set so you can afford to prioritise the personal over the professional.
FWIW, I had my first child at 36 and my second recently at 38, both naturally conceived really quickly. You just don't know what's going to happen until you start TTC, another reason why in your position I'd probably prioritise the right personal timing over the right professional timing.
08-03-2016 13:04 #10
Ultimately it's your decision however I would not be indicating I was TTC. Fingers crossed you fall pregnant straight away but you may not.
Career wise there is no good time to fall pregnant. Employers will always be inconvenienced by it and some take it better than others. I told my boss I was pregnant with DS2 when I was 12 weeks (if I had told him
I was TTC it would have been a long 4 years!). He did not get a temp to replace me and I returned after 11 weeks to an absolute bomb site.
You can't control how you're employer will react or what they will do. I would wait until you are actually pregnant and ideally out of the first trimester before raising it. That still gives them around 6 months to work out what to do!
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