So my daughter is 11 in July. I've just started TTC (last night lol), and so the age gap is going to be at least 11 years between her and her brother/sister.
She's been an only child for so long, and while I expect the next child will be treated pretty much exactly the same way she has, I'm a bit nervous about how she's going to go with it. She's a little bit greedy when it comes to my attention and always has been - potentially as her father, who was in her life full time until 2.5, abandoned her when she was 3.5 and moved overseas, only to hear from him a few times afterwards when he informed her that he had a new baby son (which crushed her - she was only a preschooler at the time and cried, "But why? He had me! He could have had me!" which both broke my heart and made me feel particularly murderous), and hasn't spoken to her at all, in any way, since 2010.
She has my partner in her life though... he's been around since she was 3 and they have a fabulous relationship. They love and care about each other, and he's pretty much her father in every way other than biology. People even comment on how she looks like him (not knowing he's not her father).
At this point she doesn't want a sibling - she did a few years ago, but has since decided they're noisy and irritating and thus doesn't want one. That said, she hasn't had much to do with babies so she may indeed enjoy them eventually.
I'm waffling, but basically... I'm just after advice and experiences of people who've had their child gain a sibling after ten or more years of being an only child...
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07-03-2016 20:44 #1
10+ Years Gap Between Kids... Is this you? Advice/Info?
07-03-2016 20:45 #2
07-03-2016 20:48 #3
I don't have any personal experience, but I just wanted the say good luck and congratulations on ttc!
Haven't seen you around in a while, but I've also taken a big step back from bubhub lately, so you may have been around and I just haven't seen you!
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07-03-2016 21:51 #4
08-03-2016 00:08 #5
Becoming pregnant a second time felt so surreal at first, I just could not get my head around having two kids when DS was all I'd known. I had him at 17 and almost felt guilty at the thought of bringing another little person into our lives, as strange as that sounds, I just couldn't imagine it after more than a decade of having "only one".
In saying that, having baby number 2 after such a big gap felt like I was being given the best days of my life all over again; I distinctly recall the moment in the hospital that I realised my new little DD was DS's double! My heart soared and the familiar feelings all came flooding back - it was as if I was transported back in time and I loved it. And yet, it felt like I was having my first all over again as I'd pretty much forgotten everything. It was weird, the nurses at the hospital kind of expected I'd be an old hat and wouldn't need much guidance but I had to keep reminding them it had been 12 years between babies for me and I couldn't even remember how to fold the swaddle!
As for the dynamics between my kids, I must admit I'm extremely lucky in that DS has doted on his baby sister since day one and as a family we all adjusted remarkably well to this new little edition. I will never forget DS's reaction at first seeing DD after she was born.. she was in the little side cot beside my hospital bed and he walked in and was absolutely stunned when he laid eyes on her. He said "Is that HER?!" lol... He admitted that while he knew, obviously, that his little sister was coming, actually seeing this real life baby in the flesh blew him away (in a good way!)
In a nutshell, having a large age gap has not been an issue in the slightest. Sure, some might say it's not conventional, but it's just how life works sometimes 😃
Funny, my very first post (question) on BH was exactly the same as this!
You will be fine. Your DD will adjust amazingly and you will be besotted with your new little dear bub just the same as if you'd had a one or two year age gap.
Best of luck xx
Last edited by ~Marigold~; 08-03-2016 at 00:53.
08-03-2016 00:21 #6
Aww Marigold he looks smitten!
Thank you so much for replying.
I had DD when I was 18, and because of that, she missed out on some things because I simply could not afford them... and I actually feel guilty cos my future baby will be able to receive so much more than she could, that I feel kinda horrible that it'll be luckier than she will be... did you ever feel that? Like this kid will get 2 parents that both wanted it to be born, that planned for it, that are financially able to cater to it. That have ambition and confidence and know themselves a lot more than DD got... if that makes sense.
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08-03-2016 00:36 #7
08-03-2016 00:42 #8
And don't dismiss the fact that your DD is still on the receiving end of everything you have and who you have become and is benefiting from that and will continue to do so as she grows up, even with another baby in the family. Be proud of how far you've come!
I get it though, mummy guilt is the pits. Although you honestly have nothing to feel guilty about x
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