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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Just adding @JR03 I had one 3 year old and parented her VERY differently to how I dealt with her siblings. I was similar to you. It's easy for us with a few kids to say we just ignore it or move on but I know how hard it is when you have only one and they know they have your full attention.
    She has 2 kids.

    I don't pay attention to tantrums. When I had one child I walked away as well. There is no point in trying to negotiate with a child having a tantrum.

  2. #12
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    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Please don't say that dd1 is the spawn of satan at the moment but by 4 she'll be an angel again- fingers in ears not listening!
    Each child is different. I thought I got out of the toddler years ok but must say the teenage years frighten me. Not looking forward to that.


    DD1 is way more difficult now at 7 (almost 8) than she was ever at all those ages put together

    DS was a really difficult 2 year old but has matured more each year and is awesome now. He's 5 (6in July) and just started school.

    DD2 is 3 and not too bad except we've hit a bump in the road now since she's changed to a bed.

  3. #13
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    My 2yo is proving far more difficult than her brother ever was. She's now 2y8m, and was a delight up until about a month ago. Now it's tantrums and squealing. I have more breast surgery coming up soon (related to my cancer diagnosis, etc etc), and I don't and won't have any tolerance for such behaviour. So I generally smack (only ever on the back of the hand, just enough to give her a shock), yell, or put her in the laundry until she calms down. When she's being good she gets lots of kisses and cuddles.

    Not saying that's the right approach for you, but I don't think I would be doing her any favours in the future (behaviour at kindy, school, etc) if I let her get away with it.

    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    She has 2 kids.

    I don't pay attention to tantrums. When I had one child I walked away as well. There is no point in trying to negotiate with a child having a tantrum.
    No I don't think so.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    No I don't think so.
    Oh? I have usernames mixed up

    Still, I never had just a 3 year old as I had all my kids 2 years apart

  7. #16
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    Not much advice here, still trying to work it out myself but the naughty chair is getting quite a workout these days. I think you are getting there, as the others have said imagine if you had more than 1 then you just wouldn't have time for negotiation and that's ok I think. My dad was a disciplinarian and I think I turned out ok (I was youngest of three)

    3yrs old is far worse than 2 with my boy. Also, the whining!!! Oh my god. Last saturday both my partner and I were just broken by the incessant, unrelenting whining. I always suspected I wasn't a toddler person. Not looking forward to the teenage years for sure.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Oh? I have usernames mixed up

    Still, I never had just a 3 year old as I had all my kids 2 years apart
    Which is why it's different. My last 3 were all 2 years apart and I didn't notice the ages much at all. But what my first she was 3 and a half when I had her sister and I definitely think I parented her differently.

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    Firstly thanks for taking the time to respond.

    I think my opinion on tantrums is different to a lot of you who have responded, it is either her response to a need not being met or her having emotions that she doesn't know how to handle. I never see a tantrum as being naughty or acting out, it's just the only way she knows how to deal with the situation. Which is why I don't ignore her or put her in a room on her own; I want to help her work through it and begin to learn how to react to those emotions. And only having one child, I do have the luxury of focusing all of my attention on her.

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  11. #19
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    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post
    Firstly thanks for taking the time to respond.

    I think my opinion on tantrums is different to a lot of you who have responded, it is either her response to a need not being met or her having emotions that she doesn't know how to handle. I never see a tantrum as being naughty or acting out, it's just the only way she knows how to deal with the situation. Which is why I don't ignore her or put her in a room on her own; I want to help her work through it and begin to learn how to react to those emotions. And only having one child, I do have the luxury of focusing all of my attention on her.
    This is the attitude I take to tantrums too. My dd is younger than yours but at this stage I'm trying to acknowledge her feelings and then sit with her until I can either figure out what the problem is and address it, or until she's ready to be distracted out of it. I don't know if that works once they're older though. I hope it will!

    That's not to say that I always give her whatever she wants but, I, like you, try to pick my battles.

    Returning to your original post, I think sometimes the battles like not wanting to get dressed are about them wanting power over their own lives. So with dd I try to give her two options to choose from. Eg do you want to wear your blue dress or your red shirt? I don't know if that strategy might help you.
    Last edited by BettyV; 04-03-2016 at 17:38.

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  13. #20
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    I've been trying to figure this one out for a while. I agree about the tantrum being a struggle to deal with her emotions, and I started out dealing with them similarly to you. I found though that she struggled to calm down more if she didn't have a very clear idea of what would happen. When she knew I'd try to help however she wanted (close door, open door, stand, sit etc.) it just gave her more variables to freak out about. My general approach now is:
    1. "you must be feeling very xyz. Would you like me to stay with you while you calm down?" (if I can) or "would you like a hug?" if I can't stay. If she says no, I leave her to it. If she says yes, I stay, but I don't try to talk or respond to any demands.
    2. When she's calm, one way or another, we talk about what prompted the behaviour, how she felt and/or what could be done differently next time.
    3. At completely different times, we talk about how all feelings are valid, but we we need to feel in control/calm to solve problems effectively.

    As for things that HAVE to be done...trying to pre-empt problems sometimes works. Making it a game sometimes works (or just being silly. You don't want your shoes on your feet? Howabout your nose?). Explaining natural consequences sometimes works. Sometimes there's no real choice but to give a simple option ("In your seat or I will have to put you in. 1, 2, 3") and follow through.

    I don't always do this. It's hard to be calm and consistent. It'swhat I find works best for my threenager though.

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