DH and I have been going back and forth on this on and off for years. It's mostly mutual that we don't want either side to have the kids.
We have finally agreed on a friend (who we have yet to ask), but how do you deal with the fall out from the families? Or do you just not ever tell them??
I don't think mine would be overly bothered. Not close to them and my sisters are a decade or more older than me with adult children. His family I can see being hurt and upset though. We don't see a lot of his siblings and aren't close, and I wouldn't expect them to leave their kids in our care, but I can see them being offended anyway.
Do you have this conversation with the family and outline your reasons so that they won't potentially fight it if we did both die? Or just hope they accept it and deal with it gracefully??
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03-03-2016 19:21 #1
Non family Guardian for your kids if the worst was to happen.
03-03-2016 19:30 #2
Personally I wouldn't bother bringing it up, chances are it'll never come to light... If it does and it's in a legal will then there's not much they can do. Maybe make sure the person you've chosen to take the kids knows they might be up against some friction and how to best deal with it.
03-03-2016 19:30 #3
We definitely spoke to both sides of the family. The last thing we want is anyone to contest it if anything happens to DH and I.
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03-03-2016 19:34 #4
You absolutely must talk to every party involved. This is your kids future here and you don't want them fighting over them or saying no we don't want them. The people you nominate can change their mind so you need to make sure everyone is on the same page here.
Please talk to all involved and then deal with the fall out
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03-03-2016 20:10 #5
We choose my sister and one of DH's sisters. We spoke to both of them before writing our wills.
I realise it's different for you - you've selected non family.
But this thread has reminded me that we've never spoken to anyone else about it. We probably should speak to my Dad and DH's parents so that those with most interest know the deal.
03-03-2016 20:20 #6
We ok'd it with my parents (who we want DD to go to). When they get too old etc we will look at friends, who we haven't spoken to yet.
03-03-2016 20:21 #7
One thing to bear in mind is setting up trusts for the people you ask to look after your kids. If they don't have the means to take care of them they can apply to have someone else do it and it may end up being someone you don't want.
03-03-2016 20:31 #8
03-03-2016 20:35 #9
03-03-2016 20:39 #10
DH and I recently did our wills and wanted to have our chosen guardians written into the will. We have our first choice but if they are unable to take the children (only reason likely to be old age or illness) we have a second choice written down.
However, the solicitor was reluctant to write this in as he said it is basically just writing our wishes (ie not legally bound) so can be contested. We insisted on having it written in so that if it were ever contested in court at least our wishes were clearly written down on paper and signed by us both. Can anyone advise if what we were told is correct? It frightens me to think my children would be fought over.
Both couples are aware of our choice and have been told that if anyone contests it they are to fight for our children. However we have not told other family our choice as we are concered it could cause 'issues'.
Last edited by 2giraffes; 03-03-2016 at 20:47.
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