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  1. #21
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    Thanks for all the replies. I think the comment about me still getting them if she died was meant as a joke, probably because she knew I might be upset and was trying to lighten the mood. She has told me before that she wants me to have them if she dies. It's not the first time it's come up.

    When she first asked me, she specifically said she knows I'm not religious but she didn't care. Her husband is also not religious and apparently the new godparents are someone she's known forever and her partner so I don't think her husband had any input.
    As much as I'm not religious, I grew up in the catholic church and I'm not anti-religion so I still would have done everything she wanted me to as a god parent.

    I guess it's not so much about not being chosen, really. It's more the fact that she asked and then took it away. And made a crap excuse. I guess I feel rejected because I'm the one who is always around, who actually knows her daughter and babysits all the time and sees them every week, and she's decided I'm not the one she wants to choose as a special person in her child's upbringing. Well, unless she dies.

    I don't know if I'll say anything. I kind of feel like that moment has passed. I was too shocked to say anything at the time and she changed the subject quickly. I don't know how to bring it up again now.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    That sounds like very poor form, I'd be pretty upset about it too and, as delirium said, I'd probably make a passing comment about it so she knew how you felt.

    Can I ask a question (of anyone), I'm not at all religious either but I thought god parents were someone you chose who would look after your children if something happened to you. I thought that was their actual role. Is that incorrect? Sorry, don't want to hijack the thread but am just genuinely curious as to what their actual role is, because I think I might have misunderstood. I always thought it was really weird that people chose non-couples because it seemed at odds with what I thought the role actually entailed, it makes more sense if I actually had it wrong all along!
    Yep I've always been really confounded on the whole God parent thing (sorry OP for the slight diversion!)

    DH and I have been asked by 2 sets of friends to be god parents of their kids. One made it clear that we would be written into their will should they both pass away at the same time and that we would be caring for the child + financially compensated. The other was instead wanting their child to have mentoring and guidance in life for their child but not a care type situation (another family member was chosen for that role). Not judging but I do find the whole thing a bit of a potential mine field and you'd want to make sure you were clear with those involved what your expectations were from the outset!

  3. #23
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    Big difference between god parents and guardians. God parents are supposed to ensure their God children stay close to the church once the parents die. Guardians will actually raise the children.

    We've actually turned down being God parents on the basis we're atheists. Don't see the point really. None of our kids have them but they do have a guardian.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Big difference between god parents and guardians. God parents are supposed to ensure their God children stay close to the church once the parents die. Guardians will actually raise the children.

    We've actually turned down being God parents on the basis we're atheists. Don't see the point really. None of our kids have them but they do have a guardian.
    We did initially turn down the request for God-parents for one of our friends on this basis but they said they simply wanted our mentorship and guidance for their son, rather than religious guidance as such.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    We did initially turn down the request for God-parents for one of our friends on this basis but they said they simply wanted our mentorship and guidance for their son, rather than religious guidance as such.
    But then I don't get it? Was there a formal ceremony? If not then did they do anything?

    We have close friends who would always perform that role without a formal title.

    I find this quite interesting as if you're not religious and neither are the parents I can't see what the point is in calling a friend a "god parent". My understanding is it's a role that only exists through christening or baptism. I may be wrong on that.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But then I don't get it? Was there a formal ceremony? If not then did they do anything?

    We have close friends who would always perform that role without a formal title.

    I find this quite interesting as if you're not religious and neither are the parents I can't see what the point is in calling a friend a "god parent". My understanding is it's a role that only exists through christening or baptism. I may be wrong on that.
    We're not religious, either are the god parents of our children, (they are god parents to our children and we are to theirs) we don't do religious things with the kids, but I feel like I'm more to them then other friends.
    I don't know how I'd define it exactly but I'd say it's sort of like family you choose. If we were religious we would probably expect different things, so I guess it means different things for different people.

    To the OP I think it's very odd, and I'd be hurt, does she have an issue with your husband if he is the reason she decide not to have you?

  7. #27
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    Default Would you be upset by this?

    Quote Originally Posted by sparklebug View Post
    We're not religious, either are the god parents of our children, (they are god parents to our children and we are to theirs) we don't do religious things with the kids, but I feel like I'm more to them then other friends.
    I don't know how I'd define it exactly but I'd say it's sort of like family you choose. If we were religious we would probably expect different things, so I guess it means different things for different people.

    To the OP I think it's very odd, and I'd be hurt, does she have an issue with your husband if he is the reason she decide not to have you?
    I get it and we have close friends like that in my kids lives it's just I wouldn't call them God parents. I'm probably a product of my age but to me that only exists as a result of a religious ceremony hence why I was curious.

    Sorry not being critical of anyone's choice to call them that or to even have God parents. It just hadn't occurred to me that people use that term outside a religious context (hence why DH and I have declined).
    Last edited by Sonja; 04-03-2016 at 00:21.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I get it and we have close friends like that in my kids lives it's just I wouldn't call them God parents. I'm probably a product of my age but to me that only exists as a result of a religious ceremony hence why I was curious.

    Sorry not being critical of anyone's choice to call them that or to even have God parents. It just hadn't occurred to me that people use that term outside a religious context (hence why DH and I have declined).
    I understand what you mean, while we're not very religious we've had our kids baptised, we're not go to church every week sort of people, but have I have my own belief system, so I'm sure other Catholics would have a different way of looking at god parents. None the less ours are special to our kids.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by sparklebug View Post
    To the OP I think it's very odd, and I'd be hurt, does she have an issue with your husband if he is the reason she decide not to have you?
    She doesn't have issues with him, but she's not close to him and I don't think he'd feel comfortable doing the whole god/church thing. He's happy to go but he wouldn't want to be directly involved.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    She doesn't have issues with him, but she's not close to him and I don't think he'd feel comfortable doing the whole god/church thing. He's happy to go but he wouldn't want to be directly involved.
    Then definitely very odd/rude to withdraw the invitation and go with someone else, if the opportunity presents itself you should tell her how your feeling.
    I haven't had the best experience with friends the last couple years and I've found if keep excusing bad behavior in no time you become someone's door mat.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to sparklebug For This Useful Post:

    misho  (04-03-2016)


 

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