Can anyone stay with you for a bit?
Give Centrelink a call/visit them tomorrow. Let that be the first thing you do. Wven if you cannot face organising anything else. The next day you can deal with the lock. Or find a solicitor/call legal aid.
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17-03-2016 19:33 #71Senior Member
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- Mar 2015
17-03-2016 19:40 #72Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Sydney NSW
Aah it hurts. Try not to lose your footing. Try first with legal aid. They give advice over the phone. If not, turn up at yr local legal centre. Record all bank account numbers, passwords and balances. You can do this. Even though you're feeling devestated please try to put things in place. Paid legal fees can eat up $$. Hopefully if dh and you can reach a mutual agreement it wont come to that.
17-03-2016 19:47 #73
Hug your kids, reassure them that things will be okay. Let them have some time off school if you feel they need it.
Be gentle on yourself. Take some time off work if you can.
Phone Centrelink - do not delay they will only pay benefits from the first date of contact.
Get locks changed - I know for a fact my ex tried to get into my house.
Tell the kids teachers what has happened
Go to the school and inform them that if he turns up to pick up the kids during the day they must phone you first. (this move saved my friend's kids from being taken).
Contact CSA and get the ball rolling on child support. You have three months to do this, however from memory your ex has a high income. It is in your best financial interest to start claiming ASAP.
Contact a DV counselling service and request counselling. In my experience DV counsellors are better at understanding the effects of abuse than regular psychologists (or I may have just been referred to duds)
See a lawyer about custody and financial separation matters (there are free services available).
Clear all of his stuff out of the house and dump it in the garage. If it was me I wouldn't bother doing any dirty washing, that is his problem. Just pack it up and forget about it.
Start a diary. Write down everything that has happened and start recording things along the lines of times and dates he sees the kids, any abusive behaviour towards you and the kids etc. Limit all communication to emails and text messages and keep them so you have a record of what has been said. If he phones or tries to speak to you in person, tell him to put all his concerns in an email. You may need to keep on repeating this (will drive him crazy, but do not engage). If things get worse, you will need this stuff as a reference.
Gather up all important documents eg bank statements etc. You will need these for financial settlement. If you don't have them, go to the bank and ask. Some banks seem to charge a fee for this, but I found if you tell them it is for divorce purposes they will waive the fee.
If you don't have one, open up a bank account in your name.
If his name is on any utility accounts eg phone, electricity or even insurance, get it removed. If these are in his name only get them changed over to yours. (I think you can do that! Everything was in my name already so I didn't need to). I had trouble with my exdh then phoning up the insurance company and getting the insurances changed back to his name and new address. He then did not give me the bills. Was not funny when I realised my car insurance had expired. I had to phone the insurance company and request they NEVER change the names and addresses on any policy unless they contact me first.
If you rent, let the real estate agent know and get his name taken off the lease.
If he is named as a beneficiary to your super, get it removed.
Update your will to have his name removed. If you don't have a will, now is the time to get one. As a side note, my will has an annexure (I think it is called) outlining all of the abuse that exdh directed to me and the kids over the years and stating all the reasons he is not suitable to have 100% care of the kids if something should happen to me. Apparently if push came to shove and he challenged it, it probably wouldn't stop him getting custody, but at least provides an impediment.
Think about whether or not you want to stop his mail going to your house. I believe you can lodge a form at Australia Post naming residents of the house and instructing them to only deliver mail to those names. OR don't lodge. If he isn't smart enough to get his mail redirected, you may find out some interesting stuff about him. I'm not advocating opening mail, but logos on envelopes can give you an indication of what he is up to and may give you clues for example about which banks he has accounts at etc, which may the assist when you are doing financial setlement and he is required to provide you with all of his financial info. (ie it may help you work out if stuff is missing).
Contact Medicare and apply for a new card for yourself and the kids.
Change your name (if you wish). If you do this, I found it best to start with my drivers licence - was easy because they still had my maiden name on file and just switched it over. I'm pretty sure I didn't need my birth certificate because I had lost it. Actually I'm pretty sure I needed to supply them with a copy of my marriage certificate. Once I had my drivers licence it was easy to go around banks etc and get it changed.
That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure I've missed heaps.
Good luck with it all.
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17-03-2016 19:51 #74
Look up Womens Legal Service in your town / state.
They can give you legal advice over the phone. They also have drop in centres for free advice. Unfortunately the appointments are only around 15 mins.
Definitely try and get legal aid.
I would hold off on mediation for child custody matters for now. Let him organise it. Just give yourself and the kids some time to breath and heal.
17-03-2016 19:56 #75
One more thought - watch your kids closely for the next 12 months or so. You may need to organise counselling for them.
Phone the 1800 RESPECT number. They can put you in contact with your local DV counselling service. They should offer children's counselling services.
Lifeline/Uniting care in Qld offer parenting after separation courses. I booked myself in soon after separation.
18-03-2016 09:09 #76Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
How are you this morning?
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SSecret Squirrel (18-03-2016)
18-03-2016 19:29 #77
Drained and that everything is hazy
18-03-2016 19:29 #78
He has asked me if he can have the kids for a week.
18-03-2016 19:31 #79
I'm thinking that he wants the kids on a 1 week he has them then one week I have them ...so that he doesn't have to pay me any maintenance. ..???
18-03-2016 19:32 #80
I think this is a blessing in disguise. For you and your kids.
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