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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Hold on to that anger and don't let yourself feel like a victim. He's done you a favour. The outcome is right no matter how it came about. Change the locks, ring Centrelink, ring Legal Aid, open up a bank account. It's hard but you know in your heart it's right...

    Don't let him come sliming back to your side after he's had his kicks on his holiday.
    This. All of this.

    You can do it.

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Hold on to that anger and don't let yourself feel like a victim. He's done you a favour. The outcome is right no matter how it came about. Change the locks, ring Centrelink, ring Legal Aid, open up a bank account. It's hard but you know in your heart it's right...

    Don't let him come sliming back to your side after he's had his kicks on his holiday.
    Yep we can all see where this is going. He goes lives it up for a while then wants someone to do his cleaning again so comes back and talks about making a go of it.

    You have much to do today. No time to feel sad yet. First job is Centrelink second job change the locks. He no longer exists to you.

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  5. #53
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    Even though this is the best outcome and something you have been wanting, it's completely natural for you to start doubting yourself. Please read through your previous threads, remind yourself what you will NOT be missing out on.

    As pp's have said, get everything in order. I'd also suggest not talking to him on the weekend, but to wait until you're on your feet and, when that times comes, don't do it alone. If you have a support person, it won't be as easy for him to guilt you.
    Good luck x

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  7. #54
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    Get the ball rolling OP. This is your chance at reclaiming your future and living a life you love!

  8. #55
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    remember that song your daughter sent you a few years back? Think of it now. Think of you and think of your kids. Think of how proud they will be and you will be when you move forward with your life. You can do this. You can be Brave.

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  10. #56
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    How are you feeling today?

    You were not in a good relationship. It was not good for you or your children and you know that. You know that this is the best thing possible for your future. BUT, I expect you will feel sad at the loss - the loss of something that could have been wonderful had he been a better man. Allow yourself to grieve what could have been even if it's just a few tears in the shower. You will need the release/relief.

  11. #57
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    I'm sorry to hear your marriage is now over.
    However I think it's great that he has made this decision for you, and given you a kickstart into the happier and safer life that you deserve.

    I know you are probably in a bit of shock, but some time today you need to read through some of this advice on what steps you need to take logistically, ie with the locks, Centrelink, Child support, banking etc etc. and start making some phone calls to get your new independent life started.

  12. #58
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    This is your get out of jail free card op. Take it and run. And never look back. He's given you the ticket to get away and it's on him which I know is important to you. You may not get another chance like this so take it before you spend another few years letting life slip by.

    I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years - no kids involved and not long like your marriage. I kept telling myself I'd leave. Sometimes I'd even try. But if I tried to leave he'd suck me back in again and I just wasn't strong enough to end it all. The ONLY reason I got out 7 years ago is because he left me. That was part of it for him - he couldn't let me end it and had to mentally mindf!@k me to get me back but then when he had someone else on the side he took the power and just ended it. I was devastated. All that emotional energy of being in such a destructive situation and then HE left ME?! But thank god. I would never have been strong enough to do it. Him leaving me like that was the biggest gift I've ever received. I'm now married to the most amazing man I've ever met and I was shocked in the beginning how well he treated me. I just wasn't used to it. I am used to it now and I love it. You can have a life again and be happy. There's far worse things than being on your own - including being with someone who is systematically destroying you. No matter how hard things get on your own they'll never be as hard as what you've been through. Believe that.

    Take the gift OP and get away. This ones on him you don't need to feel any guilt and he can't mindf@!k you to take him back. Stay strong xx

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  14. #59
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    This is what I suspect.

    He has decided to write you this letter just before his trip so he can be a sleazebag on his holiday and convince himself he's doing nothing wrong because he broke it off with you. Then, he will come back, spin a web of bull about how he wants to work on things. It is up to you to call his bluff and not put up with it.

    Have you called Centrelink or done anything yet to set the wheels in motion?

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  16. #60
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi ruffledpansy, he has done you the biggest favour he will ever do. Take this time and get yourself organised. I can understand you will be feeling shocked, and maybe sad, but you need to see this for what it is. It is now your time, your time to look after you, and your children, and don't waste one minute or one ounce of energy even thinking of him. hugs, marie.

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