You should write a list - maybe in a journal. It'll be a huge one. Make a list of the times where he has really hurt you, let you down, deceived you, made you feel worthless.
Use this list to motivate you to plan your exit strategy.
I'm not going to lecture you, because I think you should still feel comfortable to vent here. I just want to see you stand up for yourself.
You've become so used to living in this misery, but this is not living. You have been enduring life when you should be enjoying life. It's time to strive for better.
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02-03-2016 08:10 #21
02-03-2016 10:12 #22
He should have helped you. Whether you asked for help or not. It was obvious you needed it. I don't believe for one second this was a communication issue. It was obvious you were physically struggling. He refused to help you. I understand you were frustrated. I would be, too.
You still need to take into consideration how your relationship is affecting your kids, though. It hurts to hear your parents arguing. I agree with the others who have said to try and keep the peace until you are ready to leave. You don't need to be lovey dovey, just be civil. You have decided to stay until April. You need to do what's best for your kids in that time.
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02-03-2016 11:13 #23
I just hope april comes quickly for you. This not a good marriage by any stretch, it is little more than an ongoing fight. I feel so sad for you, and your children. Please focus on your escape, and don't attempt to find a 'decent' ounce in him. hugs, marie.
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02-03-2016 11:26 #24
Any decent human would have seen you struggling and helped. Unfortunately your husband doesnt fall under this category.
Keep coming here to vent or as pp suggested get a diary.
Unfortunately he is never going to change and be that man you want and need.
But great work on putting the desk together! I know i would have struggled doing it!
02-03-2016 11:36 #25
02-03-2016 11:49 #26
I know if I don't ask my DH for help when clearly it's needed he doesn't notice and needs a nudge.
It sounds like both of you have communication issues. Talk and ask him for help.
02-03-2016 11:55 #27Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I haven't read all your previous posts.. only this one so I can only comment on what I see is happening and what other people have said...
I agree with the fact you didn't ask for help. Sometimes at the end of a relationship we tend to bait the other half into screwing up. He should've offered to help you but didn't, you should've asked him to help you, but didn't. Two people created that situation not one. As for when you were there with the desk lying on top of you.. you openly admit when he came in to see what was going on you were rude/sarcastic to him. Of course he's going to react by telling you to get lost.
I also agree with cutting the crap in front of the kids. You're doing mental/emotional damage to them by being this way. You and your partner need to grow up and hide your resentment from each other in front of your kids. If you can't do that then you need to officially end the relationship. Mind you once it's ended again, you need to be civilised to your partner (ex) for the sake of your kids. From the sounds of things though that's probably not going to happen
Some people say that separating is hard on the kids and can screw them up... I actually disagree with that statement.. I think staying with someone when the relationship has ended and you can't be civil to one another can do a lot more damage.
Good luck... either way try and sort your crap out with your partner away from the kids.
02-03-2016 14:00 #28
Need to get this off my chest
Also agree.. If you didn't ask for help you can hardly blame him. Sorry.
Also really bad to do this in front on kids. So many people do it and I don't know why they can't see the affect it has on the children. Have you considered couples counselling?
02-03-2016 14:53 #29
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Wise Enough (02-03-2016)
02-03-2016 15:50 #30
Need to get this off my chest
As for the OP. Sounds like a pretty crap situation (I haven't seen your other posts so not sure of history) for all involved. I do think asking for help would be a good idea but he also should have offered when he saw you struggling. I'm a stubborn **** if I'm in a mood and would refuse the offer and do it myself anyway lol. Sounds like you guys either need professional help or to part ways. The kids don't need to be dragged into those situations as that's exactly what happened especially with his petty comment.
Last edited by Mod-Myztik; 02-03-2016 at 15:52.
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