you're a grown woman and you're coming on here spinning all these yarns about ifs and maybes and making all these empty plans.
people have put in time and energy and given you great advice and info about resources available to you.
I believe if you wanted to move on with your life, you would have already. people leave marriages and move on over much less.
I think you like to come on here to shoot the breeze and get vindicated for what you know is true, but when it comes to implementing anything, you stall and keep using these little plot twists (Easter plans and his sister, wtf!? who cares?) to keep spinning the wheels.
people are trying to help but you're not really helping yourself.
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Results 251 to 260 of 374
27-03-2016 16:51 #251
27-03-2016 16:53 #252
sorry that was a bit harsh I guess but come on. time to start doing and stop stalling! he's left you, it's over, what are you waiting for!?
27-03-2016 17:10 #253
RP I think most of us are frustrated as it seems like you're looking for any reason you can find to not follow through on your word to leave so that you can stay.
You are backpeddling now by saying the only way you'll 100% leave is if you can find proof he's cheated.
Luv....if you think he's not going to be screwing around behind your back with anyone who offers/that he pays for then you're deluded.
I think you're too scared to make a move...but letting fear hold you back is only damaging your children & yourself more.
I can understand if you feel overwhelmed & don't know what to do/where to start but plenty of pp's have basically guided you through the process. We can't physically do it for you.
Make no mistake that what you & your children are living in/with is Family Violence. This man is an A/Hole who will never change. I don't know why his abuse of you/children isn't enough to leave now you have this opportunity?? I don't know if the abuse is also physical but what's it going to take for you to leave??
Him hitting you/kids??...killing one of you?? What?? Believe me when I say he's counting on the fact that you'll be there when he gets back...all meek & mild, cowering in the metaphorical corner waiting for him because he thinks you don't have the guts to leave!! He's systematically dismantled your self esteem/worth over the years to get you right where he wants you.....under his control!!
FFS's Luv!! Wake up to yourself & get out while you can!!! There is help out there...Ask for it!! Utilise it!!
Find the strength & courage for yourself & your children to get rid of this toxic, abusive A/Hole once & for all so you can start building the life that you & your kids deserve!!
Don't waste anymore time!! Life is short.....
27-03-2016 17:13 #254
OP, did the article strike a chord with you?
27-03-2016 17:23 #255
Need to get this off my chest
27-03-2016 17:31 #256
Need to get this off my chest
It's very true about the children, they will call you to account for their childhoods one day. Truth is, they will probably blame you more than him. I think children naturally expect more from their mothers and in situations like yours will judge you harshly even if they are not open about it with you, especially when they are starting there own families.
Last edited by Mokeybear; 27-03-2016 at 17:34.
27-03-2016 17:31 #257
@LaDiDah makes a good point.
Your children have zero choice in the matter right now. However when they are old enough to make their own choices/leave then you risk being alienated from their lives not to mention the anger/bitterness they will feel toward you for not leaving & making them live in that situation.
Even worse they may end up finding partners who abuse them or become abusers themselves. That's what happens to most kids who come from Family Violence.
Not to mention the mental/emotional damage....depression/anxiety etc.
It's up to you RP....they are relying on you to do what a Mum's primary objective is.... to Protect & Nurture your children.
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 27-03-2016 at 18:23.
27-03-2016 17:35 #258
My father was an abuser. He hit my mum and then his subsequent girlfriends in his life. Although he never physically hit me (he knocked my brother out once), he talked down to me and spoke to me like I was an idiot, called us morons. Luckily my mum got the guts and walked away after 18 years, you can only suffer so much. Their split and divorce was so messy and 20 years later it still haunts me. It has had a negative impact on my life in the form of relationships. I have a lovely partner now, but not without its problems, usually caused by me, because of my childhood. I still go to councelling because I know that our relationship doesn't need such negativity.
If you don't value yourself, value your children. Trust me, I never want my kids to go through what I went through and what I saw. When I left my ex husband, it was very important that we seperate amicably for my children, and even if you can't do that, just walk away and take them with you.
27-03-2016 17:36 #259
I am going to try and say this in kindest way I can because I can see your in a very dark place and it all overwhelming.
You don't have a choice about staying or leaving. He has robbed you of that too.
He is gone. That a fact.
It's your job to protect those precious children and start picking up the pieces of their lives and finding a new way to put them together so they can thrive again.
Right now this limbo you are choosing for them is hurting them.
You need to put on your mumma bear cap on. Start to protect them and build a new life for them.
You can do this.
You are stronger than you think.
Even if you don't think you are. It's time to stand up and fake til you get there. You kids need the lioness to come out in you.
You don't have time to be the person that wants to crawl in the hole and die. I know it's hard. Because it is hard. But your a mother of kids that need you so climb out put on your war paint and get out and fight for them and for you.
You deserve better. They deserve better.
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27-03-2016 18:18 #260
I'm not trying to be rude or hurt you. I'm sorry if I have. I'm not going to enable you, though.
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