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  1. #11
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    Default Show me your rewards charts

    Quote Originally Posted by LaDiDah View Post
    You shouldn't be taking them away for bad behaviour. If they have earned a reward for good behaviour then their bad behaviour shouldn't take away from the fact that they showed the behaviour necessary to receive the reward. The 'punishment' for the bad behaviours should be unrelated to those for the good :-)
    Is the theory that they enjoy the positive attention from doing good things that they misbehave less? My issue with my DD is her bad behaviour or less than desirable behaviour, so rewarding good behaviour hasn't really stopped her bad behaviour, which is the issue I guess.

    Do you recommend another chart for bad behaviour? I always have consequences for bad behaviour but she never stops the bad ones, as the consequences don't bother her any more.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Is the theory that they enjoy the positive attention from doing good things that they misbehave less? My issue with my DD is her bad behaviour or less than desirable behaviour, so rewarding good behaviour hasn't really stopped her bad behaviour, which is the issue I guess.

    Do you recommend another chart for bad behaviour? I always have consequences for bad behaviour but she never stops the bad ones, as the consequences don't bother her any more.
    It can be good to think of all of her behaviour as represented by a pie chart - one slice of it is the bad behaviour and if you want that to decrease then you need the positive slice to increase to "take over" the space that is left, otherwise she can continue to fill it with the negative behaviour. Despite how clear positive vs negative behaviour may seem to us, the difference is not always clear to kids - they just see they are getting attention. So rewarding the positive also helps to teach them the difference.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to misstrouble For This Useful Post:

    A-Squared  (03-03-2016),LaDiDah  (06-03-2016)

  4. #13
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    Default Show me your rewards charts

    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Is the theory that they enjoy the positive attention from doing good things that they misbehave less? My issue with my DD is her bad behaviour or less than desirable behaviour, so rewarding good behaviour hasn't really stopped her bad behaviour, which is the issue I guess.

    Do you recommend another chart for bad behaviour? I always have consequences for bad behaviour but she never stops the bad ones, as the consequences don't bother her any more.
    Children are very basically attention seekers. They will get that attention in whichever way is easiest. If you don't tend to comment when she's playing nicely or doing the right thing but you immediately comment every time she does the wrong thing then she will quickly learn that to get attention she needs to something wrong. What sort of consequences are you using? I actually find that ignoring (as much as possible) the bad behaviour and just rewarding the good is a better way to get the results that you want. Sit down with her and make a list of all the things she loves doing with you (park, swimming, reading a story, cooking, zoo etc). Make up a chart with maybe 3 behaviours that you want to improve - rather than using negative words use positive ones - instead of 'stop shouting in the house' have 'use your quiet voice inside'. Every time you catch her doing one of the focused behaviours then give her a sticker etc for her chart - get her to go and get the stickers and put it on, gives a sense of ownership over the behaviour. Once she has enough stickers then she gets to choose from one of the activities you came up with together. Make sure the goals are obtainable. So if she never plays independently one of her goals could be 'play for 3 mins alone' - you could set up a timer so she knows exactly how long she has etc. This is all what I use at home and what I used in my classroom (preps) and it was successful for the few 'characters' I had in there! Frame your responses to her as choices. Eg "I'm really sad that you made the choice to...... Maybe you could choose to.... instead so you can get a sticker!" Again it puts the ownership of the behaviour on to her. A lot of misbehaviour comes from feeling like they don't have any 'power' so giving her a choice of 2 options in circumstances where maybe you wouldn't usually can also have a really positive effect. You get to choose the options (and makes sure you're ok with either of them!) but she feels like she's more in control in a positive way so she doesn't feel the need to act out to get that control.

    I hope this makes sense!

    ETA - if she starts screaming at you then either ignore or walk away. If you have previously given in then all she is learning is that if she screams enough she will get her way.
    Last edited by LaDiDah; 06-03-2016 at 19:38.


 

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