@Evelynmoo that's what I always thought too and maybe that's what the results will come back with and then we will know for sure but I guess, like you said, it could be good to know if it is chromosome related
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22-08-2016 17:39 #471
22-08-2016 18:39 #472Senior Member
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22-08-2016 20:55 #473
@Annerley I am so sorry. You know what.. The way I coped with my loss is that there is always someone worse off and I should be thankful. I now see that although I lived a few weeks of no-mans-land hell with not knowing if my pregnancy was viable, I was able to prepare myself and soften the blow by lowering my expectations. I really feel for you as you have been blind sighted so to speak. I hope this is coming across ok.. Its devastating.. Im just sorry. I dream about how we'd tell DS9 (bday yest). DH called shotgun on telling DS9. Sad now it wont happen.
Hope everyone is going well.
Ive had a brain snap and decided I was missing an outlet to shed my IVF pain. So what does a 39yr old do? She decides she needs to take up a new sport she has never played in her life. Yep, Im playing softball. I feel I need to swing a bat and hit something. So Im playing softball. My background is cricket & hockey, so it will be hilarious. Frosties are on hold while I have a midlife crisis apparently! My miscarriage lasted 3 days.. So another BT 2moro and scan end of week to make sure all was expelled. Its been a hell cycle but Ill survive..
22-08-2016 21:18 #474
@Billie2 I completely get what you are saying...
The result for me was a shock but not entirely, if that makes sense. When I had the ectopic, I immediately knew something was amiss, even before the second BT where the clinic wasn't hopeful. This time as much as I tried to be positive, I just couldn't be sure that we'd get the outcome we longed for. It's weird as its like I had a sixth sense, maybe someone was looking out for me and preparing my mind for the worst. I just couldn't relax and enjoy this pregnancy and felt so guilty given how carefree and excited I was when expecting DD. I was trying so hard to be positive and look at the fact that really everything was going perfectly and I had no reason to worry but I just couldn't shake this strange feeling. When I had my 6 week scan, my FS told me not to worry about anymore bloods, however Google tells me that the numbers probably would have lost momentum by now and may have even fallen- could have been a clue. I still have to take my progesterone until tomorrow morning, just to ensure a miscarriage doesn't happen on its own. It's crazy to think that a sac can go from measuring exact, to 3-4 weeks ahead within a space of 2.5weeks. If it didn't grow so quickly then I may have been able to try for a self resolve.
I have also been trying to remember that there's many much worse off than me, that's all we can do in these situations. This one is different to the ectopic as with that one we knew something wasn't right and had 3 frozen left. That one did seem scarier and the dragging on and limbo made it hard, at least there wasn't a limbo this time. It's hard to know we have no more frozen ones left. How did we get so lucky to get DD first go and have 4 seemingly perfect embryos spare to end up like this? I know that's just how it works though.
I completely understand your desire to give your DS a sibling. My DD loves babies so I'd give almost anything to see her with her own baby sibling. I'm thankful that she doesn't understand and we can simply stop saying baby and she won't ask any questions. Today I told her we were going to see the baby and she seemed excited and when the FS left the room to get the d&c paperwork, DD said mummy, baby, baby
Thanks for your softball news, it made me laugh at least on the inside. I hope it's the distraction you need.
Last edited by Annerley; 22-08-2016 at 21:22.
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22-08-2016 21:27 #475
23-08-2016 13:18 #476
Ive changed jobs in order to help myself with the stress of everything.
Good luck fr BT and scan, hope you are feeling a bit better, at least physically. @Annerley good luck for d&c tomorrow xoxo
Last edited by Evelynmoo; 23-08-2016 at 13:21.
23-08-2016 17:18 #477
23-08-2016 17:29 #478
@Annerley, I found my D&C much easier to deal with than my natural miscarriage. I had no pain afterwards & only a tiny bit of spotting. The hardest part was the sudden change in hormones - I thought I was dealing with it quite well but woke up in tears - I guess I needed to let it all out. We had the foetus tested & there were chromosomal abnormalities- I found that gave me some peace. I'm hoping it goes as well as it can & is uneventful.
@Billie2 glad to hear you're doing ok! I totally get your need - I joined the gym last week to get some time just for me & I'm really enjoying headphones on & running on the treadmill! Feeling more normal than I have in a long time - well the last 14 months anyway!
@Evelynmoo I hope you're feeling ok. When's your beta?
23-08-2016 19:17 #479
Thank you all so much for your support and kind words.
@Evelynmoo I've got my fingers crossed for you that this is your time xx
@Billie2 thanks, you made me cry
@sunny79 thanks I agree, I think like @Lovebubs77 said, the testing might give me the answers I need
@Lovebubs77 thanks so much for sharing, you have helped put my mind at ease. Most people seem to say that the d&c is only a little more than an egg collection. I'll just be happy to put this all behind me at this stage. I know the emotions will probably all come once all of the steps are over. At least with what you said about the chorosomal abnormalities, it answers the question about how these pregnancies can mean a baby is still there but just not healthy enough to develop.
As much as I'm not making any plans for now, it's too early, our initial plan at this stage is basically what we'd decided had we had a bfn this cycle and no frosties left. We've always planned for me to be a sahm for a few years and that was supposed to start as of a month ago if baby #2 had come from FET1. I've still been at work in case I need the mat leave benefits. Now if we decide to go back it will most likely be after a long break and who knows if at all. This means that we can put plans into action for me to be a sahm soon as me working now is just a bonus since I thought I'd be on mat leave by now. I have some annual leave saved so going to work til early December and have my annual leave take me to the end of the year and then spend my days enjoying DD before she heads off to school in a couple of years. We also want to do something nice next year, maybe a holiday or something. For now, that is my focus to get me through.
Can I also ask, has anyone ever seen their clinic's counsellor? I've been offered an appointment with the last 2 fets but always declined since we had hope. Wondering if I should give it ago as I'm assuming I'm going to have some tough emotions to deal with but not keen if it's just going to be me, pouring my heart out and crying to a stranger. I have a really supportive family so plenty of people to cry with me.
23-08-2016 21:33 #480
@Annerley and @Lovebubs77 my beta is on Friday but ive pretty much lost hope. The last 3 days the line was getting darker slowly but today its barely there. Got no symptoms at all, just feel completely normal.
Ive never been to a counsellor and never been offered. I am making the steps to see a professional though for my anxiety related to my heart condition. Im guessing the whole IVF journey will come into play.
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