Anyone else feel like this?

[Bond Girl]

I get so tense when I'm out with the kids, even if it's just playgroup and coffee afterwards with my youngest two (aged 2 and 11 weeks) I feel like my head is going to explode! Like my head, throat, everything just hurts and I seriously feel unwell. I deliberately try to stay calm and chilled when I'm out to avoid it. I try not to overdo it and not engage in every conversation friends are having. Even when the kids are well behaved, the same thing happens.

Does anybody else get this? Maybe I'm just unconsciously tense. Plus I don't always have time to eat anything! I love socialising, hate staying home, but it certainly would be easier at times!!!

[RedCreamingSoda]

Yes I can relate.

I have a baby and a two year old. It is hard. I am never relaxed. Never. I am trying to watch them both. Keep them clean (ish). Feed them. Make sure they are not hurting anyone. Listen to what my friends are saying. Make sure I don't look like I am completely losing my ****. I am losing my ****. I honestly feel like the responsibility to keep them both alive is just so bloody overwhelming. I am also very conscious that I don't want to be 'that' mum with the naughty/undisciplined toddler and the unsupervised baby that's eating poo off the floor. In reality my kids are great kids but I just can't be in two places at once. So yeah I think my body is physically wound pretty tight just trying to keep on top of the responsibility that is two children. Like you, I do want to go out. I think I enjoy it. But even when I am with people I like, doing nice things I still feel my heart racing and I leave feeling shattered. I think it sounds like we are feeling a similar thing. I have no advice about what to do about it. Good luck. X

[Bond Girl]

Thank you. Definitely sounds similar.... heart racing, feeling shattered.

My friends are great, they are so helpful if I need a hand with one of the kids when I'm out. But even if one is holding the baby for me, I'm thinking "is she settled, how long for, will they think she's grumpy if she cries, will they think she doesn't like them, etc etc". I can't just relax and be grateful for them holding the baby. Even though I am very grateful.

And this is when my oldest child is at school! When he's not I've got him needing things too.

I definitely feel the pressure of appearances and not wanting to look like crap, or have my kids look untidy.

Now in home I'm consciously trying to relax, take deep breaths, and calm down. Before the school run!!!

[Jontu]

When my kids were younger I definitely felt stressed especially when we were out. I didn't get the physical symptoms you mentioned but did feel like I couldn't relax. My dd was very needy though.

[Mod-Degrassi]

I feel like this all the time when I'm out with DS, but I put it down to the fact that DS is high maintenance due to ASD (he has no sense of danger, thinks running off is funny, struggles to sit still, tries to assert his own agenda).

There's no way I can relax properly when he needs such vigilant supervision.

[smallpotatoes]

Yep, particularly eating an non child friendly places with friends without kids and going to the shopping centre with both by myself l

[ciaomamma]

I think I was mildly feeling like that when my kids were that age, I was more worried about keeping them clean and on a schedule and 'appearing' to have the most well behaved children on the planet I was missing out on enjoying my friends and kids.
Now I have two toddlers it's either easier or ice reached the 'I don't give a s****" level lol!
Kids are kids things will happen all you can do is to be as prepared as possible and don't give a darn if people give you the stink eye ... You won't remember that in 10 years but you might remember the awesome fun you had that day!

[misho]

Yep!

With there were 3 kids under 4.5 it just stressed me out so much.


It got to a point where I just decided to go with the flow and not freak out so much. So (much to my mothers shock lol), I started to pick my battles a lot. If the kids weren't standing right beside me but were 10m ahead of me but in sight, who cares? Just stuff like that.

I just realised I didn't like who I was becoming, constantly screaming for menial stuff.

Now most of the time, going out on my own with 3 under 6 isn't too bad 😊

[RedCreamingSoda]

Sorry to take over your tread OP but I wonder if you will also feel the same as me in this reply......

While I appreciate the suggestion to be more relaxed and go with the flow, this just doesn't help for me. On the outside I look like I AM going with the flow. It's not the physical stuff that really is the problem. Like I know logically that my toddler having a tantrum is not really a big deal and nobody else minds..... I know all that but I still find my body is just so tense. It's a feeling that I can't shake. The easiest thing to describe is that my heart is racing but it's a whole body thing. Even when I'm with good friends and I know everything is fine. I wonder if I'm like a mummy deer in constant fight/flight mode just in case a tiger is hiding around the corner. Even tho I know it is not.

Meh, I don't know. All I really know OP is that being a mother is hard. Really really hard. I also think that everything you are feeling has been felt by other mothers before you. For what it's worth I bet you are doing an awesome job! X

[ciaomamma]

Sorry to take over your tread OP but I wonder if you will also feel the same as me in this reply......

While I appreciate the suggestion to be more relaxed and go with the flow, this just doesn't help for me. On the outside I look like I AM going with the flow. It's not the physical stuff that really is the problem. Like I know logically that my toddler having a tantrum is not really a big deal and nobody else minds..... I know all that but I still find my body is just so tense. It's a feeling that I can't shake. The easiest thing to describe is that my heart is racing but it's a whole body thing. Even when I'm with good friends and I know everything is fine. I wonder if I'm like a mummy deer in constant fight/flight mode just in case a tiger is hiding around the corner. Even tho I know it is not.

Meh, I don't know. All I really know OP is that being a mother is hard. Really really hard. I also think that everything you are feeling has been felt by other mothers before you. For what it's worth I bet you are doing an awesome job! X

My tense up was my neck, I would stiffen my neck up so much I'd get a headache and my shoulders would hurt, my teeth would clench and I'd go into a fuzzy mind state where I couldn't even concentrate on a conversation... I just started to make a conscious effort to relax my body and think positive thought, actually repeating sentences in my head that would relax me.