Not very important at the moment but I do want to get married. We actually just had a pretty big engagement party last night which we went all out on and wedding is not on the books for a very long time. We are TTC have bought a house together have joint account etc but agreed we probably don't want to get married until after we have finished having kids and they could be at our wedding.
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24-01-2016 08:06 #51
24-01-2016 08:08 #52Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2015
I still don't feel I need to be married to prove I want to be with my partner forever.
I prove it to him with my actions everyday!
Lesbian and gay couples prove it to each other everyday and have done for years because they're not 'allowed' to get married.
Being in a committed relationship is a choice whether you're married or not.
You choose to be with that person everyday.
Just like I chose to be with my exdh until I realized it wasn't healthy for me to be with him anymore.
I'm pro marriage if it suits the couple. I just don't think it's a necessary act to prove any higher level of love or commitment.
24-01-2016 08:39 #53Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
I have had a very successful marriage of many years that very sadly due to infertility ended. But it was a beautiful time and of course to a degree wish it was different
But I am now in a wonderful commited, strong, happy defacto relationship who are undergoing Ivf to start a family. (Something I had closed myself off to for ever trying again)
I never believed I would have children out of wed lock, but my partner knows how important marriage is, BUT through my past experience I also know it's a piece of paper and it doesn't make us any less of a couple
So post Ivf when I can get my body bck and my children/child can attend is when we will get married.
24-01-2016 08:40 #54
24-01-2016 09:24 #55Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
Dh and I got married when our DD was 15 months old and I was 6 weeks preg with our son.
I always knew we would get married at some point but we had made a commitment to each other long before we got married. Kids are way more of a commitment that marriage. We always knew we would get married when WE were ready. We had a lot of pressure from family to get married before DD was born but I'm so glad we didn't.
Nothing really changed when we got married we were already a family, the biggest thing to change for me was I got to have the same last name as the rest of my family hehehehe. We already had kids, joint bank accounts etc etc.
I think a lot of people get held up on the wedding...theres sooooo much more to a marriage than a wedding, though having said that both DH and I wanted to get up in front of our family and friends and say the words.
There is also a legal aspect of marriage, as in what would happen if something were to happen to on of you? What would happen to the kids/money/house etc?
24-01-2016 10:28 #56
I really appreciate everyone's replies. From both sides here it's great to read. I am not religious so it's not for that reason. I have to go back and find the few people I seen that hit the nail on the head of exactly how it feels! I can't remember who said it lol
So I'll add a bit more.. I'm really confused now about what Dp wants. One minute he says he can't wait to see me walk down the aisle, he says he will probably get emotional and all that and he apparently can't wait to call me his wife and other things but then he says but in 6 months I could change my mind and not want to get married.
What am I ment to make of that?? It's bloody confusing!!!
Someone did ask about whether he would do it just for what I want and I don't think he would. He's very stubborn. I asked if we weren't to get married would he have a problem with me changing my name (so it's the same as DS mainly) and he said he wasn't 100% sure. So I do feel it's just me.
He has said that he worries about what might happen, mainly because well his parents and mine are divorced but to me that's not really something to consider?
I will reply more soon. Very cranky DS.
24-01-2016 10:47 #57
So what if your own parents got divorced or had a crappy marriage, it doesn't mean that all of their offspring will as well! Anyway I digress, I think it's just a bad excuse - a cop out. She was one of my friends who ended the relationship due to lack of commitment.
If I'm honest, it sounds like the same is happening to you. The chopping and changing of his mind,...? It sounds like he's playing mind games with you.
I can understand someone single saying they could take or leave marriage as something for them given they're not with someone and are unsure if it's right for them as a couple, but when you're in a relationship I truly believe you either want to marry that person or you don't, it's more of a matter of when it's right. I hope that makes sense.
24-01-2016 11:24 #58
How important is marriage to you?
Last edited by BigRedV; 24-01-2016 at 11:27.
24-01-2016 11:27 #59
If I was you I would have a serious talk with him, explain what it means to you and how important it is. If he still refuses to get married then you have to figure out if your can live like that.
Oh and the "my parents got divorced" bit is the biggest load of crap ever. Nice excuse I'm pretty sure every guy who doesn't want to get married has used that one.
24-01-2016 11:31 #60Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
I would be confused about the comment made around changing your surname...??!! What's that about? If he doesnt want to get married and doesn't want you having the same last name, I would be asking some serious questions about 'where is this going'. ..
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