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  1. #51
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    Not very important at the moment but I do want to get married. We actually just had a pretty big engagement party last night which we went all out on and wedding is not on the books for a very long time. We are TTC have bought a house together have joint account etc but agreed we probably don't want to get married until after we have finished having kids and they could be at our wedding.

  2. #52
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    I still don't feel I need to be married to prove I want to be with my partner forever.
    I prove it to him with my actions everyday!
    Lesbian and gay couples prove it to each other everyday and have done for years because they're not 'allowed' to get married.

    Being in a committed relationship is a choice whether you're married or not.
    You choose to be with that person everyday.
    Just like I chose to be with my exdh until I realized it wasn't healthy for me to be with him anymore.

    I'm pro marriage if it suits the couple. I just don't think it's a necessary act to prove any higher level of love or commitment.

  3. #53
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    Extremely

    I have had a very successful marriage of many years that very sadly due to infertility ended. But it was a beautiful time and of course to a degree wish it was different

    But I am now in a wonderful commited, strong, happy defacto relationship who are undergoing Ivf to start a family. (Something I had closed myself off to for ever trying again)

    I never believed I would have children out of wed lock, but my partner knows how important marriage is, BUT through my past experience I also know it's a piece of paper and it doesn't make us any less of a couple
    So post Ivf when I can get my body bck and my children/child can attend is when we will get married.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    Regardless of what my views on marriage are, if there is something we can do for our life partner that doesn't cause us personal trauma or harm, but will make them happy, we do it don't we?
    This!!!

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  6. #55
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    Dh and I got married when our DD was 15 months old and I was 6 weeks preg with our son.

    I always knew we would get married at some point but we had made a commitment to each other long before we got married. Kids are way more of a commitment that marriage. We always knew we would get married when WE were ready. We had a lot of pressure from family to get married before DD was born but I'm so glad we didn't.

    Nothing really changed when we got married we were already a family, the biggest thing to change for me was I got to have the same last name as the rest of my family hehehehe. We already had kids, joint bank accounts etc etc.

    I think a lot of people get held up on the wedding...theres sooooo much more to a marriage than a wedding, though having said that both DH and I wanted to get up in front of our family and friends and say the words.

    There is also a legal aspect of marriage, as in what would happen if something were to happen to on of you? What would happen to the kids/money/house etc?

  7. #56
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    I really appreciate everyone's replies. From both sides here it's great to read. I am not religious so it's not for that reason. I have to go back and find the few people I seen that hit the nail on the head of exactly how it feels! I can't remember who said it lol


    So I'll add a bit more.. I'm really confused now about what Dp wants. One minute he says he can't wait to see me walk down the aisle, he says he will probably get emotional and all that and he apparently can't wait to call me his wife and other things but then he says but in 6 months I could change my mind and not want to get married.
    What am I ment to make of that?? It's bloody confusing!!!

    Someone did ask about whether he would do it just for what I want and I don't think he would. He's very stubborn. I asked if we weren't to get married would he have a problem with me changing my name (so it's the same as DS mainly) and he said he wasn't 100% sure. So I do feel it's just me.
    He has said that he worries about what might happen, mainly because well his parents and mine are divorced but to me that's not really something to consider?

    I will reply more soon. Very cranky DS.

  8. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hasselhoff View Post

    Someone did ask about whether he would do it just for what I want and I
    He has said that he worries about what might happen, mainly because well his parents and mine are divorced but to me that's not really something to consider?
    A friend of mine had a boyfriend who used to say the same. I always thought it was a pathetic excuse.

    So what if your own parents got divorced or had a crappy marriage, it doesn't mean that all of their offspring will as well! Anyway I digress, I think it's just a bad excuse - a cop out. She was one of my friends who ended the relationship due to lack of commitment.

    If I'm honest, it sounds like the same is happening to you. The chopping and changing of his mind,...? It sounds like he's playing mind games with you.

    I can understand someone single saying they could take or leave marriage as something for them given they're not with someone and are unsure if it's right for them as a couple, but when you're in a relationship I truly believe you either want to marry that person or you don't, it's more of a matter of when it's right. I hope that makes sense.

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  10. #58
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    Default How important is marriage to you?

    Quote Originally Posted by noonoo14 View Post
    It's important to the point where I can't understand any argument against it. Why are they not willing to make a commitment? If one partner wants to get married and it doesn't really matter to the other, why would they not be willing to do it for the partner that did?

    If my husband refused to marry me, I'd have left him because I'd have known that we weren't meant to be.

    This applies even to 2nd marriages. You can make the commitment again. I understand that sometimes things go wrong, but it's important that you start the relationship on the right foot and with the right mind set. Not I don't want to get married because we might break up.

    How about I believe we'll be together forever. Here I'll show you...
    I believed we would be together forever because we made a choice to have children, not put a ring on.

    We were both committed long before we bought a house and had children. Marriage came after both of these.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 24-01-2016 at 12:27.

  11. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hasselhoff View Post
    I really appreciate everyone's replies. From both sides here it's great to read. I am not religious so it's not for that reason. I have to go back and find the few people I seen that hit the nail on the head of exactly how it feels! I can't remember who said it lol


    So I'll add a bit more.. I'm really confused now about what Dp wants. One minute he says he can't wait to see me walk down the aisle, he says he will probably get emotional and all that and he apparently can't wait to call me his wife and other things but then he says but in 6 months I could change my mind and not want to get married.
    What am I ment to make of that?? It's bloody confusing!!!

    Someone did ask about whether he would do it just for what I want and I don't think he would. He's very stubborn. I asked if we weren't to get married would he have a problem with me changing my name (so it's the same as DS mainly) and he said he wasn't 100% sure. So I do feel it's just me.
    He has said that he worries about what might happen, mainly because well his parents and mine are divorced but to me that's not really something to consider?

    I will reply more soon. Very cranky DS.
    See this is very different because this guy is pretty much saying he isn't sure about you. That's how I would take it. If someone doesn't care about marriage because its a paper to them then that's fine but if it means a lot to you then just do it for your partner. That's if you intend on being with that person for the long run.
    If I was you I would have a serious talk with him, explain what it means to you and how important it is. If he still refuses to get married then you have to figure out if your can live like that.
    Oh and the "my parents got divorced" bit is the biggest load of crap ever. Nice excuse I'm pretty sure every guy who doesn't want to get married has used that one.

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  13. #60
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    I would be confused about the comment made around changing your surname...??!! What's that about? If he doesnt want to get married and doesn't want you having the same last name, I would be asking some serious questions about 'where is this going'. ..

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