Marriage was not as important to me as I thought. I am not anymore committed to my husband since we got married than I was before.
My preference towards marriage was more about wanting the same surname as my child.
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23-01-2016 23:06 #41
23-01-2016 23:07 #42
I don't know why but marriage just has never been high on my list. It probably has something to do with my upbringing, my parents divorced when I was little and mum went on to marry a man I was kind of terrified of. I guess the marriages I saw didn't really sell the idea to me.
DP has been married and divorced before, which shouldn't bother me but it does take the shine off the idea a bit too.
I think DP would probably like us to get married but I've made it clear that right now my priority is saving for a house. I just couldn't justify the expense of a wedding when I'm not that into the idea at this point anyway. Don't get me wrong though, I'm totally committed to DP.
23-01-2016 23:16 #43Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
About five years ago, DF and I had been living together for a couple of years and we had just bought a place together. We must have been talking about marriage, because my sister said to me "Don't you want the security of marriage?"..... Um, I've got a half million dollar mortgage with this guy, I think that's a bit more secure than Marriage!!
However in saying that, I do think it is important to me, just at that time, we were already doing a big thing in buying a house together. I think getting married is pretty important to DF as well, and his family. He has a big family so I don't think we'll be able to make it terribly small.
I've been married before, when I was in my 20's, so I wasn't in a huge rush to do it again. At that time, like a PP has mentioned; I refused to change my name as I felt very strongly about my identity. I never referred to exDH as my husband, EVER.
Now, DF and I have been together 9 years. We've been engaged for 4 and have an almost 4yo DS and a DD arriving in a few weeks. I call him my Husband, and even my (fairly traditional) family do too. I wear an engagement ring that he made, so that is pretty special to me (or at least do wear when I'm not pregnant!).
We wanted to get married about 4 years ago, and it was all about showing the people who are important to us, how we feel about each other. I found out I was pregnant with DS just as we got engaged, so we put the wedding off. Over the last 18 months we've gone through alot together and have each done alot of personal development. I'd love to get married in October but........ I haven't anything about that yet!
Last edited by BluePixie; 23-01-2016 at 23:19. Reason: adding
24-01-2016 00:06 #44
I tell dh every time it comes up that I will marry him if he wants to.. He always says 'I don't want you to because I want you to.. I want you to because you also want to'. I figure he can't want it that badly as it rarely comes up in conversation.
24-01-2016 01:03 #45
Marriage was always very important to me. I understand that it's not as important to other people (and why) but it was definitely a must for me.
DH & I had always talked about getting married but after waiting for 5 years I eventually told him that I would need it from him, because he knew it was important to me, and if what is important to me was not important to him, then I felt as though I was wasting my time, and 5 years was long enough.
He'd already bought the ring and was planning to propose when I tearfully blew my top about it, and I got even more upset when he appeared to be laughing at me! It all made sense the next night when he popped the question though 😆
24-01-2016 01:32 #46
I was brought up In a religious home, and that's probably the reason I believe in marriage. It was important to me and hubby knew that.
Hubby didnt care so much about marriage and was burned by his own parents relationship.
That said until I met hubby I would have said it was a deal breaker it someone expressed to me they didn't want to get married. With hubby I knew he was committed to me, and trusted that if we never got married I would never miss out on all the things I wanted marriage for. It was never going to be a deal breaker in this relationship so I never pushed it. He changed my perspective on it.. Eventually he got to a point where he wanted to, probably because he knew what it meant to me!
We eloped, it was about the marriage and commitment to eachother not about the wedding to me.
24-01-2016 06:14 #47Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
Is your partner willing to get married for you?
I could not pretend to be in to the whole wedding thing, and my DH knows that if it wasn't for him I would happily not be married. I got married because it was something he wanted.
If I was on my own again I would be telling a future partner that under no circumstances do I want a wedding. It would be registry office style only, so the money could go towards better things.
It'shard to explain. A wedding feels quite literally just like a big party to me, and I'd be upset if my DH told me he wanted to be married because otherwise he would feel like I wasn't choosing to be committed to him. In my eyes, I confirm I choose to be with him through everything else...the day we moved in together, the day we bought a house, the day we decided to share a last name to unite as one family, each time we chose to bring a child in to the world together, every time I make sacrifices to support him through his career choices...these things have so much more meaning to them, and prove my commitment to him so much more than our wedding did in my eyes. I wonder if this is how your partner feels?
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24-01-2016 07:02 #48
It's not important to me at all.
To me it's just a piece of paper. Our commitment to each other isn't going to change because of some vows. We are completely in love and that's commitment enough to us.
In saying that DF did recently propose after 8 years. It won't be a giant fluffy white wedding, it will be a party.
I am more excited about the party than getting married!
24-01-2016 07:40 #49
When I split from XH I didn't want to bother with marriage again - so many other things are a bigger commitment and IMO it's just a piece of paper. Proof in point, since XH and I sold the house prior to split and never had kids I have not spoken to/heard from him in almost 10 years.
When DH and I started to get serious he made it pretty clear that marriage was important to him. He's very sentimental and romantic deep down. I knew I want to be with him forever and realised that to make that happen I would need to marry him. Regardless of what my views on marriage are, if there is something we can do for our life partner that doesn't cause us personal trauma or harm, but will make them happy, we do it don't we?
My first wedding was full of compromise and I had lots of "I should have spent more on. ." or "I shouldn't have listened to MIL about..." feelings. So for my second wedding I made sure everything was perfect!
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24-01-2016 08:02 #50Junior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2015
It's important to the point where I can't understand any argument against it. Why are they not willing to make a commitment? If one partner wants to get married and it doesn't really matter to the other, why would they not be willing to do it for the partner that did?
If my husband refused to marry me, I'd have left him because I'd have known that we weren't meant to be.
This applies even to 2nd marriages. You can make the commitment again. I understand that sometimes things go wrong, but it's important that you start the relationship on the right foot and with the right mind set. Not I don't want to get married because we might break up.
How about I believe we'll be together forever. Here I'll show you...
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