So.. Just wondering what you feeling on marriage is.
Dp and I have been together nearly 7 years.. I always thought we were on the same page when it comes to marriage but apparently not. I've realised how upset I am about it.
So I feel marriage is extremely important. I feel it's a huge commitment.
How do U feel about marriage? Is it important to u?
How can I explain it to my Dp and either understand why he feels this way and accept it or get him to understand how I feel?
Please go easy.
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23-01-2016 17:57 #1
How important is marriage to you?
23-01-2016 18:03 #2
Marriage for me is very important. Without it I wouldn't have agreed to children, home ownership, joint accounts etc.
As a defence spouse it was even more important for me as I'm dragged all over the place and I wanted commitment from dh before I agreed to it.
I'm not saying that de facto are not as committed at all. I'm saying that it is a deal breaker for me.
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23-01-2016 18:04 #3
Extremely important to me. We are christian and very old fashioned. We wouldn't live together before we got married.
To us its a life long thing. It's a We will work through the rough times to get to the good times.
I wish I had a magic wand or special words of advice to offer you.
Just keep telling him how you feel about it. That it is important to you.
23-01-2016 18:06 #4
I think marriage is important, however having kids is a bigger commitment.
You can get out of a marriage through divorce, but will be forever joined if you have kids together.
I'm divorced and not particularly interested in a second marriage, however if I was in a long term relationship and had not been married before it would be very important to me.
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23-01-2016 18:07 #5
I've been married and now divorced but my DP isn't into getting married. He told me he'd get married if I wanted to but I know it's not what he wants...I get down sometimes about it because I think it is because I'm not worth it...however at the end of the day it doesn't prove he's any more committed. My DP and I are expecting our first baby together ( i have two children from my previous marriage). I know he loves me and would never hurt me.
It doesn't mean he loves you any less. Maybe just ask him for his reasons.
23-01-2016 18:07 #6
I've been with DP 11 years and we never plan on getting married. I don't see marriage as a commitment at all and neither does DP. Both our parents' marriages were absolute jokes and we've known too many couples who have crapped all over their vows. It's a legal contract, nothing more to me.
I do understand why it can mean a lot to someone. Because to that someone it's symbolic. And it does mean commitment to them. Has your DP told you why he doesn't want to get married? Sometimes it's a matter of not being with the One, sometimes it's viewing marriage as a load of, well, you know.
I think it's really important to work this out, though because it can breed resentment.
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23-01-2016 18:13 #7-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Marriage is not necessarily that important to me.
Marriage is not necessarily a make or break sign of how committed you are. Plenty of people have long term relationships with their spouses, get houses and cars together, have kids etc.
Perhaps I feel this way as I'm a very scientific/evidence based person. I am not religious, I do not stand by tradition simply for traditions sake.
That being said I an married (after a very long 'courtship'). I didn't change my surname - because I didn't believe in that tradition.
Not wanting to marry is only a problem *if* it's a reflection of commitment rather than a difference in traditions and belief systems.
My only suggestions : talk to your partner however depending on what he says don't push it. If your hubby is young (pre 30) don't push it. Maybe in a few years and with a bit more life experience he will grow into the idea (like moi).
23-01-2016 18:19 #8
I was 37 when my husband and I started dating. He had been married previously, but I made it clear very early on that I wanted marriage in my life and wouldn't accept any less.
To me, it was the declaration that mattered. I wanted him to stand up in front of all of my friends and family and promise to do the right thing by me. It was not so much the commitment, but the accountability!
Yes, it was just a bit of paper, and after we married nothing really changed as we were already living together. But the fact that he asked my Father's permission, stood up in front of my nearest and dearest and vowed to love me forever - well, that mattered to me.
23-01-2016 18:22 #9
Wasn't important to me. I knew he was/is committed and I would've been happy with how things were with buying our house and having our children but marriage was important to my husband.
It was more important for him to get married than it was for me to not get married iykwim.
So we got married. It was very small and cheap.
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23-01-2016 18:23 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
How important is marriage to you?
Not important at all. But then again being same sex I wouldn't be allowed anyway so lucky really. The big commitment was going through IVF and starting a family together. To me that's how we've shown each other the most love.
Edit to add that the right to get married is extremely important to me and it affects me deeply that we aren't allowed But that's a whole other thread
Last edited by A&S; 23-01-2016 at 18:27.
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