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  1. #41
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    @RuffledPansy I mean this with the kindest of hearts but I think you should seek professional help with these decisions. Something is clearly not right in your marriage if your husband says if you leave him he'd be better off because he could go to bars. The fact your eldest 3 want nothing to do with him.

    These are alarm bells. You're worried about how you'd survive without him. That's normal. With the right support and help you will be ok.

    One of the happiest things I remember from my family law days was watching women come in for help with divorces who were miserable and depressed transform into strong confident single women (with a lot of help on the way through) once they came to realise how much better they were without their spouses.

    No one on the Internet can tell you what to do. Please take the steps to get some professional help so even if you decide to stay you do so on terms you can live with.

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  3. #42
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    That's just it if I stay I know it will be on his terms always has ...if I rock the boat and question anything he will walk ...to a certain extent I struggle thinking that if I complain then I'm ripping my children's family apart ...

  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    That's just it if I stay I know it will be on his terms always has ...if I rock the boat and question anything he will walk ...to a certain extent I struggle thinking that if I complain then I'm ripping my children's family apart ...
    This is why I strongly suggest some professional help.

  5. #44
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    Honey, you will come through the separation much stronger, confident and happy. I've been there, I know how terrifying it is making that step. Please don't stress about your kids not coping, they will most likely flourish being out of that environment. It's a big step and decision to make and only you can make it. Thinking of you and sending you strength, confidence and love xxxx

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  7. #45
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    How do you see the future going if you stay?

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    Sent you a message. xo

  9. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    I really really struggle sometimes asking myself will I be better off truly ....or will I make it worse...
    Big hugs, what a horrible situation he has put you in!

    I know it probably sounds tacky but can you write a list of pros and cons about staying or leaving? My advice when doing this is please don't have 'messing up my kids family' as a con of leaving. Yes it won't be the same, but in a good way as your kids won't be in a toxic environment anymore, that's nothing but a good thing.

    Good luck in your decision making, I hope you start to see a light at the end of the tunnel and bit by bit you can muddle through the process until you're in a place of happiness.


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    Quote Originally Posted by RuffledPansy View Post
    That's just it if I stay I know it will be on his terms always has ...if I rock the boat and question anything he will walk ...to a certain extent I struggle thinking that if I complain then I'm ripping my children's family apart ...
    this is exactly how I felt when my ex walked,
    It didnt, we thrived.
    he is still drowning, still bitter, still angry.
    he still does not acknowledge his flaws and issues and the abusive behaviour he put on me.

    I thrived, took me a while but once I found my wings I thrived, I am studying and will be working in a career I adore by the time my children grow much older, we are thriving as a happy family unit, things are hard sometimes but much easier without his behavior in my life

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  12. #49
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    I am at my worst atm and no idea how to get thru it. Literally all went downhill from about a week after i got married.

    Ive been living this life for over 3 yrs now and im a bitter person. No idea how to get thru it or fix it.
    Only good thing is ive thrived in my mummy role

    I also have zero family support and next to zero friend support now.

  13. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustUsFive View Post
    I am at my worst atm and no idea how to get thru it. Literally all went downhill from about a week after i got married.

    Ive been living this life for over 3 yrs now and im a bitter person. No idea how to get thru it or fix it.
    Only good thing is ive thrived in my mummy role

    I also have zero family support and next to zero friend support now.
    I know how you feel ...
    It all seems just too daunting. ..I'm so lost and alone ....


 

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