Sigh. So, DH was sort of part of a 'group' of friends when I met him. I have never been a 'group' type person, I enjoy catching up with other couples or one on one with friends, but not groups. However, I made sure we still caught up with this group for several years so DH didn't miss out on seeing them. Over the last year or so, he's decided he's not really keen to continue to associate with them either so we've really backed off.
One of the girls in particular is a nasty piece of work. I've been very nice to her, despite her attempting to get DH to stop seeing me when we first met, asking all the other girls in the group not to speak to me and her saying some really rude and inappropriate things to us both over the years. She's 10 years younger than me (as is this entire group) so I've continued to just write her behaviour off as her being young. Over the last couple of years, she suddenly decided for some reason that she thought I was great. She was TTC and knows we are too, so decided we could have that in common. I was lovely to her about it and continued to treat her as a friend for DH's sake.
She continued to say some really terrible things to me (she seems to have no tact and no filter and either doesn't realise it, or doesn't care). Recently she said something to DH and I that was really the final straw. I didn't say anything to her about it at the time, because I'm not one to have some sort of confrontation with 'friends' over stuff like that, I'm happy to just let the friendship drift away. Many friends I've had over the years were friendships that, for want of a better description, served a purpose at that time (I mean we had something in common then, or were in the same place in life) and then, as time went on, we went in different directions. No big deal, I've never tried to chase after a friend like that, we just become acquaintances, and to me, that's just how friendships work.
So, once DH and I decided we didn't really want to continue with the friendship with her and her DH, we started doing what I usually do - don't initiate any contact, decline every single invitation they send us and don't suggest any alternative arrangements and, if we need to respond to any messages at all, be polite but short and to the point without continuing the conversation. I would assume at that point that the person would either A) just let the friendship drift off or B) if they really wanted it to continue, ask if there was a problem. But that's not what's happened. She just acts like everything is fine. We get about 15 invitations from them a month. She constantly messages me asking if we can catch up. I have even tried just not responding at all, but to no avail!
She is now pregnant and I'm quite sure she thinks I am avoiding her because I'm jealous (we're TTC and about to start IVF), but that's not the case.
I know the grown up thing to do would be to just tell her we're not interested in catching up and that she offended us really badly for the last time when we saw them last. I actually don't really have a problem with doing that, but I'm keeping that as an absolute last resort because I don't have the energy to put into some sort of ridiculous friend war - nor do I want my DH to have to deal with the fallout from her DH. I was hoping she'd just get the message, drift away into an acquaintance and, if we happened to go to a function this group was at, we'd be able to just smile and say hello and go about our lives.
Is there anything else, other than being completely direct with her, that I can do?
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Results 1 to 10 of 43
13-01-2016 18:26 #1
How to deal with someone who wont just let go of the friendship?
13-01-2016 18:33 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
Get DH to say something to her DH ? Is the only thing I can think of doing ?
13-01-2016 18:39 #3
Just keep doing what you're doing, because when she has the baby the invitations will stop. You will fall off her radar completely. Everyone without kids will. Even those with kids are probably gone too.
13-01-2016 18:43 #4
Aha, I didn't think of that Wise Enough That is very true! So if I can just keep avoiding the situation for the next 4 months I'll be free!!
@4LeafClover Unfortunately her DH used to be DH's best friend and DH (in usual man fashion) is not fantastic at confrontation - even though he doesn't want to hang out with him anymore, his method is to hide under a rock and pretend none of them exist. I might just join him under that rock
13-01-2016 18:47 #5
Even less, in those last few weeks you don't want to see anyone! And at any group catch ups wear something super form fitting and talk about how amazing your new fitness routine is. She will not want to be around you 😄
13-01-2016 19:10 #6
13-01-2016 19:40 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Unfriend her on FB. Isn't that how it's done these days
13-01-2016 19:41 #8
13-01-2016 19:53 #9
Block their numbers on your phones 😉 then if you see them .... "I haven't gotten any messages from you? What are you talking about?"
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13-01-2016 20:20 #10-
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Just tell her the truth. It will hopefully help her become a better friend to other people in the future.
As someone who was given the "if i ignore them then hopefully they'll just fall of the radar" treatment, and didn't quite get the message all that quickly - I would have had 100% preferred to be told "hey when you do/say xyz I actually find it quite rude/annoying/offensive and would like to have some time apart" as opposed to me initially wondering what was on going and then later on wondering what I did wrong.
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