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  1. #11
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    Can you hire a cleaner to get the basics done every week so you can concentrate on the big picture stuff?

    One method I have heard of, but not tried myself, is to:

    Pick a room and forget about the rest of the house.
    Pull everything out of every cupboard in that room
    Put back in cupboards only the stuff you want to keep, everything else gets put in a different room / location to be dealt with later.
    Be ruthless!
    Keep on going until you finish that room.
    Close off room.
    Deal with everything you took out of the first room ie donate or throw.
    Repeat with another room
    Keep on going until you finish the house. It may take days to do each room and months to finish the house, but you will get there.

    When you get to rooms such as the kitchen / bathroom / lounge room, just go cupboard by cupboard.

  2. #12
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    We have zero kids so I can only imagine how you feel... And huge hugs to you.

    but: for all it's worth all my partners exes and his mother are amazed at the things he does for me. It's not magic - it's chalkboard paint on the back of the entrance door. I write down all the things that need to be done. Sometimes initials next to it. That way he sees why I'm Stressed and he feels he knows what the plan is. I find Men hate asking for directions, including around their own house.

    Whenever he sees that I am stressed (and they do notice!), my partner will just go have a look at the list and do it. That way he doesn't feel bossed around or nagged. And I always praise praise praise. Make him feel like he made a difference.

    depending how old your kids are, surely they can help with some things. If nothing else it gives you a break. The super nanny has lots of episodes with reward charts and gold stars and things.

    just a suggestion. I can only imagine how hard it would be for you.
    Last edited by NORgirl; 09-01-2016 at 11:46. Reason: Typos

  3. #13
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    Honestly? I had to sacrifice some of the daily chores. I still did laundry but instead of making the house look tidy, I chose to organise the thing that the kids were getting into the most. At the time it was the tv buffet with my younger two rummaging through the cupboards. I also made sure my storage was adequate and practical.

    Can I say it's taken me about 18 months to get to this point. My house is bare and it's great. I now have time to clean instead of just tidy.

    This year we are working on relationships as our home was so chaotic from yelling and disorganisation that everyone seems to have forgotten how to get along.

    It's great you have a decent income. It means you'll be able to improve storage etc quickly without worrying about the expense.

    Also, I'd definitely be trying to transition the kids downstairs. I'm willing to bet it'd make a huge difference. Could you perhaps make a deal with them to decorate the room or paint the walls as a bribe lol.

  4. #14
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    Maybe getting a babysitter in for a couple of days to give you time alone to sort the house out. Or getting your DH to take the kids out places all weekend so you can focus on decluttering. It sucks that he wouldn't be willing to help with the spring clean, if you're not feeling appreciated then that maybe also part of why you're not feeling happy.

  5. #15
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    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    Have you looked at the Marie Kondo book? Or google Konmari Method she is a decluttering guru...might help you feel less stressed...heaps of blogs on Pinterest about her and her books, she just released her second book a few days ago...good luck!

  6. #16
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    I would suggest looking at organisation, Maybe FlyLady? to keep on top of the housework. While the house may not be the set up you want, moving isn't really going to change the reasons it's gotten the way it has.

    I would pin your DH down for a whole weekend to sort out the house. Tag team, one has the kids and toddler, while the other cleans, and switch.

  7. #17
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    Can you put the toddler in daycare even just 1 day a week so you have a chance to get things done in peace? Then you have school hours to do some organisation. Sounds like you could do with a but of a break also.
    This year I'm getting the ikea kallax cube storage for our spare room to increase storage space, we already have 2 in DD's room & they hold so much!
    I've actually just cleaned out the spare room this morning - it only took an hour, once you get stuck into it it doesn't take long. The key is to pull everything out, sort into piles (keep, donate/sell, bin) then deal with the piles straight away.
    Can you get your DP to have the kids outside for an hour or so on the weekends while you get stuck into organising?
    Just some suggestions - I hate clutter it makes me crazy so I see where you're coming from.

  8. #18
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    I too move your older kids downstairs and make the rumpus the toy room. The big kids don't need constant supervision so it frees upstairs for you and bub. Make a play pen for bub and stick her in there. 15-20min in there in every hour isn't a huge deal and it's amazing how much can be done in those 15min intervals.

    I understand your situation. I've just moved to Canberra from Brisbane. I've got a 3mth old, 3&5yo. My dh is currently more interested in his star wars Lego than unpacking. So I'm about to dump our 3mth old on him so I can go to the gym and defrost my headspace.

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  10. #19
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    House/partner/location?? That was your post title. I think from your post and past threads that you're struggling with a few different things at the moment all whilst your DP ignores you, discounts your feeling, concerns and mental health and you don't have family support, so I'd say partner and location are your biggest issues.

    I would suggest writing a list of things in your life you aren't happy with and try and order them from small / easy fix and things you can do on your own. Don't put a time on them, just out them in an order. Once you cross one thing off your list, go to the next.

    You will find you will motivate yourself by seeing you can make positive changes, even if they're just small by doing them by yourself. If your DP won't help with a spring clean, kick him out of the house for say 3 hours on a Saturday and 3 on a Sunday, make him take the kids with him (pack a bag of all the things he will need if necessary) and chose the key areas of your house you need to have clean and tidy and focus on those.

    I find once my house is in (somewhat) of a tidy and clean state my mind is much clearer to deal with other issues.

    Lastly with regard to our husband, do you think an ultimatum might work on him? Life would be much easier if he supported you and you worked as a team. Can you tell him that if he's not willing to do that, then you will take the kids to Ireland with you, because if he's not going to help and support you, you need your family there instead?

    If all he does is the garden and outside the house and doesn't help with your youngest, I get the feeling you wouldn't be any more miserable or busy and stressed if you were separated. Are you at that point with your DP or do you think he has it in him to change and become more supportive?

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  12. #20
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    Also. We have an outdoor playpen too. Makes hanging out laundry easy.

    When I bring the clothes in I fold them directly into baskets. Each person gets their own basket. It gets put on the floor of their room. I put away dd3 (3mths old).clothes but I expect my 3&5yo to put away their own. Dh has a floor-robe that I cbf dealing with. His half of our bedroom is a dump but it's his half and his problem.


 

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