+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 29
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,061
    Thanks
    621
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default What's wrong? House/partner/location?

    2015 was crap overall. Issues with dp, issues with ms8, struggling with 3 kids house no family yada yada. Major blow ups with Dp just before xmas felt like going to his parents in nz would be disaster as us barely speaking. Never resolved anything but had nice time actually had some happy optimistic moments and a bizarre sense of being relaxed. Home less than 12 hours and been in tears twice. I hate our house. It's too much maintenance. I can't keep up with inside and dp so busy with outdoors he does little inside. It's bigger than we need but not right fit as 19month old still in our room and 2 empty bedrooms downstairs that older kids not comfortable moving into. I've often tried to talk to dp about this but he thinks I'm complaining thinking a different house would make things perfect which isn't what I'm saying I just don't think this house works for us/me. He's at work all week he doesn't know how hard it is to even do laundry as that involves stairs / stair gate, toddler getting into older kids lego pieces/ climbing on unsafe outdoor furniture etc. we live in a pigsty, it's all too much... Felt overwhelmed as soon as we got home, then tried again just to talk it out with dp and he's just so closed to even the discussion about moving. No I don't 100% know I'd be happier elsewhere. Yes I know all houses will have issues. Could it be more that I'm struggling with having no family support and friends all at different life stage (2 kids all at school)? yes probably. Could it be that living in Sydney is a big mistake? Yes probably. Only thing I have figured out is I feel depressed when I'm in this house and not when I'm not...
    Some of my ideas - sell up / live in Ireland for few years (where my family are), rent our house and try somewhere new... Just suggestions. Tried to explain that these were just ideas as I'm not coping with things. He just blanks me and gets that look of annoyance that I'm talking about this. I should just suck it up and get on with things cus he sees no issues

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,552
    Thanks
    655
    Thanked
    824
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I could have written this post! Very similar issues here. My DH thinks any other option is too expensive. I feel a bit trapped. We decided last night that we would have a 12 month plan. I'm saving some money for minor renovations and to make the house more presentable. Then we will either sell or refinance and spend money on renovations. I think a plan is a good idea so you can make steps to can work towards. Your DH will just have to get on board. Happy wife, happy life!! But honestly, if he can see a plan, it will help.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to moosey For This Useful Post:

    Freyamum  (09-01-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    2,664
    Thanks
    3,277
    Thanked
    1,956
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    A first step could be spending a weekend with your DH spring cleaning and re-organising your current home and then hiring a cleaner to maintain it. That might not change anything but could be worth a try. Maybe join some play groups, etc to get you out of the house more and socialising? If that doesn't work then looking at more drastic measures.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to babyno1onboard For This Useful Post:

    Freyamum  (09-01-2016),Leettieb  (09-01-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,434
    Thanks
    766
    Thanked
    989
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Are u able to get a cleaner to help u get on top of stuff?

    I understand somewhat as I have lived away from all family & friends for 2 years, had a baby here with only DH with me, it really was too much.

    It does sound like you're struggling, without going to the extreme of moving just yet, can you implement some strategies to help? Can you join a playgroup or mums group to meet new friends? I know the ladies I met thru school saved me from falling into the pits.

    Don't get overwhelmed. All the washing doesn't have to be done today, do some stuff and just tell ur DH that ur not superwoman, you need a break too.

    Hugs 😊

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,061
    Thanks
    621
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    A first step could be spending a weekend with your DH spring cleaning and re-organising your current home and then hiring a cleaner to maintain it. That might not change anything but could be worth a try. Maybe join some play groups, etc to get you out of the house more and socialising? If that doesn't work then looking at more drastic measures.
    I could never get him to spend a weekend spring cleaning. We got home from 2 weeks away and he dumps clothes onto beds and packs away luggage, then gets back to tidying outdoors and goes off shopping. He doesn't care about the house being a mess, I think he just tunes me out - something I complain about every so often then it blows over. Sorting out how things should work / where to put all our crap is my job. He'll spontaneously tidy out a shoe cupboard or tidy a kids room but actually work with me to get organised forget it! I suspect he hates that kind of thing as much as me so busy's himself with garden / shops etc so I can't complain he does nothing. I feel like I'm drowning and every corner is dirty / dusty revolting and I'm the only one who notices!

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    198
    Thanks
    89
    Thanked
    39
    Reviews
    0
    I'm sorry you're having such a tough time atm.

    With the house can I just say that dp and I rent and have moved so many times from one place to another and the problems we have just followed us, or were replaced with a new set of problems.

    We live away from family (spread over the country) and can't agree on who to move closer to-so we don't lol. We rent a small house with a big yard which isn't really suitable for us at all but we are determined to make it work. We (mostly me) have been completely decluttering the house (minimal furniture, all dvd's got put in a folder and the huge cabinet got thrown so no more stuff for the kids to pull out and destroy etc etc).

    I understand this may be completely useless information for you but can I say now that the house isn't full of crap it is far less stressful. Before this our home was getting feral and I'm not talking a few clothes strewn on the floor! Neither of us could keep up especially as ds has autism and is draining on the best of days, but we're slowly improving our situation.

    Once that's done i'd be learning how to catch up on minor repairs myself. You can find almost anything on the internet these days with you tube.

  9. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to TaylasWorld For This Useful Post:

    Freyamum  (09-01-2016),Kimmmm  (10-01-2016),SSecret Squirrel  (09-01-2016)

  10. #7
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    935
    Thanks
    130
    Thanked
    271
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    In regards to your bedrooms we are in a similar situation. Initially our kids were against us moving downstairs, but we suggested using the baby monitor (walkie talkies would work too) so they could talk to us anytime. We also left the stair lights on so they could come down any time. This seemed to work and now there is no issue. Just a suggestion.

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,061
    Thanks
    621
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by TaylasWorld View Post
    I'm sorry you're having such a tough time atm.

    With the house can I just say that dp and I rent and have moved so many times from one place to another and the problems we have just followed us, or were replaced with a new set of problems.

    We live away from family (spread over the country) and can't agree on who to move closer to-so we don't lol. We rent a small house with a big yard which isn't really suitable for us at all but we are determined to make it work. We (mostly me) have been completely decluttering the house (minimal furniture, all dvd's got put in a folder and the huge cabinet got thrown so no more stuff for the kids to pull out and destroy etc etc).

    I understand this may be completely useless information for you but can I say now that the house isn't full of crap it is far less stressful. Before this our home was getting feral and I'm not talking a few clothes strewn on the floor! Neither of us could keep up especially as ds has autism and is draining on the best of days, but we're slowly improving our situation.

    Once that's done i'd be learning how to catch up on minor repairs myself. You can find almost anything on the internet these days with you tube.
    Thanks I really want to declutter I just start and get no further than a corner of a room! There's so so much. With 3 kids I find it so hard to get more than school stuff / laundry / shopping / cooking / basic tidy/cleans in. Toddler into everything and so clingy and with no family I get zero break from her. I plan to start going through areas section by section but when? I'm usually folding laundry at night as it is... Realistically I don't know how we could get the house ready to sell, feel so trapped and annoyed as our mortgage isn't huge dp has good income life shouldn't be this hard 😒

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Posts
    2,718
    Thanks
    3,658
    Thanked
    1,497
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hugs. I always think coming home after a break can be so stressful. It's such an anti-climax. Boom back into the drudgery of your real life.

    I find writing an action plan down works for me. I do a master list of all the big tasks and then smaller lists breaking things down to manageable jobs. If I cross even one thing off a day it helps me feel more in control.

    Maybe once you have your plan you could sit with DH and allocate some jobs? Even if you give him one job a week would he go for that?

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to binnielici For This Useful Post:

    TaylasWorld  (09-01-2016)

  14. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,061
    Thanks
    621
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by moosey View Post
    I could have written this post! Very similar issues here. My DH thinks any other option is too expensive. I feel a bit trapped. We decided last night that we would have a 12 month plan. I'm saving some money for minor renovations and to make the house more presentable. Then we will either sell or refinance and spend money on renovations. I think a plan is a good idea so you can make steps to can work towards. Your DH will just have to get on board. Happy wife, happy life!! But honestly, if he can see a plan, it will help.
    Our house bit different I think as it's not that it needs renovating more the layout doesn't work. Kitchen dining living open plan upstairs + 3 bedrooms. Rumpus and 2 beds down. Downstairs feels damp and dusty. Kids won't share room - boy 6, girl 8, girl 19mths. Out front leads to road so not safe. Back no yard just gravel but also easy get to road. I feel this could be a lovely house for a family with vision, time, older kids... Not us! I want to downsize to single level with small enclosed yard...


 

Similar Threads

  1. Moving House - Location vs Price
    By BindiBoosMama in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-09-2015, 16:51
  2. Babymoon location suggestions on Sunshine Coast
    By Monkey Joy in forum Destination Suggestions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-06-2015, 23:44

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Be In BlossomWe offer physiotherapy run pregnancy Pilates, pregnancy Aerobics, and Mummy Pilates & Baby Massage classes with a ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›