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03-01-2016 08:33 #51
03-01-2016 08:38 #52Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
OP if it is a really big issue for you than you will need to have a conversation with your Mil. Perhaps you and DH could do this together. As MIL has been told about this issue and still does it perhaps she doesn't fully understand how important this is for you as she has different values to you. I feel that this may be a sensitive conversation as sometimes it can be hard to understand other people's values especially when they are in the same family.
This is not a topic I have really discussed with many people and have to say that I am surprised at how many people have said that they don't kiss on lips, lips are only for partners ect.
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03-01-2016 09:32 #53
I think if you're uncomfortable then don't do it. If they're uncomfortable they won't do it, like anything it's up to you, people will do what they are comfortable with. Hope this helps you OP.
03-01-2016 10:43 #54
I think the important distinction to make in terms of child protection is that kissing in itself isn't necessarily sexual. So using the word 'exclusion zone' with lips seems counterintuitive to me.
I think I would approach it in two ways:
1. Your son isn't obliged to kiss anyone. If he wants to kiss people, then a kiss on the cheek is what's appropriate (if that's what you believe).
2. You could train him up to turn his head and present his cheek for a kiss instead.
I would step very carefully because children need to be supported in trusting their instincts rather than just being told not to do something.
03-01-2016 11:34 #55
It's a tough one OP.
We personally don't kiss our DS on the lips. He's smooched us on the lips a handful of times by surprise though. We do cheek kisses.
My reasons are more from the germ transmission perspective rather than thinking it's inappropriate.
I strongly doubt my DS would lip kiss anyone even if asked to.
Needless to say I wouldn't want anyone kissing him on the lips, so I'd have no choice but to speak up.
I have no issue with parents kissing their own children on the lips, but I don't think it's ideal for a child to lip kiss numerous other adults. Herpes is real folks.
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03-01-2016 11:47 #56
hubby and I both kiss DS on the lips, never thought about it really, I see where you are coming from and would probably be uncomfortable if other people did it but yeah.. If you're not comfortable and tell mil your reasoning.
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03-01-2016 12:09 #57Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
I've always just taught my kids that they don't have to kiss/cuddle anyone if they don't want to, but left the rest up to them as to where they are happy to be kissed/kiss others. One hates all kinds of affection, so gracefully allows me to kiss the top of their head, and give a quick cuddle (but doesn't cuddle back), whereas my other kids don't feel like they've had a kiss from us unless it's on the lips, and they are this way with relatives close to them (people not close to them they're not affectionate with at all).
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03-01-2016 13:58 #58
My DD kisses people on the lips. I don't make her, she chooses to. If she doesn't want to hug/kiss someone I don't make. If she decides she doesn't want to kiss on lips anymore then that is her choice. She knows to some extent that no means no. If she asks us to stop tickling etc we do.
03-01-2016 14:01 #59Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
When I was growing up, we hugged, kissed on the cheek, but no kissing on the lips. I kiss my DD on the cheek or forehead, but I don't kiss her on the lips. I wouldn't be pleased if other people were kissing her on the lips.
There's no other reason for this, other than that being the way j was brought up. I kiss DH on the lips, that's it
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03-01-2016 15:04 #60
I remember reading another thread very similar to this when DS was a baby. I came away from that thinking kissing on the lips was a really bad thing to do and I must never do it. DS had other ideas though and does kiss family on the lips naturally. I have not encouraged it, it's just what he wants to do.
Sometimes he will hold my face in his hands and kiss me repeatedly in a show of childish affection. Rather than enjoy this special moment that soon he will probably no longer do I worry that I shouldn't allow it.
My New Year resolution is to enjoy those precious moments (I'm sure he won't do it forever). I'll also add that there is no history of abuse in my family so I am coming from a place of childish innocence.
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