SO as the title states....is falling out of love with your partner a valid reason to separate? You hear so many stories of cheating. lying, abuse, gambling, fighting etc. And some automatically feel that the separation is justified. But what if you are living in a 'perfect' marriage. Full of trust, support, team effort, joint parenting, calmness etc....no trouble or nasty behaviour. But the love has gone? The passion and reasons you got together have disappeared. You have grown and changed and feel your on different paths. Is it justified to break a family apart in these circumstances? Is falling out of love as big a reason to break a marriage as the rest?
What are your thoughts?
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31-12-2015 07:16 #1
Is fallling out of love a valid reason to seperate??
31-12-2015 07:17 #2
Love can be fixed
31-12-2015 07:22 #3
Of course it's a valid reason to part ways! I'm not suggesting however that it should be the first move, however. I would make all attempts to reconnect if I were feeling that we had just grown apart due to children, life and circumstance. But at the end of the day, if you are no longer in love with someone, then you aren't in love with them. People DO change and grow apart and that is absolutely okay. You should never feel obligated to stay in a relationship, you deserve to be happy and in love with your partner. And your partner deserves to be in a relationship where the love is equal and not one sided.
I am also a big believer in that children know when the dynamic changes between their parents, regardless of whether they make a great parenting team.
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31-12-2015 07:25 #4
I think it is but would only personally do that after trying everything to repair it especially if children are involved.
I believe it's possible to fall in love with your partner again & reconnect depending but it would probaby require counselling to learn the tools how to & if it's not possible, then perhaps to learn how to seperate as amicably as possible.
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31-12-2015 07:28 #5
In that situation, I think it's valid to separate if one or both of the parties reaches the point where they genuinely feel that what would make them happy is to pursue a potential new relationship.
I think it would be a bit of a shame to throw away the marriage if everything else is really good. Those feelings of being in love and recapturing the passion may be able to be worked on.
Sometimes it could be a matter of the grass seems greener on the other side, but in reality it's often not. Having someone who is an amazing life partner (despite the passion being gone) is a pretty special thing.
31-12-2015 08:46 #6
Loving someone (I believe) is a choice. Marriage is hard work and throughout the years your relationship changes. ..there will be times when you feel in love and connected and others when you're not.
Honestly. ..I don't think emotions should run our major life choices. You can reconnect..it just takes effort and time.
In terms of your question...is it valid? Well. .. if I'm honest. ..from my perspective I don't think so. If everything is good in the relationship then why not try to fix it? Seems like it would be worth saving.
31-12-2015 09:22 #7
Have you talked about how you feel about it to your partner.
This my opinion feel free to take or leave it. Or just take bits that suit you.
True Love is more than feeling. It a decision. Love is bloody hard work. But it worth fighting for. There will be times when it's dry and needs lots of watering to bring it back to lush green lawn.
The best way to get love is to give it. So if your feeling dry start to water it.
Write a love letter to your partner.
Buy or make something for them.
Surprise them with the little things eg a note in their underwear drawer or in their wallet. Send some random funny or loving texts.
Give them some surprise loving.
Most importantly do something fun with them. Get some good belly laughs in.
Go out on dates. If can't get out how
Make a candlelit dinner or spread a picnic rug on the floor and eat fun food for dinner.
You get the picture.
As for your relationship. I would never say you should stay or leave. It totally up to you. It something only you know if 1/ your both willing to work on. 2/ if you can cope while your working on it. 3/ if it worth it to you.
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31-12-2015 10:19 #8
Everything that LLH said!
There have been times, sometimes loooong times, when I haven't felt like I'm in love with DH anymore. Even though we have a good, trusting, caring relationship. So I've done the things that LLH suggested above and we've found our way back to love again. Love ebbs and flows. Sometimes the ebbs are long, sometimes the flows are short. It's always hard work to keep it on track when you have work, children, finances, etc. But if the relationship is good then I believe it's at least worth trying to save it.
Something that really helped us a lot was Anthony Robbins ultimate relationship program. Sounds corny I know! It was a CD & DVD set I got off ebay and it was really amazing.
Best of luck with whatever you decide x
ETA - If you've given it everything you've got and the love still just isn't there, then I do believe that lack of love in a marriage is a valid reason to separate. You both deserve to be happy and in love, even if it's not with each other.
Last edited by Frankenmum; 31-12-2015 at 10:22.
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31-12-2015 10:54 #9
I think love is a choice. But it's a choice you both have to make, every single day. Every day I make sure that I choose my husband. That I show him he is important to me. That I love him and appreciate him. He does the same for me. It doesn't have to be grand gestures. Just a "thanks for that" is often enough.
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31-12-2015 11:27 #10
I would be looking at the reasons why "you've" fallen out of love...maybe there is something lacking in your relationship (eg. connection), maybe the "honeymoon" period is over, maybe your lifestyle, goals, situation has changed and it doesn't feel like what it once was. Yes, falling out of love is a good reason to separate - you deserve to be happy. But - I would want to try to rekindle the love first. It's normal for relationships to evolve and maintaining a relationship can actually take a lot of work. I see love as a "work in progress".
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