I am a bit hesitant to reply to this. Next april, we will be married 40 years. I have to say it has been mostly good, but not without conflict, and problems. I guess the truth is we took the wedding vows seriously, and so we have solved the issues. Our situation is a bit different, we own a business and we are pretty much together, 24/7, so we have to get along. marie
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20-12-2015 18:41 #11
20-12-2015 18:43 #12
We been 24 years if stuff. We had good years and bad. We struggled but we have always struggled together. We don't always agree on how to do something to fix a problem but always agree that we are worth fixing and work our way through it. We have been blessed that we haven't gone through to much.
Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 21-12-2015 at 09:05.
20-12-2015 18:55 #13
Great thread! We have been together 12 years and married for 10 and in that time we have been through his family turning against us, DS1 being born preemie with complications, money struggles, losing 3 babies, my self esteem and weight issues, post natal depression and anxiety, my father dying causing me to be distant physically and him turning to porn and DH (who was raised to never share emotions) to be closed off and learning to be more open. There is a lot there but it will also take a lot more for me to walk away because I am still head over heels in love with him, he is my best friend and the person I want to share everything with.
20-12-2015 18:56 #14
My dp and i have been through a lot. Fell preg and had our dd after a year together at 22 and 23 so quite young. Dp being in and out of jobs and me being a sahm causing financial difficulties. My insecurities and his lack of affection causing arguments. Our 3 year long battle with ttc baby no.2 in which time our dd2 was born sleeping at 21 weeks and 3 misscarriages. Dp working fifo often gone for 4 weeks at a time, and both of us suffering anxiety at different points in time.
I think a lot of people think we have this perfect relationship but we fight a lot behind closed doors, from stupid bickering to issues that sometimes make me question our relationship but i guess the redeeming feature is we don't hold grudges and we don't bottle stuff in. After we always discuss and move on.
Despite it all out relationship continues to grow and become stronger and dp is my best friend, my rock and the most amazing father ever. I'd be completely lost without him. After nearly 8 years we have never once broken up. Now just waiting for the ring lol!
20-12-2015 19:02 #15
We have gone through a lot from even the start... But we find it's made our relationship stronger.
- Being kicked out from my Dad's place.
- We Lived a relatively poor existance
- My depression/anxiety
- Going through DH's parents divorce which was very very very stressful and traumatic for all involved.
- Being told that I couldn't have children, then suddenly be pregnant 2 weeks later.
- Dh losing his Aunt to Suicide
- Having to ask my Mum to move out of our house. Which turned into a nasty abusive situation.
- Being robbed.
- Not being able to fall pregnant a 2nd time and going through fertility treatment.
- Dh's grandfather dies from house fire, his spouse is believed by the entire family to be his murderer. Dh suffers with depression for a very long time and after the spouse is found not guilty due to a lack of evidence, it prelonged the time it took him to get over his depression.
- Children found to have Autism and one with ADHD. Which is now our every day of hard situations and hard decisions.
- A fall out amoungst DH and his mother.
- A big secret revealed by my sister to myself.
- My BIL being diagnosed with a mental illness.
- DH working at a job that is 2hrs away and is a job he is good at, but is very stressful.
- Me having no fricken idea what to do with my life outside the kids. That stresses me out when things are quiet for too long.
- Arguements about the snip.
Last edited by White Mage; 20-12-2015 at 19:46.
20-12-2015 19:33 #16
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20-12-2015 19:51 #17
Don't know where to begin but here goes...
Through our 22yr relationship we have endured dh's boss trying to destroy his carreer causing many problems for him, the sudden passing of my mum, dh's work accident and the long recovery and financial stress it caused, fertility issues doing IVF for 8years, dh working away over the years, dh being made redundant last year, watching my brother destroy his life with drugs, the suffering my nieces have endured was heart wrenching, losing dh's dad this year and the most recent being the diagnosis of brotherinlaws terminal cancer 😕
We've endured much stress, financial issues, worry, depressing times over the years but had good luck too. As long as you still love each other you can get through anything is my motto. Talk to each other, communicate and have respect for each other, be there for each other. You will get through.
Last edited by Blessedwith3boys; 20-12-2015 at 19:58.
20-12-2015 20:15 #18Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
A really great thread , it's comforting knowing that everyone has ups and downs in relationships although love can see you through. My partner and I are both 21 and have been together for 6 years now through thick and thin even though we were on the brink a couple of years back. My dad committed suicide and he was there through it all for me, his dad last year in December past from his 4 year battle with cancer at 43 and it impacted on my partner dramatically feeling like it changed who he is completely, his mum has had MS for 8 years now and his little brother we care for and it shows what an amazing dad my partner will be. My childhood has brought up a lot of issues with our relationship but I accepted the fact I needed help and it was the best thing I ever did. With all the ups and downs feeling like we were never going to make it through we finally both have stable great careers and are finally enjoying life and becoming happy with each day brings a new beginning for us. We both are working on our physical side of the relationship especially seeing we both were each other's first and will need to be ok with that until we die haha. With bad events we took out our anger on each other as at the time the only person who would accept our anger and venting was each other.
Through all of this I know communication is extremely difficult but paramount. I guess the most important thing to remember is after the storm there will be a rainbow and that it won't be forever
20-12-2015 20:26 #19
What has your relationship endured?
I often get amazed that DH and I are still together and kind of feel if we can make it through all we've made it through then we will always be together.
We met in the US when we were 22 and he went traveling and moved to the UK 6 weeks later, decided to stay together and see what happened.
I went to visit 4 months later (so 6 weeks together, 4 months apart) and we got pregnant the second week. We decided to terminate the pregnancy which was one of the hardest things I've ever been through, going through something like newly together in a foreign country was a huge, huge test for us.
I've had depression and anxiety on and off since the abortion and that is often a big strain on our relationship and DH's patience.
Backpacking together, months in a 2 man tent will make you want to kill anyone.
Both of us moving back to the US and then to OZ, fights over which country to live in, the stress of waiting to know if visas have been approved, etc.
Moving to OZ and having to make a new life in another country, again.
Waiting 8 years for him to propose.
My mom and sisters causing huge dramas and subsequently putting strain on us.
Loosing our baby girl when I was 20 weeks pregnant, the hardest and worst experience of both our lives.
Moving to the UK when we were 25 weeks pregnant with our second, learning a new country and life again and the fights about compromise.
Having a newborn across the world from either family and doing it all completely with only each other for support. Now doing it again with a toddler and 17 weeks pregnant.
DH's dad dying the day we found out there was no heartbeat at a scan, DH had to fly back to OZ to be with his dad (rightfully) and I had to do the dr appts/wait for a miscarriage/look after DS all on my own. Such a numbing time of our lives with both us feeling guilty that we couldn't be there for the other.
We don't have s.x that often, it's been that way for years, it doesn't seem to bother either of us, I think we both have low libidos, so although others would think there's something wrong with our relationship we are both fine with it.
I think many of us surprise ourselves on the types of issues we're able to work through and come out feeling stronger for it. Good luck op💛
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 21-12-2015 at 01:13.
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20-12-2015 20:27 #20
Hmm, we were very young when we got together, so some of these are teenage troubles. We've been together for nearly 12 years.
-hiding our relationship from my parents due to disapproval
-them finding out; all sorts of repercussions from that
-my friendship with a guy I'd had a crush on for years
-breaking up, twice
So...our relationship survived us being teenagers, which is a pretty good start.
-suicide in his family
-him running a very low-profit business, which I often think of as our third child
-a very low income for a very long time
-serious illnesses of our parents
-very different mindset when it comes to sex
-his very dependent/immature mother
-learning how to communicate well (an ongoing process)
-anxiety (both of us)
-depressive episodes (DP)
-A drunk cheating incident
-various health concerns
-different ideas about the number/timing of children we want
Probably more. I wouldn't have it any other way. What's a relationship if times are always easy, and it's never tested? You learn together, and every step of the way you make the choice (or not) to put in the effort required and to keep the relationship moving forward.
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