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  1. #31
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    I think you've acted with a lot of class and integrity. I would be the same - I just have to have my say because I can't leave things hanging.

    What would you do if she apologised profusely and wanted to sort things out/mend her ways? It might be worth thinking about if you're open to that or if too much has gone on.

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    I think you have done the right thing. And quite frankly I would have done so the minute she was rude to my new DH. Who the **** does that, completely blank someone when they meet them for the first time. Weirdo.

    Good luck in finding new , supportive friends.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    I think you've acted with a lot of class and integrity. I would be the same - I just have to have my say because I can't leave things hanging.

    What would you do if she apologised profusely and wanted to sort things out/mend her ways? It might be worth thinking about if you're open to that or if too much has gone on.
    Thanks @harvs 😊
    It did cross my mind briefly that perhaps she either has no idea about her attitude or is feeling really put out by the changes in my life or will be really shocked that I finally had the guts to say no more and may be very upset by my message. I think there is too much hurt there for me and too much awkwardness. She pretty much doesn't acknowledge my DD exists to the point I feel like I can't even mention her at all. I can't ignore that and be friends. I don't care that she doesn't 'like' kids but I expect given our history she would at least feign politeness. And care about me as a person regardless of DD. I've been doing it so tough for the past 9 months and she's not cared one bit. There's nothing left for me to build a friendship on and if she pushed I would explain that.

  6. #34
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    I know that feeling very very well x

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    I know that feeling very very well x
    Sorry to hear that @harvs, people suck sometimes.

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    I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the kind words of advice and encouragement. It is telling that I feel more kindness and compassion from you all and I have never met any of you in real life. Kindness and empathy go a long long way in my little world.
    It's sad in one respect thinking about how few true friends I have left (if any) but luckily in a way I don't mind being a loner.
    I'm dealing with ongoing issues with my DD and adjusting to being a parent, borderline PND, my dog passing away and another young close family member diagnosed with breast cancer this past week. I don't need the emotional toll of closing off and grieving this friendship too but letting it stagger along was taking too much of my mental energy. Thanks for the support bubhub it means a great deal 😊

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    I've had issues with friends too. Sometimes it's when you have kids you realise you were both doing the same thing at the same time, that's why your friendship worked. But the second your needs don't suit hers it doesn't work.

    She's 34 and single. Your eggs disappear at 38 statistically. The odds of her having kids are low at this point which is probably why she's behaving so appallingly. But that's no excuse.

    I have a childless "friend" who was visiting from interstate and suggested we catch up at a kid friendly place. We agreed on the aquarium. Then she pulled out as she didn't want to do kids activities. I was upset and overlooked it. Then she stayed with me for a while and was so derogatory of my life. She kept saying a friends teenagers should come and stay so they would know not to get pregnant once they saw my life. She was 50 and kept saying living with me made her realise she was right not to have children. It's funny because seeing her life made me realise I was glad I did! Such a sad empty life.

    Anyway I never sent the email outlining issues like you did, I'm petty and just slagged her off behind her back and distanced myself (to be fair she was truly horrible to my family). I would like to think I would have the balls to call her out on it, I'm just not sure she's worth the effort.

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    Did she respond?

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    Default WWYD friend issues?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I would just move on. You lose so many friends when you have babies and they don't. It's hard and it hurts, but it's also really normal.

    Will sending the text make you feel better? Or just that little bit worse? I don't take any pleasure calling people out on bad behaviour anymore. Usually they just don't see it and you wind up looking over sensitive yourself.
    tend to agree with this.

    I think deep down you know the score, you've lost her (or rather, she's let you go).

    maybe you're looking for an in to start a conversation about it to get some closure?

    if you want to confront her, then I say do it. but I'd just bring it up as a general topic, like don't pick the "poor xyz" text as the opening line as you'll just come across as over sensitive and she'll brush you off with an excuse as to why the text was so brief.

    I hate it when friendships just evaporate like that. with seemingly no cause or conflict. it's very hard to move on not knowing if you "did something wrong".

    ETA I'm so sorry to hear your dog passed away too x

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    tend to agree with this.

    I think deep down you know the score, you've lost her (or rather, she's let you go).

    maybe you're looking for an in to start a conversation about it to get some closure?

    if you want to confront her, then I say do it. but I'd just bring it up as a general topic, like don't pick the "poor xyz" text as the opening line as you'll just come across as over sensitive and she'll brush you off with an excuse as to why the text was so brief.

    I hate it when friendships just evaporate like that. with seemingly no cause or conflict. it's very hard to move on not knowing if you "did something wrong".

    ETA I'm so sorry to hear your dog passed away too x
    I made an updated post yesterday that explained I contacted her to end the friendship so its done now...

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