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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    We use the emotional bucket- do nice things to fill each other's bucket if you hurt someone that's emptying their bucket, if my son has hurt my feeling or actually hurt me I say that action empties my bucket it's not acceptable you need to make it better, they will apologise and give me a hug or fix what they did wrong most of the time- helps them visualise the emotions

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Ahhhh hugs to you! It's hard to discipline a 3 year old!
    I'm keen to say that although the discipline you're using seems right it's obviously not working for your child, perhaps switching the tables around, asking your child if she'd like that done to her how would she feel... works well with my DD mind you it doesn't with DS he just ignores me.
    I go on to explain why we need to ask if the person we've hurt is ok... It's better than an empty sorry and go on saying no one would want to play with her if she behaves like that, sometimes she gets upset if it's accidental I had to explain that happens but we still need to make sure the person we've hurt is ok.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    I'm not a fan of a forced apology, but it's so frustrating/upsetting when they won't apologize!

    In theory, I say "I won't let you...xyz", then walk away if I can. If I need to be in that place I tell DD that I don't want to be around her because she hurt me, and I need her to leave me alone. If she won't, then I put her in her room because it has a gate on it I can lock.
    I never demand an apology, because I think it defeats the purpose. An apology should be a genuine expression of remorse, not just something empty you say out of obligation. Instead, I tell her that I'm upset that she hurt me and doesn't seem sorry, or that I don't want to play with her until she helps me to feel better etc. drawing attention to the consequences of what she did.

    For the most part it works well for us...but I say 'in theory' because I don't always respond so calmly if I'm angry.
    Totally agree with this. I think a forced apology only teaches them they can get what they want (ie go back to playing or keep their toy) if they say sorry quickly. I think we need to teach them the moral behind it which is it's not a nice thing to do and they hurt or upset someone. I try to make a big deal of showing concern for whoever was hurt and display the behavior we want them to learn. Hope that makes sense!

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