I think the response was rude. If the person didn't want their partner to open their mail they could have simply said that they'd open when they got home. No need to accuse their partner of being nosey.
My DP works away so I have to open his mail in case it's something that need actioning before he gets home (usually a bill to be paid!). I always ask him first (and send him a photo of the envelope/package) if it's the lead up to Xmas or my birthday. He often shops online for my presents.
Earlier on in our relationship I'd just tell him that mail arrived and send him a pic of it all (unopened). That way the ball was in his court. He'd always ask me to open it but I wanted him to have the option of privacy, particularly as he was going through a divorce and I knew some of the mail was divorce related.
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30-11-2015 22:50 #11
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30-11-2015 22:51 #12
I'm the opposite way, I never check or open any mail! DH does it all, ( or my office manager) mainly as we have the business everything goes to the office and as I don't work full time I prefer he checks it daily than it pile up
I suppose if an official looking document came and he asked me not to open it I suppose I would think it strange only as we are very open about everything and he would never say stop being so nosey ( even then Id probably assume it's a present or something cool he didn't want me to find!)
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30-11-2015 22:51 #13
We have a postbox and whoever is going past collects the mail. We open each other's Mail if it necessary. Unless it's a present I would be concerned if told not to open the mail.
We know each other's passwords for fb, bank accounts, gov services etc. No secrets here (and not a lot of privacy either).
30-11-2015 22:54 #14
30-11-2015 22:56 #15
Privacy in a relationship
I never open DHs mail and the odd time it's looked a bit speeding fine/police related I've rung him and told him and he's asked me to open it. I would be very miffed if he told me not to open it but I wouldn't but would ask him about it once he did. I think my spidey senses would be going off the radar if he kept it a secret.
We don't know each other's passwords, our phones are fingerprint enabled but if he asks or vice versa then we just unlock, it's not secrecy we just have our own stuff we like and each to their own - he doesn't want to be on here reading my threads and I don't have any interest in most of his Facebook stuff.
We have a joint bank account but also still separate. I have always told him I would keep my own account with a certain amount of money in it should anything ever happen to our relationship I wanted my ability to leave - it probably sounds horrible but I am a realist and didn't ever want to be in a position where the kids and I couldn't leave if the worst happened.
Last edited by ICanDream; 30-11-2015 at 23:00.
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30-11-2015 23:03 #16Senior Member
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01-12-2015 00:21 #17
If I didn't open the mail, it would never get opened!
I think I left him to open his own mail at the beginning, but since I manage the paperwork and finance in our house, it's much easier for me to open it. If it looks interesting or something personal (like a card or handwritten letter), then I would give it to him to open. I open all of the official mail.
Interesting to think about it, as this has never come up as an issue in our house.
Also, yes. Given the way we are, I'd feel very weird if he told me not to open a certain letter.
I'd start by wondering if it was a surprise for me, then remember this is my DH I'm thinking about and instead worry if it was a financial or legal issue I should be aware of. 😆
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01-12-2015 01:00 #18Senior Member
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- Aug 2012
I open all the mail, if I left it to DH he'd never open it. I don't ask him, he's never had a problem with it and if there's unopened mail for him he asks me to open it, he just hates opening mail.
In this scenario I wouldn't even have called to ask but if for some reason he told me not to open his mail before I got to it I'd find it very suspicious.
As for privacy we know each other's FB, email passwords etc. over the course of the years it's just come up I guess (DH sitting at the laptop, I say oh while you're there can you check my mail I'm waiting for x email, my password is... etc) it's never been in a snooping way but if we asked each other it wouldn't be a problem. We also go into each other's wallets if we need cash etc. Pretty much no privacy here but neither of us mind.
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01-12-2015 02:43 #19
I remember one of my high school teachers always telling us that legally you're not to open mail unless it is addressed to you, I have no idea if that is true though.
Growing up we never opened each other's mail, so it's just normal for me not to open dh's, and I don't want him to open mine as a show of mutual respect, when dh is away I call/text him to tell him he has mail and he always says just open it, but i'd feel terrible just opening it and not saying anything.
I know all DH's passwords I've never checked his email, although I do snoop through his fb occasionally, not to see his activity more to snoop through some of his acquaintances, I know- shameful.
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01-12-2015 06:43 #20
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