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  1. #21
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    Im a clean freak .. I dust, vacuum, mop, wash (all before 9am )and iron every single day... I have dinner prepared and cook once dp gets home ..

    The 4 older Kids shower before dinner .. dp will sometimes wash their dinner plates while I bath our 2 yr old .but he always helps wash up after our dinner. ..

    I wash at night too and he always offers to help peg out the washing ..

    On weekends he often offers to help me do the house work or he will cook dinner .. which is nice

    We work well together and if he didn't want to help after work than I dont mind ..

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    Why do you hate the sahm is 24/7 argument? It probably depends on your kids, house, support vs what type of job you do. Personally I have never found any job ever came close to being as hard as being a sahm to 3 kids in high maintenance house. Full time job + part time masters degree feels like a holiday!!
    I agree!

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    If I come home after an afternoon shift and hubby hasn't gotten around to cleaning up after dinner and hasn't got the kids to clear away their stuff I leave him to it...because yes he worked and then came home and took care of kids after work, but I did kid duty and house duties before going to work so the evening stuff is his. Cleaning up after work when someone else has been home is the last thing I want to do....
    However, your husband is not treating you with respect, and that needs to be adressed before you work on the division of chores. If he wants you to stay home and home school then he needs to be prepared to be the bread winner and respect what you do each day.
    On a side note....I hate the whole 'their job ends after x amount of hours but my job as a sahm is 24/7' argument and I would avoid using it in your discussion....even though he isn't doing anything at home at the moment. I know when I was a SAHM it was much easier than what DH was doing at work each day.
    I agree re the SAHM arguement.
    Staying at home with kids wasn't difficult for me at all although had the boys been closer in age it may have been different. I never expected hubby to take over after he had been at work all day either. I find working filltime and studying harder. With dh and I both working we divide the chores at home evenly. You have to have a balance, communicate and work together.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    You have to have a balance, communicate and work together.
    I also believe this is key - whether both partners work outside the house full time, one part time and one full time or one full time and one not at all.

    OP, I hope you and your partner can find a way to work together so that you both feel valued and feel like you have your needs met.

    FWIW, my DH works extraordinarily hard with hours you can't even imagine but will say honestly to anyone that being a SAHP is WAY harder!

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I guess everyone's circumstances are just different. I'm finding being a SAHP (with one child) a breeze compared to working (in a highly stressful job).
    At the moment I'm doing 8 hour days in childcare, picking my kids up and doing the mum thing, putting my kids to bed then doing the house work and study thing.

    I find it a lot easier mentally as sahp ing drains me, emotionally its harder

    Different strokes for different folks, my two are 5.5 & 2 and full on, even hanging out a load of washing can mean chaos
    And theyre just very full on personalitied children

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  7. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemmi1987 View Post
    At the moment I'm doing 8 hour days in childcare, picking my kids up and doing the mum thing.

    I find it a lot easier mentally as sahp ing drains me, emotionally its harder

    Different strokes for different folks, my two are 5.5 & 2 and full on, even hanging out a load of washing can mean chaos
    And theyre just very full on personalitied children
    I really agree! I have an almost 5 month old daughter and came from a high pressure-high responsibility job with looooong hours. I found working way easier than this, on a whole different level. I love her more than I thought possible but I find being being a SAHM mentally and physically exhausting every single day (so far, maybe it gets easier). Maybe it's to do with the type of kids you've got or maybe I'm just not cut out for this I don't know.
    Anyway OP no I don't think just because you're home you have to do everything housework-wise and absolutely he should be spending time with the kids doing fun things and the other stuff too. He should do that because he wants to. He is equally their parent.

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  9. #27
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    In general I've always tried to do as much of the house stuff during the day while dp is working. But I think it's pretty weird idea to come home from work and expect to just relax and do nothing while your partner tends to dinner, kids, overflow of housework from the day. When my inlaws are here mil takes over housework (I've given up protesting!) but fil eats dinner and gets up and never puts away as much as a plate. He's like that in his own house. I dunno I just find it weird. My dp will clear dishes while I bath kids but it's half arsed he doesn't wipe down counters and stuff. But when our first was a baby and I was on maternity leave he did loads! He used to make dinner for us and do washing. I must admit I probably want a tidier house now cus with 3 kids coping with school notes and all that can't just let it all go but this long winded reply is just a warning that I feel a lot of our issues (we could be on verge of breaking up) has to do with this unplanned and unwanted role definitions - me inside house and kids, him earn money and outside. Our lives have separated more and more as time goes on and much of it relates to resentment of these defined roles. In his case he has zero interest in discussing any household challenges I face, just gets irritated with me when I try and chat about it. Im fed up of feeling like the house skivvy and nothing else. Try and sort out these issues before these expectations become set in stone

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  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    I really agree! I have an almost 5 month old daughter and came from a high pressure-high responsibility job with looooong hours. I found working way easier than this, on a whole different level. I love her more than I thought possible but I find being being a SAHM mentally and physically exhausting every single day (so far, maybe it gets easier). Maybe it's to do with the type of kids you've got or maybe I'm just not cut out for this I don't know.
    Anyway OP no I don't think just because you're home you have to do everything housework-wise and absolutely he should be spending time with the kids doing fun things and the other stuff too. He should do that because he wants to. He is equally their parent.
    You were probably super, super good at your job and the parenting thing is just all new. I recall you mentioning on another thread that your daughter had reflux, that would be very tiring and challenging to deal with.

  12. #29
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    Your husband is an *** and is so far away from being right, he can't even see it.

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  14. #30
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    Just adding to sahp being hard /easy.
    It can be both. Sometimes it a freaking breeze and other times it the hardest thing on freaking earth.
    Please don't judge another mums journey based on yours. No one journey is like another. For heavens sake each child within a family is different. The pressure a family is under is different the environment are different. Family/friends support. Being isolated etc..

    By telling another person being a sahp is easy is the same as putting them down as a failure if they are struggling.

    If you found it easy great. That's wonderful for you. But don't put others down by saying its easy for everyone.

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